To have a third

[amikhi]

Hi All,

I really would like a third child, me and my husband have decided to try for a third, but I am very scared this time round not sure if it’s because 2 have been a handful and I’m scared what a third will do. Anyone else who was really nervous trying for a third? Is it just nerves? I’m feeling no excitement but more scared. I was excited at first when we decided but the more I am thinking about it the more nervous I become .

How old are your children?
Are you nervous because you think times running out for a new baby or just the what ifs.
obviously there is gonna be the cost now and later of having a 3rd.
3 will be more work than 2.
Will they all get on who knows.
But if you are both happy then go for it.

I stopped at 2 because mine were getting a bit older and it became a little easier.

You're not unreasonable to have a third if you're both certain that's what you want, and you are confident that your finances, energy and attention will comfortably stretch to three children.
You sound a little unsure though. Might be worth going back to the drawing board and really thinking about the impact of a third on you, your partner, your existing children and your finances/career. I personally am stopping at two as I feel like a third would result in us having to make compromises that I don't want to make in terms of the opportunities and lifestyle that we could offer our other children.

I agree. It doesn't sound like you actually want a third, or at least not right now. Why don't you park it for 6-12 months and see how you feel then?

I stopped at 2 we thought of a 3rd but after really thinking no it was not the best for us as a family.
We would have had to compromise a lot.
I did have the urge for a 3rd again later on but soon gave my head a wobble at 43 as it would have been the wrong choice.
I would not have any time back until my 60s at least.
Looking back now it would have eaten away at our finances.
My children are now 15&17.
Me and my husband are enjoying more time alone together now.
And the girls are doing their own thing but would have had a toddler by now if we had gone through with a 3rd.
Tbh i wouldnt have copped as well as i thought i would have with a toddler not now the girls are more independent.
As they would have to chip in when im a work child care cost would have been too much for us in the holidays and its not their responsibility to do that.
We are very happy with the 2.
Lots to think about really.
You dont sound so sure about it op.
But that was my experience.

My kids are currently 4 and 2 and I am currently 36, I am not too worried about time as I already have kids and a third isn’t a must…it was more like it would be nice to have another child. I just didn’t think the thought of it would be more stressing rather than exciting. Maybe it’s best to hold off.

I'm 36 and in the same boat! Keep thinking about it then stressing out.

My 2 are older than yours however so worry about the age gap aswell.

What I would say is that your body can do strange things. It can convince you that you want another, but when you think carefully about it you realise that it’s not what you want. For some it is but for others it’s not.

Though I had the urge for a third we decided not to and I’m so glad we didn’t!

Same here very glad.
There is a thread i was just reading about hate being an older mum that might help op as some on there have said the same the body can convince us.

if you're more stressed than excited I'd probably hold off. Do consider when they're all older in terms of bedrooms/car/activities etc, don't just think of having another baby.

we did actually go through all these questions before deciding about having a 3rd. I just wish I had excitement so it makes me feel like yes this is what I want but because I don’t have that I’m not sure.

you know coming from a Asian background, people expect a boy.. I have 2 amazing beautiful girls who I cannot imagine my life without and I really don’t mind another girl but a lot people will be sad for us and I think this may be playing a big part in my stress.

I mean you want people to celebrate your child not be sad for you. I had a lot of this with my second and it really upset me. We want a third to grow our family we both come from very tiny families. But I wouldn’t want people to think oh no it’s a girl if I was to have another girl.

I've just had my third at Christmas and it's the best thing I've ever done. I love having 3 and they're all so close

We had talked about having a third for the last year, one minute we really wanted to and then talked ourselves out of it.
We decided we liked the idea of it probably more than the reality but two weeks ago I found out I'm pregnant 🙈

Absolutely no advice to give you but I'm feeling absolutely terrified at the thought of three children! 🤣

You have my sympathy. I come from Asian background as well so very well versed in the society’s pressure to have a boy. I’m the eldest out of three with a sister and guess what? A youngest brother with a massive age gap 🤣

A third child will mean a lot of changes eg. extra bedroom, extra car seat and potentially a bigger car, double pram, nursery cost etc. You’re still young and so as your two DDs. Maybe revisit this in 6-12 months time?