Unplanned Pregnancy in Early 30s

ASmith1 · 2024-04-21T08:13:37+00:00

I’m 32 and recently just found out I am pregnant (around 4 weeks) this is an unplanned pregnancy with somebody who I’ve only known a couple of months. I came out of a 10 year relationship a year ago with no children or marriage and I am just starting to get my life back on track. I am in a financially stable position with a good job and support system around me, I know the father of the child would be able to support me in all ways but my first thought was to have an abortion given the circumstances this has happened in. I do want children in the future but obviously the niggling thought is I am in my 30s and what if I don’t get another chance. I keep going back and forth on making a decision but I am struggling to decide what is best for me and the baby.

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 12:03

Does he know yet? I would definitely be having that conversation before I made a decision. I also recommend researching the risks of abortion before you make a decision. No one likes to tell women that it can damage your cervix, possibly impairing your ability to carry to term in the future. For some women they have no problems, others do. Just something to consider

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 21/04/2024 12:08

Speak him first before you make a decision.

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 21/04/2024 12:16

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 12:03

Does he know yet? I would definitely be having that conversation before I made a decision. I also recommend researching the risks of abortion before you make a decision. No one likes to tell women that it can damage your cervix, possibly impairing your ability to carry to term in the future. For some women they have no problems, others do. Just something to consider

Where's your medical evidence for this scaremongering comment? Millions of women have abortions and have perfectly normal pregnancies subsequently. I know many women who had abortions before they subsequently went on to have families with no issues.
I do think you should tell him though, but after you've had time to think about which direction you want to go in.

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 12:21

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 21/04/2024 12:16

Where's your medical evidence for this scaremongering comment? Millions of women have abortions and have perfectly normal pregnancies subsequently. I know many women who had abortions before they subsequently went on to have families with no issues.
I do think you should tell him though, but after you've had time to think about which direction you want to go in.

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Forced dilation of the cervix can cause scarring. This leads to the placenta more likely attaching on top of the cervix( to the scar tissue). Complete placenta previa. A serious condition that requires special care as you and child can bleed to death once cervical changes begin in later pregnancy. Get over yourself.

TrishyLou1111 · 21/04/2024 12:38

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 12:21

Forced dilation of the cervix can cause scarring. This leads to the placenta more likely attaching on top of the cervix( to the scar tissue). Complete placenta previa. A serious condition that requires special care as you and child can bleed to death once cervical changes begin in later pregnancy. Get over yourself.

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I've had two abortions.

And four healthy children since.

Dont push your views, lack of education, and statistical information on everyone else.

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 21/04/2024 12:39

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 12:21

Forced dilation of the cervix can cause scarring. This leads to the placenta more likely attaching on top of the cervix( to the scar tissue). Complete placenta previa. A serious condition that requires special care as you and child can bleed to death once cervical changes begin in later pregnancy. Get over yourself.

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Statistics please, relating specifically to abortion. Why do I need to get over myself? You're clearly promoting an anti-abortion agenda to the OP.

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 12:50

You're clearly promoting the other. All I told her was to inform yourself. Treating abortion like it's a single-sided coin is irresponsible and a disservice to op. It isn't a trip to get your hair done ffs. They are not statistics. I had to have a d&c after an incomplete miscarriage. Left scar tissue. I lost two more babies to placenta previa before I was even told what is was and why it was happening. A little information later, and now have two healthy DC. Information is no ones enemy when used correctly

TrishyLou1111 · 21/04/2024 12:59

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 12:50

You're clearly promoting the other. All I told her was to inform yourself. Treating abortion like it's a single-sided coin is irresponsible and a disservice to op. It isn't a trip to get your hair done ffs. They are not statistics. I had to have a d&c after an incomplete miscarriage. Left scar tissue. I lost two more babies to placenta previa before I was even told what is was and why it was happening. A little information later, and now have two healthy DC. Information is no ones enemy when used correctly

But that's just what happened to you? Not the masses. Also, a D&C is a surgical form of abortion. There are different methods that are not invasive.

Information can also be damaging when it's based on a single experience and not educational or backed by the science of some form.

Abortion is a right women have. It's really that simple, and your experience can not change that.

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 13:19

TrishyLou1111 · 21/04/2024 12:59

But that's just what happened to you? Not the masses. Also, a D&C is a surgical form of abortion. There are different methods that are not invasive.

Information can also be damaging when it's based on a single experience and not educational or backed by the science of some form.

