Describe it to me like I’m an idiot

[Toastiecroissant]

I’m 35 weeks and realised I haven’t got a clue what to expect - What happens when you go into Labour?
do you just know? Or did you think it was braxton hicks for a while? Can you miss it?
can you get some sleep, or do you have time to prepare things, get a shower etc or are you in agony straight away? Can you take pain relief at home or is it better to wait?

do you call the hospital straight away so they know to expect you, or do you wait until you’re ready to go in?

when you get in, what happens, do you get given a bed straight away? Are you examined, can you say no to being examined?
if you’re asking for a water birth will you go to that straight away or do you have to wait?

will anyone look at my birthing plan, do I need to remind them when I get there?

i just don’t know what to expect at all!

It honestly depends! Everyone's experience is different. With my son my waters broke, so you have to go in and check baby is coping ok in that instance. His heart rate was all over the place so I had to stay in, nothing progressed so I was induced. I had mild cramping before they broke and then no pain until the induction got going properly. I didn't get the birthing center or pool with him.

With my daughter, again my waters broke. I finished about 2 hours of work, went home and changes clothes got my stuff and we went to get baby checked, all was fine, pain progressed gradually. As soon as I was having frequent contractions they sent me into the birthing center, once I was 4cm and wanted some pain relief they filled up the pool for me. About an hour later she was born 😊. For a lot of my family tho their waters never broke until further into labour/ had to have them broke themselves so they went in when the pain got frequent and more painful. Really depends what your body does! Give the labour ward/birthing center a call when you get an incling you may be in labour and they'll advise what to do for the best 😊

Everyone is different in terms of when you go into labour- some people think they are experiencing braxton hicks for a while then realise they are getting more painful, some people find the contractions are very painful very quickly. When I was having my first, my waters went before any contractions started.

Most people have time to prepare a few things but definitely have your hospital bag with essentials in, packed and ready to go. You should however have some time to get some snacks etc prepared and if you are able to, get some sleep.

You can take paracetamol at home if you want to, or use a tens machine- I hired one and used it at home in early labour and found it helpful.

In terms of when to ring the hospital, you either ring if you are having 3 contractions in 10 minutes lasting a minute long (this is a guide) or if you think your waters have broken. If you are unsure or have any concerns about baby then of course ring them for advice.
When you go in to triage, they will generally want to examine you to determine whether you are in active labour or not but you can decline this if you prefer not to. They class active labour as being 4cm+ and having regular contractions. If this is the case, you are transferred to either the delivery suite or birthing centre if that's where you are planning to go. If you are not in active labour, it will depend on your individual circumstances as to whether or not they give you a bed on antenatal or ask you to go home.

For a waterbirth, it will depend on availability of the birth pool and whether you are in active labour so worth asking your midwife for their protocols on this.

Generally the staff will ask about your plans for birth but it's always good to be proactive and let them know your preferences early on.

Best wishes with your upcoming birth!

Oh god I can remember so clearly how confusing this all was myself and all the questions I had (most really similar to yours!) I can give you a rundown of mine but tbh every single birth story is different so you might get told 100 different variations here and still end up having a different experience! I'll try to add some suggestions along the way...

My waters broke at 40+3 - I always wondered if I'd know when they "broke properly" and my god I did! There was a constant gush for about 7 minutes!
Called triage and they told me to make my way over. I wasn't having contractions at this point so I had a shower first and a coffee as it was 1am lol
Went to triage was in an examination room initially and contractions started about 4 hours later, I was also losing blood so they told me I wouldn't be returning home until the baby was born (sometimes if you're not very dilated they'll send you home until your contractions get more severe)
Had to have a cannula fitted because of blood loss and was sent to the ward when I was about 4cm dilated.
Contractions were getting worse so at 7cm dilated I had the epidural (I wanted a different kind of pain relief but it would've involved another cannula on the other hand and I didn't want that, and the gas and air was doing nothing for me!)
After the epidural I didn't feel a shred of pain, you basically click a button whenever you want a dose of it and it worked a treat, however it slowed my hormones right down and I stopped dilating for the next 8 hours
Eventually there was talk of a c-section because the baby's heart rate was slowing down, so they ended up breaking the rest of my waters manually to force delivery
During delivery it took around an hour, again no pain due to epidural but it meant I couldn't listen to my body as to when to push, so I ended up having a preemptive tear beforehand as well as an unexpected tear and 2nd degree stitches. It also ended up being a forcep delivery
Baby was born lovely and healthy over 24 hours later in total, it was late by then so we were given tea and toast and I had to spend the night along with the baby in hospital so that they could do his health checks the next day and check I could pass urine. To be honest this was the worst time for me because I was alone with no clue of what to do, baby was awake all night as well as the 6 other babies in the unit and I couldn't sleep a wink. I nearly passed out multiple times though tiredness and loss of blood and had to ring the emergency button a few times for assistance! The next morning partner came back early, checks all done and we went home at mid day.

It sounds intense but I would do it all again tomorrow to see my little boy for the first time again! Absolutely best moment of my life, cried with happiness the second he was put in my arms so don't worry OP, whatever your birth ends up being like you will have professionals on hand to see you through it and it will be worth every second!

I have to say the thing that made it easiest for me was how amazing my partner was throughout, he was keeping track of my contractions, fetching me food and snacks, reassuring me and supporting me every second of the day and telling me how amazing I was doing and was basically my cheerleader throughout! So I hope you have support ready for when you go into labour as that is going to make a massive difference. Congratulations and I hope you have a straightforward delivery!

