when to tell older children about pregnancy?

[misdee]

i am expecting dc#4 in nov. have 3dd's already who are 8years old, 5yrs, and 3yrs.

when do we tell them? so far we havent, as even though everything feels right, i want to wait till after the 12 week scan. its just because of everything thats happened over the last few years and high emotions surrounding dh health, i dont want to deal with any more tears from the dc if we can avoid them (hard to explain but its how i feel).

am now wondering whether to hold off till 20weeks on or more? i tend not to show untill at least 6months pregnant anyway, but tummy may expand more this time lol.

if you see a heartbeat at 12 week scan then chances of a successful outcome to pg are very high

don't know if that helps

congratulations btw misdee, I am not sure if I said this to you before - I am very happy for you

oh congratulations, I missed this!

We told ours just before the 12 week scan BUT we knew they'd want to come-it was something they really enjoyed.

It was a tricky decision though, and probably would have chosen differently if there was any reason it might have gone wrong-I'm lucky and have never had a mc, have straightforwards pgs etc.

have never had a miscarirage or any major problems, but really dont want to jinx things.

I should think the main thing would be to tell them before there is any possibility of them finding out accidentally from somebody else. People will talk in front of children. But if you are planning to keep it generally quiet, then hold out until you are comfortable. A few months seems an age to children of that age anyway.

outside of family, 2 other people know (apart from you lot on here)

With ds we waited till after 20 week scan but dd not v clued up at that stage, with this one waited till after 12 week scan, would have waited longer but expanding stomach didnt allow that.

I agree that the oldest DD will find it very insulting if others know and she finds out accidentally. If you can hang on and not tell anyone else in RL, then it is feasible I think to wait until 20 weeks. Especially if it will be a weight off your mind when you go to appointments that whatever happens, they will not be exposed to it. They will still have 20 weeks to get used to the whole idea and hopefully enjoy the pregnancy.
I personally would not take a child of any age to an ultrasound appointment. But I think that we have had some particularly unlucky friends.

we waited until 12 week scan, as I was telling adults then too. She was only 17 months then, I think....preg brain still operating on half steam....but she was interested and aware, as all my friends seemed to have babies in their tummies at the same time. I guess the scan could have been a way to say bye bye to a very small brother/sister had it not been a living baby. Lucky it was, just luck I guess.

i have a history of miscarriage so we did not tell ds (then 9) and dd (then 5) when i was last pregnant - i wanted to wait until the baby was at least viable (one of my miscarriages was at 21 weeks). whether that was the right thing to do is debatable. i ended up in hospital at 22 weeks so they had to be told then - and in fact dd2 was born just 5 weeks later so they had very little time to get used to the idea. having said that they coped fantastically.

I have a ds aged 8 and one aged 6, I'm 30 weeks pregnant, I intended to wait until 12 weeks like you but I was so rough, sick, tired at the beginning that we decided to tell the boys at about 8 weeks. I was so glad that I did as they were getting worried about how sick I was and a boy in ds1's class has lost his Mum to cancer and ds was thinking I had the same.

So, I suppose it depends how you're feeling

I told DDs from about 6 weeks, but then I was REALLY sick, so it explained it. Some people wait til they get to the 12 weeks so that there is less risk of having to explain a change in circumstances if something goes wrong. AND, more than 6 months is a long time for children to wait!

I told my dds (4 and 2) at about 15 weeks, but that was because it was becoming obvious and I really didn't want them to find out from anyone else. Had a near miss with the dad of one of my older daughter's friends who was all ready to go into the big congratulations when I managed to head him off. DD2 is not that bothered, but DD1 is very interested. We let her tell both sets of gps too, so she was thrilled with that. I would have kept quiet for longer, but my belly just gave up the ghost at about 12 weeks

told my DS (4.5) after the 12 week scan cos if I was telling other adults I though he should know from us not by accident. But now he is bored of waiting (its only been a week!)