Abortion is a right women have. It's really that simple, and your experience can not change that.

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Well of course it's a right, all I'm saying is you should hear every side of a story possible when making a decision like this. If I went in for surgery, do I just want to know how it'll "probably" go? Or do I want to hear all the risks, however small or large involved so I can make an informed decision for myself. Something like this wouldn't just involve a physical, but also emotional toll I would think. Just look at every aspect because you can't take your decision back once it's done. That's fair enough I think.

RedRobyn2021 · 21/04/2024 13:19

I would be going for it if I wanted kids.

Are you with the father or just seeing each other?

I've just been trying to conceive number 2 (I'm 32 almost 33) and it's taken me 9 months compared to when I was 28 it took me 1 month. It could just be luck of the draw but I had a chemical inbetween too and can't help but think my age has been a factor.

RedRobyn2021 · 21/04/2024 13:21

I'm pro abortion 100% but I think there's nothing wrong with being informed and @GoawaySunrise is right

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 21/04/2024 13:31

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 12:50

You're clearly promoting the other. All I told her was to inform yourself. Treating abortion like it's a single-sided coin is irresponsible and a disservice to op. It isn't a trip to get your hair done ffs. They are not statistics. I had to have a d&c after an incomplete miscarriage. Left scar tissue. I lost two more babies to placenta previa before I was even told what is was and why it was happening. A little information later, and now have two healthy DC. Information is no ones enemy when used correctly

I didn't express my opinion one way or another, unlike you. I just don't think it's helpful for you to put your one-sided opinion forward to the OP who clearly has a difficult choice to make where either option would be appropriate for her.
Your comments are based on your own individual circumstances but as millions of women have gone on to have healthy normal pregnancies after abortion I was asking you to give me the statistics for those that haven't, you haven't done that, I expect the numbers are in fact negligible.
Abortion in this country is a safe medically controlled process so no woman wanting one should be put off having one because of comments like yours.

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 13:49

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 21/04/2024 13:31

I didn't express my opinion one way or another, unlike you. I just don't think it's helpful for you to put your one-sided opinion forward to the OP who clearly has a difficult choice to make where either option would be appropriate for her.
Your comments are based on your own individual circumstances but as millions of women have gone on to have healthy normal pregnancies after abortion I was asking you to give me the statistics for those that haven't, you haven't done that, I expect the numbers are in fact negligible.
Abortion in this country is a safe medically controlled process so no woman wanting one should be put off having one because of comments like yours.

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Oh too right, MN is no place to express ones opinion 🙄

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 21/04/2024 13:51

If you look at the NHS website it gives the risks of abortion. The risk of cervical damage referred to by@GoawaySunrise does not occur with medical abortion and surgical abortion prior to 14 weeks. It may occur in a small number of women who have surgical abortion after 14 weeks.
If @GoawaySunrise wanted to talk about risk that's the information she should have given, not make bald statements as if the risk applies to all abortions. It's one thing to be informed but another when incorrect information is given.
Most abortions take place prior to 14 weeks so it's a not a risk for the vast majority of abortions.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 21/04/2024 14:04

I found myself in a similar situation and decided to go for it. In the back of my mind I had the thought that it might be my only chance to have a child.

My dd is now 18yo!

It has been hard at times but overall I feel an immense sense of gratitude to have a lovely dd.

Her father decided he didn't want to be involved which actually made life simpler as I didn't need to worry about anyone else in relation to parenting dd. Financially things have been tight but doable and I am fortunate that my own family, especially my mum, have been and still are very supportive.

GoawaySunrise · 21/04/2024 14:09

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 21/04/2024 13:51

If you look at the NHS website it gives the risks of abortion. The risk of cervical damage referred to by@GoawaySunrise does not occur with medical abortion and surgical abortion prior to 14 weeks. It may occur in a small number of women who have surgical abortion after 14 weeks.
If @GoawaySunrise wanted to talk about risk that's the information she should have given, not make bald statements as if the risk applies to all abortions. It's one thing to be informed but another when incorrect information is given.
Most abortions take place prior to 14 weeks so it's a not a risk for the vast majority of abortions.

Everything I said was true. You're just making assumptions so that you can "disprove" things I've not said in the first place. I didn't say it happens often. Some women also do still have to have surgical intervention after an incomplete medical abortion. This is quickly turning into an abortion wind-up that I really want no part of. Ive said my bit and good luck to you OP!