Hen Do Help

[Newhere1993]

Hello,

We just found out I am about 5ish weeks pregnant. I am however going on a hen do to ibiza next weekend for my SILs hen do. As you can imagine the plan made by them is full partying and alcohol for 4 days. Although I've never been a massive drinker I have always been one to commit to cocktails, so I think it'll be pretty obvious I'm not drinking.

My partner and I can't decide whether all being okay next week, I tell my SIL as we are going and ask her not to say anything to any family (we get on amazingly so she would be fine), or whether I just keep with mocktails and soft drinks and hope they are too distracted to notice 😂 this is the bit is this realistic for those with experience?

We aren't hugely worried about waiting for the full 12 weeks to tell our immediate family, but I also would like to try and get past the wedding day in 5 weeks (which will be rhe next mission) so that everyone is fully focused on the wedding excitement for them and fingers crossed all being okay tell them a week or so afterwards 😁

You could use the old 'on antibiotics for an infection' excuse. Most will probably assume you are pregnant though :)

Stick with the soft drinks/mocktails. If anyone asks just say you're not feeling well but didn't want to let them down by backing out.

Nobody should pressurise anyone to drink if they don't want to.

Yeah it’s going to be difficult to get away with secretly not drinking for a weekend in Ibiza!

You are right that they might be too distracted / those you don’t know well might not realise you usually would be drinking (being teetotal not unusual).

If you are comfortable with your SIL knowing and she can keep a secret, I’d probably just tell her to take the pressure off you a bit.

I found once people started having babies, everyone was very good at just ignoring when someone wasn’t drinking without asking questions, but this depends on the age/stage of your friendship group.

I've done it both ways. I kept my first a secret until 12 weeks as seems to be the norm in the UK, it isn't though in the country I'm from. I think most brits just automatically assume it's the best, most sensible, safest way forward. I've had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy and it was so much easier for me to tell people about losing the pregnancy when they already knew I was pregnant. I think you only need to keep it a secret from the people you would want to keep a miscarriage a secret from if that makes sense. Obvs do what feels right but don't feel pressure to keep it a secret is my advice. If something goes wrong, you'll need their support most likely. Just something to think about

Stick to mock tails and soft drinks

I had a similar situation and asked for lemonade with lime cordial in a gin glass and told people it was gin. No one questioned it!

Thank you all! The majority of people going are mums so I'm imagining they will guess and ignore hopefully, but I think I'll try and get through plus mention antibiotics and hope they are too busy!
@OnSilverStars yep completely agree and the thing would be if it wasn't for the wedding coming next month we would be telling close family for that reason, I just think I'm overthinking it from my SIL perspective. She will be super excited so in a way if she knows before everyone else she'll probably be quite happy 😄

Good tip I'll see how long I can get away with it!