Pregnancy anxiety

[jafs1234]

Hi there, am newly pregnant and having such bad pregnancy anxiety. I already have two children (2 and 4) so it will be a third which is making me nervous about whether I would cope, whether I am too old etc (40 this year), whether 3 children makes life so much tougher with cars, holidays etc. and whether my body can cope after a previous traumatic birth. Would really love to hear some positive stories please. Thank you.

I think this is so much more common than we realise. Especially with a 3rd child. There’s so much prior trauma or pregnancy difficulties that can play into it as well. Please make sure and speak to your GP and ask for a peri natal mental health referral - they should be able to help

Hello. I'm 32. I have 3 children.
14, 12 and 6

Just found out I'm pregnant with my 4th! Also nervous.
Don't worry. When I had my 3rd the older 2 loved it and helped me so much with the baby it really bonded us.

I think our early pregnancy hormones make us very emotional, nervous etc. xxxxx

I'm also pregnant with #3, I have a history of anxiety anyway but at 15 weeks it's absolutely awful now. I'm on a perinatal-focused guided self-help/low intensity CBT course with the local talking therapies service already. I'm waiting to hear if the maternal mental health service deem me 'severe' enough to be referred to them for the birth trauma/fear of birth side of things. My midwife has also given me a 25 week appointment even though I don't need one as it's not my first pregnancy, just so she can see me sooner to check on me. I am constantly so anxious - about my health, about the prospect of birth, about the impact of a third on the kids, about finances (not sure if I will get maternity pay as my employment situation is so complicated and if I have to claim maternity allowance instead I will lose the funded hours entitlement for DC2 and face having to pull them out of nursery during my mat leave which sounds overwhelming to have no days with just me and baby), about my job security (insecure work), about the baby's health/outcome as I've been told I have low Papp-A...it just goes on and on and on.

So you're not alone at least!!

Yep I’m due my 3rd soon too and I’ve felt so anxious all pregnancy.
I have this irrational phobia that the baby will be born with something wrong with it.
logic is telling me that this is because I have 2 healthy children, from 2 healthy pregnancies and straightforward births, so in my mind surely this is the one that something bad will happen.
everyone I’ve mentioned this too has said it just gets worse with each baby you have 😓

@jafs1234 I could have written this myself. My children are the same age, I turn 40 this week and I'm petrified. I've wound myself up so much today but I think this is all the hormones talking. Message me if you want someone to be on the journey with you. Sounds like we're in a similar stage xx

I have no advice but I'm 6 weeks pregnant with my third and absolutely bricking it lol. My children are 8 and (almost) 3. This was not planned and it's going to take a while to get my head around it!

Thanks all. Sadly my pregnancy hasn't worked out. I think we will perhaps try again soon. Wishing you all lots of luck.

@jafs1234 I'm so sorry. I've sadly been where you are. Sending all the love and support xxx

@WeightoftheWorld im sure you will still get funding whether you are on maternity pay or maternity allowance. Just had a quick google: https://www.gov.uk/check-eligible-free-childcare-if-youre-working#:~:text=You%20can%20usually%20get%20free,maternity%2C%20paternity%20or%20adoption%20leave

It would be very unfair to take funding away because you’ve had a baby, you physically can’t work whilst caring for a newborn and recovering from birth. X

@WeightoftheWorld would an elective c section help with your birth anxiety? I had a c section with my first due to a fear of childbirth, I had a really good experience, it really helped me feel in control, knowing what day it was going to happen etc and my recovery was smooth.

@Peonyyyy yes I will definitely get some maternity allowance sorry if I can't get pay from work but this might be significantly lower than the headline rate. Because I've had to take some sick leave and also I don't actually earn as much as the headline rate so you get the lower amount then. And also will lose our entitlement to the 2yr old funded hours and TFC for our DC2 whilst im on mat leave if I have to claim MA instead of getting SMP, which is the biggest issue for me.

Re ELCS, I've thought about it but that terrifies me for loads of reasons too! I kind of feel 'better the devil you know' with vaginal...I spoke to doctor about it for DC2 and decided against it. I haven't ruled it out completely yet though but imagining having one doesn't make me feel any less scared. The only good thing about my births was that with DC1 I was home after not much more than 24hrs and with DC2 was home after about 8hrs. Everyone I know who has had a section, including electives, has been in longer than that and Im terrified of staying on the ward so really vaginal birth gives me the best chance of avoiding that like I did with DC2.

Hiya, you will still get the free childcare if on maternity allowance ☺️

https://workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/free-childcare-for-children-aged-two-three-and-four/

I was only in 24 hours with my c section and the hospital did say they like everyone out tthe next day. It may be that people who have had emergency c sections may need to stay in longer if there’s complications I guess? I can only speak from mine and friends experiences though. I know what you mean though, I’d hate to be in hospital for a long time xx