Teacher pregnancy after recurrent loss

[Barb20]

trigger warning: description of pregnancy loss

Hi everyone.

I’m an EYFS teacher in a really busy nursery attached to a school. Last year I had 2 miscarriages in quick succession, the first at 7 weeks in September 2023 and the second at 11 weeks in December. The second one was horrendous and the worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life, I had to have the baby removed through a speculum in A&E with essentially a pair of tweezers, had to have a blood transfusion and stayed in hospital 2 days. It was horrific.

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again, I am 4 weeks today. I have been desperate to try again but my fiance didn’t want to so soon and he’s been cross with me thinking I lied to him that I wasn’t fertile, but I genuinely didn’t, I just ovulated a few days earlier than expected. I’m terrified to be pregnant again and really convinced it’s going to happen again. I’m checking for blood every 30 mins even when I’m at school which isn’t easy with so many children in my nursery.

lots of the children at the moment have slapped cheek virus, chicken pox, sickness bugs etc and it’s just making me so worried it’s going to happen all over again. I also have no confidence in my body’s ability to grow a baby successfully after what I’ve been through. I am also really aware that if I lose this one too my fiancé is going to be extremely careful to not get me pregnant again for at least a year as he thinks we are not ready/is scared of December happening again.

I was wondering if anyone has been through similar to this and come out with a healthy baby. I don’t want to get my hopes up at this point as I’m so aware it could end any second. I’m really struggling especially with work as it’s such a physical job and I end up moving around, lifting things, bending up and down much more than I would like to and it stresses me out that I’m hurting my baby. I don’t want to tell anyone at this point but I’m considering telling the headteacher to see if she can make any adjustments for me. I just feel like crying thinking about the whole thing and I want this baby to be ok so badly.

sorry for the really long post, thank you if anyone reads the whole thing.

Hi @Barb20 I’m really sorry to hear everything you have been through - I’ve not been in your situation but I didn’t want to read and run. I would say talk to your headteacher asap so she can put any necessary adjustments in and they can let you know asap if any of the students have any illnesses you need to stay away from. I’m a secondary teacher and I told my line manager early (at 7 weeks) and they were really supportive. You could also maybe talk to a GP about taking extra progesterone, as I have heard this can help with recurrent miscarriage?

Sorry for your losses.
Wanted to add that you can have blood tests to check for immunity for chicken pox and slap cheek. Might be worth asking the GP for this as well. I'd also see if maybe they could refer you to EPU for an early scan to help with your anxiety.

I’m so sorry about your losses: this must be an intensely emotional time for you. I echo the suggestion about contacting your early pregnancy unit or midwife to ask if you could get screening tests to check for chickenpox and slapped cheek immunity given your job and the fact that you have had two recent miscarriages close together.

Hi OP, I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through. I'm hoping that this pregnancy is successful for you.

My advice would be to maybe take a few weeks off until you've had a scan. This must be such a stressful and anxious time for you and your job isn't an easy one anyway, without the added worry of chicken pox etc on top. I wouldn't normally suggest taking time off, but I think you're justified.

Wishing you all the very best.

Hi op. I completely understand your worries. I had 4 miscarraiges in a row and 2 ectopics all within 2 years. We'd had alot of checks done etc and found nothing. Keep faith. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with a little boy. We had given up. It caused alot of rows between me and my partner and we split for a short period. We stopped trying and concentrated on us and our happiness without a baby and somehow it happened this time around ( we were avoiding it but I ovulated very early and didn't know). Speak to your doctor about your anxiety, mine wouldn't prescribe medication but gave me links to useful websites for coping techniques. I'd love to tell you the anxiety goes away but Mine hasn't and I dont think it will through this. I still check for blood everytime I go to the bathroom. I worry I can't feel my boy move yet. So many worries and anxiety. I've had 4 scans done already because I cant bare not checking on him. But my anxiety gets worse as the scan date approaches. All I can say is what everyone says to me. Your anxiety is understandable and valid. Youve been through alot. Be kind to yourself. Talk with your partner. Be very open and honest about this journey together. I know my partner wanted to stop trying because of the pain it caused me. He couldn't bare it. I wish you all the luck in the world I really do

@Barb20 so sorry for your losses. I had 3 last year - a MMC at 11+4 in April, a CP early Sept and a MC at 7wks end of October. I was completely drained and couldn't face putting myself through it again. Stopped tracking and DH and I both agreed to chill out and try to focus on enjoying Christmas and wait for our referral to a fertility consultant to come through. Much to my surprise I must have ovulated when I wasn't expecting to after the last loss, and end of Nov I got another BFP. I must confess, my first thought was "oh crap... That's Christmas ruined then"...