It definitely does depend!

With DD1 I was having regular Braxton hicks that started to become painful which made me call the hospital just to let them know, the pain built up very slowly over 24 hours and I stayed at home until I started being unable to cope with the pain and felt I needed to be in hospital. By the time I got to the hospital I was 5cm but she was back to back so it took a long time. I was allowed in the pool when I wanted because there was one free.

DD2 I was a bit confused because I had a sweep and thought the pains that happened pretty much straight away were just normal post sweep pains. Until they started getting more intense and my waters broke on the sofa then they really ramped up and the hospital wanted me to go in asap, she was born less than an hour after I got there, got in the pool pretty much straight away the midwife didn't even need to examine me she knew I was ready to push!

I'm currently 32 weeks with DD3 and planning a home birth so I have no idea what will happen this time!

It depends with both of my babies the start has been the same I heard a pop and felt wetness on my pjs during the night that woke me up contractions started within half an hour of this with both pregnancies. My first I went in and they kept me in but my second they sent me home at was only 3cm dilated. I laboured at home myself with breathing techniques and a warm bath and went back in hospital when I felt like baby was going to fall out (she wouldn’t have that’s just how it felt) when I got there I was 8cm dilated. I was sent straight to delivery suite both times there was no triage at those hospital. This time round is a different hospital and they have triage so I am a bit more anxious about what is going to happen but I went for a walk round so I know where to go. Hope all goes well for you, everybody is different but I personally knew I was in labour and not just BH but everyone feels pain differently as well. Good luck x

If your waters break you need to call straight away - they will get you to go in to check / confirm then depending on progression will either keep you in or send you home to return within a time frame. They don't like to check for dilation too much when water's have broken due to risk of infection.

If contractions begin, in my experience they felt like mild period pains - I then proceeded to stay up all night to time them - big mistake. Go to bed whilst they are mild, get all the sleep you can. Eat too. Then the next day I went into hospital to get checked and confirm I was experiencing contractions as I was like is this the real deal? They checked, they were contractions - I was only 1cm, so they sent me home. They won't admit you until you are 4cm which is then classed as 'active labour'

I went home, ran a bath, did lots of birthing ball exercises etc and then throughout that day and night the contractions got stronger and stronger - I was taking paracetamol every 4 hours - and got to a point where my contractions were unbearable so I rang them again and they asked me to go in. I was unknowingly 10cm and the 'pressure in my butt' was actually my body naturally pushing the baby out. He was born 20 mins within me arriving at the hospital.

In terms of water birth, birth plan etc it's on your notes you take in with you and they will read, and discuss with you - try not be too set on a birth plan to avoid any dissapointment.

At my local hospital there aren't many birthing pools available so it's the luck of the draw. Alot of the rooms have baths though so they will run you a bath. Hope this has helped some!

With my first my waters started to go at home in small gushes, I rang to let them know as they were tinged pink, they said all sounds normal and if no contractions by the morning to call and they'd sort induction. For me contractions started within 30 mins, my husband got out the timer and they were immediately 2-3 mins apart which is when they say you should go into the hospital.

Braxton hicks shouldn't be painful, I had what I would describe as irregular period pains for a couple of hours before my waters started to go, they weren't that painful, just there.

At our hospital the midwife led unit was in the same building, so you would call them to say you're on your way and they'd advise if they had space for you. In my instance I went straight to labour ward forgetting I needed to call MLU, I had to wait In the waiting room for a lady ahead of me to decide whether she wanted the last bed on the midwife led unit. Thankfully she opted for labour ward and pain relief, so I got the last room. They all had pools up there. Midwife asked if she could examine me and I said that was fine, I was 5cm. You can absolutely say no to being examined if that's what you wish. After she examined me she went and ran the pool, didn't take long. When I said I was ready to push I wasn't examined, midwife just talked me through the pushing stage and supported me.

I don't remember being asked about my birth plan, but I reeled off the important bits to midwife. Key is to remember to stay open minded and that not everything goes according to your plan

You'll know when you're having proper contractions don't worry.

My waters never went but were manually popped both times (DS2 was quite close to being born in his caul but then slowed down so the midwives popped them to get things moving again).

Depending where you are to the hospital you can take very different approaches. We were a half hour drive (on a good day) so were asked to come in sooner than had we lived a five minute walk away.

I had the birthing pool both times. TENS machine at home…thought it wasn’t doing much until I took it off to have a bath, and rapidly changed my view. And gas and air once in hospital (which worked for me but doesn’t for everyone).

I recommend energy drinks. And snacks for afterwards in case you miss a meal and only get toast (one hospital microwaved me a meal at 7pm because I’d missed supper, I could have kissed the midwife!). The other, I gave birth at 4am and there were two slices of toast until breakfast.

I wished I’d had a tankini type top first time around. Second time around I was less inhibited!

If you do have a difficult birth do then get a debrief. DS1 was not much fun (narrowly avoided a crash section) and I didn’t ask for a debrief because I was fine. I didn’t realise until much later how traumatic it had been for DH.

https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/labour-and-birth/what-happens/the-stages-of-labour-and-birth/

Might be worth having a read of this and ask your midwife to discuss what to expect at your next appointment!
My trust covered this in our antenatal class and it's also covered in an online course I'm doing:
https://thebumptobabychapter.co.uk/the-birth-chapter-course/

Might be worth having a look at something like that to help you feel more prepared, as everyone's experiences are so different! 😊
Best of luck!