Baby at 34, huge age gap between siblings

[littlefox90]

Hi. So I've found myself with a suprise baby and although I'm happy I'm very shocked. This wasn't a planned event 😂
I had my last child when I was young, she turned 17 in March!
So the age gap is huge and at the complete opposite end of the spectrum age wise. I barely remember my pregnancy, it was so long ago.
Anyone else have a huge age gap between children?
I feel like I'm starting from scratch!

This confuses me when people say you're starting all over again. I have 5 years between my kids so it is different. However I'm not 'going back' my eldest hasn't shrunk. This baby is a completely different person.

I get there may be something to worry about, can you say what it is?

Hey. Yes. I'm currently 35 weeks with my third. My eldest is 24 and my youngest is 14. I'm 41 and also had my first young. I do feel a bit like a first timer but when I had my second with a 10 year age gap it did all come back to me. So I'm sure it will again.

My sister has an 17/18 year age gap between her kids and it’s worked out great. She has a live in babysitter and helper. It’s the dream and I want one

My husband is 21 years older than his sister, they never had a sibling relationship and don’t get on now.

My eldest is 24, youngest turned 4 yesterday, they have a lovely bond and when he was small she would happily watch him whilst I had a quick shower, and enjoys taking him to the park ect x

I have age gap with my siblings. 13 years with my brother and 10 years with my sister. As a child I didn’t really connect with my brother because…well…when I became communicative he went on to uni and moved out and all that but we did become close when I became an adult, when I turned 18 and went to uni myself. I was closer to my sister, she was also more interested in maintaining the relationship. It really depends how your older kid is, depends on their character. They can bond sooner or later. Based on their interests, lifestyle, personality and where they live.

Yes I have an 18 year old and 13 year old. I was young when I had my eldest. I’m now 36 weeks pregnant. I feel a bit like I’m on my first but I know it will all come back to me when she is here x

My dd's are 10 years apart, now 30 and 20. They actually love each other a lot and are good friends as well as sisters. The older one does tend to boss and mother the younger one a bit and the younger one does play on being 'the baby'.

It did feel a bit like starting from scratch and I was treated as a young mum with one (23) and average age (33) with the second.

Congratulations!!
I have a 13 year old and a 7 month old. I love it! 💗

I know how you feel. The age gap between my children is 12 years. I was 19 when I had my first and with my second I actually feel more like a “mAture” parent - as in I’m more likely to be the age people expect me to have had my first. Being a young mum is different. I’m more relaxed now. I forgot lots but remembered lots too.

it’s nice that my first isn’t a child as she has adjusted well and can help with small things for now.

congrats and good luck x

Wow congratulations

They'll be different generations for sure

Congrats, but I don’t agree with the PP about using your 17 year old as a ‘live in babysitter’.

Not long had my 2nd. He's 11 weeks old. Dd is 13 in 2 weeks. Age gap is large but she's great with him and loves him massively.

I have an 11 Yr old and there is no way I would start again. I have plans now that don't include children. Depends on your finances as well. Childcare costs I so expensive now.

Thank you everyone. I guess it's all just a bit of a shock. It's definitely not unwelcome but just a big surprise. I also just starting a new job and I get a touch of anxiety so was feeling a bit anxious this morning about everything.

My eldest has always wanted a sibling, more so since she started childcare at college. She wants to be a midwife so hopefully she can come along to some of my appointments and learn a thing or two 🙂

I have a 19 year gap between dc1 and dc2. Doctors treated me as a ftm with dc2, they assumed I wouldn't remember anything (and certainly some advice changed). Dc1 still living at home and likely to for most of dc2's childhood, so they've been able to have a meaningful sibling relationship, though it's more like an uncle.

Second time around I was more experienced and financially more comfortable, my age wasn't unusual for a parent in London. Sometimes people would be really surprised that I'd had a child so young as they have stereotypes of young mums. In casual conversations I was often too embarrassed to mention that I had a child who was much older, and if people asked I'd just say dc2 was my first.

All these experiences have really put my mind at rest. Thank you everyone 😊 I think my eldest will b e over the moon when I tell her tonight and she's planning to be here at home while at uni from when she's 19 so hopefully they will build a nice bond, even if it's not the traditional younger siblings relationship

I have a 15 year gap. It's working out great - it might have been better if they were 2 years apart, but who knows. I'm relishing the younger years again.

It's interesting what a previous poster said about the midwife treating her like a FTM. So did mine. She said that after 10 years or so your body will have forgotten the previous pregnancy so it is like a first pregnancy and birth again.

Lots of advice has changed and parenting has changed over the years. You will probably just roll your eyes at some things and you will have the urge to say that it was different before and didn't do your first child any harm!

I didn't like mentioning that I had an older child as there are always so many comments. Then I felt guilty because it was like I was denying dc1. I also found people behaved differently towards me when they found out i had an older dc , as if they didn't think I was a novice anymore.

I had pre-eclampsia in my 2nd pregnancy, which is common with large age gaps.

It is a safeguarding red flag actually when a younger siblings is born in a home with older teenagers because the parent has to put the baby first, which means the older ones are at risk of neglect - things like being left to walk home at night because parents can't come out to fetch them, being made to babysit because they are the 'live-in babysitter' when they should be revising, being on the sharp end of a frazzled mum's temper because she's not had much sleep etc etc.

Oh that's really good that both midwifes did the same. I think I was worried that people would just think I know what I'm doing pregnancy and birth wise. It's been so long and I was so much younger that I already have symptoms that I don't remember having the first time!

I am 29 weeks pregnant and my oldest child is 15 I also have a 10 year old and 7 year old

That's lovely. So happy for you especially given your eldest is pleased and even better she wants to be a Midwife ❤️