Currently at 25+3 with a little boy and hopefully all is progressing well. Not going to lie, the first trimester was tough, and up until I could feel movements and see bump getting bigger it really didn't feel real. I'm just beginning to relax into it a bit more now. I was on progesterone pessaries from 8 weeks after a small bleed. So didn't have them straight away. Still no idea why this one would stick other than he seemed determined to be here against all odds and against my better judgement at the time!

Keeping everything crossed that your little bean is similarly determined!! There are a couple of 'pregnancy after loss' type threads that you might find nice communities to be a part of. We all get it. 💗 Wishing you all the best. Xx

I actually was the same as you. Although I already had two children after years of infertility, I lost my next two pregnancies at 7 and 11 weeks - the second loss being particularly distressing as we'd seen a heartbeat at 8 weeks.

I honestly don't think that the nursery children's illnesses will have any impact on your pregnancy, nor will the physical side of your role. You will either have a pregnancy that endures, or not, sadly.

I was approaching 40 and thought it wasn't going to happen for me. I had a surgical procedure and bled copiously, unlike my first mc that happened naturally. I actually think that cleared 'everything' out. We didn't try the first month after that, as we were too bruised and battered, but our first month of trying I got pregnant, and my DC is 20 now!

Sending best wishes! x

Thanks so much for this. We also saw a heartbeat with our second one at 6 weeks and 8 weeks so it was a huge shock and really distressing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone x

@CancelledCheque thank you. I think I will give the GP a call today and see if there’s anything they can do. Appointments are a bit like gold dust where I live though!

does anyone know if slap cheek/chickenpox can affect anything this early? I must have already been exposed to both this week and last but my tests are still getting darker each day, does that mean everything is ok? I spent the whole day yesterday very close to a little girl who then came out in spots at hometime and I was kicking myself. Just tested and the line is darker this morning than yesterday.

If you have already had chickenpox, you have immunity and exposure to it again will not cause any problems whatsoever. Around 50-70% of adults have already had slapped cheek and also have immunity, so the same applies. If you don’t have immunity to slapped cheek, the window of concern regarding exposure is between 9 and 20 weeks (I’m currently 16 weeks and caught slapped cheek at 12 weeks so I have looked into the guidelines very recently and am getting weekly scans to monitor baby).

@CancelledCheque thank you, that’s really useful to know! I hope you and your baby are ok, it’s good that they give you the scans to monitor. I definitely had chickenpox as a child, but a child in my class has had it twice so I guess it’s not impossible. My mum isn’t sure if I ever had slap cheek- but I do think having been teaching little ones for the past 5 years I must have been exposed to it at some point. It’s reassuring that it’s not too much of a worry until 9 weeks.

I’m trying so hard to stay relaxed and calm around this pregnancy and just see what happens. I do think at least if it happens again we can have tests done to see if there’s a reason behind the miscarriages. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mum and it feels so cruel that life keeps taking it away from me. I never thought this would be me but here we are.

Slapped cheek and chicken pox will only cause problems if you catch it. It's so worrying. I teach in a junior school and we have had a few children with illnesses that are best avoided in pregnancy. Thankfully, I've not caught anything so assuming I already have immunity. When I spoke to my midwife they said they only worry if you get poorly yourself. I hope this reassures you a little bit.

Just get yourself signed off. Pregnancy sickness can't be used against your sick record. Get yourself signed off for a month and just rest.

Have you had your thyroid and progesterone checked? Both those could be looked at by your GP right away.

Congratulations OP!
Honestly though unless you are going to stay off for your entire pregnancy I think you need to try and put the worries to the back of your mind. Unless you've not have chicken pox then there shouldn't be any real risk to the baby as you will be immune, Us teachers usually have super charged immune systems anyway.
I would notify your head/office manager though so that if there is an outbreak of anything contagious they can take appropriate action.

Hey. So sorry to hear you’ve been through it.

I had a history of traumatic pregnancy loss (one put me in intensive care) and a high school teacher.

The only thing that kept me going with my successful miracle was the knowledge that if I EVER was to have a miracle, I would HAVE to go through the early terrifying stages, no matter what. I couldn’t escape from that bit.

So firstly: fuck work. Get signed off if it’s causing you too much worry because honestly they’ll manage without you if it’s what’s best for you.

Secondly: one day at a time because you have to, and it’s entirely normal to be terrified. Can you get any counselling? You might have a programme through your work even.

Good luck, and focus on yourself and your baby and screw the rest.

In the hope that it will reassure you, OP: if you had chickenpox as a child then you have antibodies and you are protected. You will almost certainly have been exposed to parvovirus (slapped cheek) previously. My DD had it when I was pregnant with DC2 and the GP had me tested for antibodies. I was immune after previous exposure and I only work with teens.