In 2 minds

[aimeeC14]

I've recently just found out I am 4wk+4 days pregnant. At the start of the year me and my partner of 5 years were really up for having a baby. I already have a 6 year old with an ex. I was 19 and clueless but I wouldn't have ever thought of getting rid of my baby. Now I'm 26, still working the same job I had with my first. Just bought a house, can now drive. I'm in a much better position now to have a baby but I'm feeling 50/50 on whether or not to keep the baby. I feel like I'm ready to have one but just come up with a lot of negatives. I.e big wedding coming up in September- partners brothers, I'll be due end of December so not ideal around Christmas and new year. It's my firsts birthday early Jan.
Financially not ready as not long got the house and we are only just managing to stay out of our overdrafts.
I just feel like if I'm second guessing it then we're not ready.

Opinions please 😬

@aimeeC14 did you come off contraception at start of year because you both felt ready? Have all these negatives come up just since your BFP? What are your partner's thoughts?

The only people who can make that decision are the two of you. At 4+4 you have a long way to go still and no guarantees this will definitely end with a baby (for this or any future pregnancies). How do you think you would feel about a loss or a termination?

I think most of us could always come up with pros and cons to pregnancy at any time. It just depends where you want to focus and what is actually doable etc. picture your life in 5 years from now. Who is in it? What is your financial situation? Etc.

For reference, I had three pregnancy losses last year, all very much planned and hoped for. I'm fortunate to have since fallen pregnant again and am now well into the 2nd trimester. And even following all of that, I have moments of 'what have we done? How will we cope?' etc. Bringing a child into the world is a huge life-changing thing and it's normal to have a bit of a panic when confronted with the reality of it! It's just whether you feel those things worrying you are surmountable or not. You will make the right decision for you. 💕

I'm 36 weeks into an unplanned (but welcome) pregnancy and what I will say is that there is never going to be a perfect time to have a baby. There will always be events and plans over that 9 month period and when baby will be tiny, that might have to change. I know I personally would have liked to have paid off more debt, saved more and not be living in a flat - but we'll make it all work.

Only you can decide, but I do think a bit of second guessing is normal. Take your time, talk to your partner. Wishing you all the best x

A wedding to attend and being pregnant over Christmas are really not reasons to have an abortion.

I don’t mean this to be harsh, but I’m not really sure a wedding to attend at 6 months pregnant, is a ‘reason’ for an abortion, it doesn’t really sound like a problem? Neither does being pregnant or having a baby in December. Nor does having a child’s bday one month and another child’s bday the following month.
You also knew about the wedding, Christmas and your older child’s bday and presumably your financial situation before you came off contraception and before you tried that month.

fwiw I think if you want an abortion get one, you don’t need a ‘reason’
but I don’t think you should make up reasons to justify it to yourself, just be honest with yourself about what you want. it’s probably worth considering why these things seemed fine a few months ago and now don’t. What would be the perfect time to have a child and if that’s ever going to be realistic. And if you think it ever won’t be a bit scary to have a second child. I’m sure that would all help your decision.

As someone who took 12 long years to finally have a successful pregnancy I would say think very long and hard. You might get pregnant again further down the line then again you might not. There is never a perfect time as I said we have waited 12 years doesn't mean I'm not bricking it but we will manage as will you if it's what you want.

there will never be the perfect time, always a wedding, celebration etc. you also can’t plan what month you want to be due in round Xmas and birthdays, you came off contraception cuz you wanted a baby so what’s changed?