How to set boundaries around mum coming to stay when baby is born

[Justanotherdobby]

I'm having my first child this summer and my mum is very excited. She's been really positive/supportive which has been lovely and she has told me she's coming to stay for the birth (she lives about 6hrs drive away) and in the following weeks. I think in theory it would be nice to have the help but I am trying to think of the best way to make it clear that I only want her to stay for 2 weeks at the most. We don't have the most stable relationship and before my pregnancy I was actually low to no contact with her for several years so I don't think its a good idea for her to stay for too long especially as we seem to be getting on quite well atm. I also really want some alone/bonding time with my son and as I'm a SMBC I can't afford to be feeding someone and bearing increased energy costs for an indefinite period. Can anyone give me some tips on how to manage this?

@AudHvamm Yes I do have a few friends who have offered to come round and help out so I'm not totally isolated but as I've only recently moved to the area I don't have a huge network as yet. I possibly have bitten off a bit more than I can chew!

In normal circumstances it might be a bit cheeky, but I think using it as a litmus test to see her reaction might be useful in this specific instance.. you can always not accept the money when she actually puts her hand in her pocket and says 'of course, that is very sensible, babies cost so much money and you are doing this all on one wage, how much would you like me to contribute' which is what most people would do in a living supportive relationship. My DP would insist on contributing money, helping with the baby and doing housework/getting in shopping etc while simultaneously thinking they weren't doing enough.

I think you'll have bitten off more than you can chew if you invite your low contact mother to be your birthing partner and only support. I would absolutley start making other arrangements now, and if you need paid help then that's going to have to happen.

For what it's worth, I feel that getting your mum to contribute to the household expenses during her stay is a bit of a red herring to be honest. I would leave that particular hornet in it's nest, it just isn't worth getting in to an argument about money you haven't spent yet right now.

It all sounds so fragile, in all honesty I don't think your relationship is where it needs to be in order to withstand the stressors of birth and a new baby/mum, although I don't doubt that you both wish it were possible and then intentions might be in the right place.

Just wanted to update for anyone who may be in the same position. My mother came to visit twice and stayed for 2 weeks each time as I ended up having an EMCS and was struggling to get around. Honestly, it couldn't have gone better. She got up for every feed with me throughout the night and got the baby settled, she took care of the baby so I could take baths and get my nails done, she cooked and cleaned every day, she was so supportive and helpful. She did it all without asking, gave me really useful advice and also bought quite a lot for me and the baby. When she left I was really upset to see her go; she was worth her weight in gold and we made really lovely family memories. Sometimes people can surprise you!