Breastfeeding - should I bother this time?

[coffeetoffeechocolate]

Hi all, due second baby in a few days. With first baby, we had a terrible breastfeeding journey - baby boy latched on well for his first feed but for subsequent feeds, his latch was very poor despite help from midwives. I would tell them that it was very painful but they'd persuade me to continue as baby was still getting some milk.

Less than a week later, I developed a really bad case of mastitis. Fever and elevated pulse which would not go down for which I was hospitalised. This was during COVID so I had to go to A&E on my own and was told my son couldn't come into hospital with me (luckily not true and my partner was able to bring him in six hours later).

Saw a breastfeeding coordinator who was fab and connected me to what I can only describe as an industrial breast pump which provided immediate relief and she gave me some great pointers for breast feeding my son. However, it was Friday night (she stayed late to see me - wonderful woman!) but she wasn't at the hospital over the weekend. The midwives on our ward didn't know how to use the breast pump, apparently the breastfeeding coordinator was the only one who knew how to work it! At one point during our stay, my son went seven hours without feeding because we couldn't get him to latch, no-one was around who could work the breastpump and I was told they wouldn't give him formula as the point of me being in hospital was to cure my mastitis (I get this, but he was literally getting NO nutrition for seven hours!) Luckily partner brought a breast pump into hospital during visiting hours and smuggled in some pre-made formula in case I couldn't feed during the night.

Initially, I was going to give breastfeeding a go again but now panicking that it might not be a good idea and that I will end up with mastitis again. I developed it several more times before giving up breastfeeding completely by six weeks, but never as bad as that first time. Am I mad, or should I just go with bottle feeding from the start? Supply was never my issue, just getting my baby to latch. Community midwife made a rather nasty comment about the size of my areolas being too big for the baby to latch properly (something which I am already incredibly self-conscious about).

Obviously my judgement is clouded by this and some of the specifics are unlikely to happen again - ie visiting hours much more flexible now but worried if I start breastfeeding, I will be pressurised to keep going and won't be able to stop and will be stuck in a cycle of pumping when I could be spending time with my newborn and toddler.

Would love to hear others opinions! I am aware of the benefits of breastfeeding and don't want this to turn into breastfeeding vs bottlefeeding debate but would love the persepective of other mums, especially those who have had numerous bouts of mastitis in the past.

You could give it a try & see how it goes, could be totally different experience. But don't put any pressure on yourself if it's not working & you decide to switch to formula.
I BF all my 3, 1st was very tough & stopped after 12 weeks, DS 2 fed till 9 months, DD I fed till almost 18months when she self weaned. All 3 were totally different. BF is wonderful when it's going well but mum's mental health is also important & as long as baby is being fed then you shouldn't let anyone make you feel guilty about whatever choice you make.

Hi, I understand your reservations. I ended up having surgery first time around due to an abscess from mastitis. I did manage to carry on after (partly as I needed to keep clearing the infection). I was worried about feeding my second but I didn’t get mastitis at all. However, if I had a third I don’t know it I could do it again.

I know a mum of 4, whose breastfeeding experience was totally different with each child. So I'd definitely give it a go this time round. Can you also find out what support is available in advance? I saw a lactation consultant and went to LLL meetings to get support with latching as we had a really difficult time. I'm now still breastfeeding 6 months on but couldn't have without the amazing support i managed to get.

Good luck!!

Well why don’t you give it a try, in case it works out better than before (different baby, you will have some idea of what you’re doing, we’re not mid Covid, that really was a shitshow of a time to be a new mum).

Also, find a local breastfeeding group and go now before you give birth, get some friendly advice, connect with some of the leaders or mums. I also gave birth during Covid and there wasn’t the same level of support available.

Finally, breasts, like other body parts, really do come in all shapes and sizes so ignore the nasty comment.

If you know what the "problem" is, that's more than half the battle. Your areolas are bigger than average - there are specific techniques for that like the pinch and pop.

It's completely your choice if you didnt want to try again, but there's no reason you wouldn't find it way easier the second time. You can do more specific research in advance about how to latch with large nipples or large areolas.

Ps I put problem in inverted commas because as pp said, all breasts are different and they're all beautiful and fab just the way they are

My advice though is don't get into pumping. It's the worst of both worlds, you miss out on a lot of the benefits of direct breastfeeding and it's so so much harder work.

I'd see how you go. Every baby is different.

My DC1 latched like a champ from day one and BFing was a doddle.

DC2 was a little smaller and couldn't latch well until she was about 8 weeks old. Apparently I've got big nipples, so there was a "size mismatch".
I struggled massively, had to express and bottled feed and only really got BFing established at 12 weeks. If she was my 1st I might have quit.

I had lots of help with Dc1... I was just 17 and determined to do it!! A lovely mw called Winnie stayed late and helped me.. That week in hospital put me on a very successful road to bf... In fact I bf another 10 dc without any issues. Ime never gauge a second dc on anything that happened with your firstborn!! Dc 1 was an awful 17 hour labour. Dc 2 in less than 3 hours.. No similarities at all! Bf a second means less time in the kitchen and more on the sofa with your dc. Taking it easy like you should. A great excuse for some Disney and some treats...

If you've got the cash, I would buy yourself a small breast bump, one baby bottle, a nipple shield and a nice feeding bra. Then you've got everything you need to give it a proper go. If it doesn't work out - so be it!. If you notice yourself getting engorged and the baby's latch isn't very good, you can use the pump (much nicer to use your own one, in your own home, I'd look for a really simple design). That way it will reduce your risk of mastitis. When baby grows a bit, their mouth gets bigger, and feeding suddenly becomes much easier. It really is just about getting through the first 3 weeks or so.

Thanks everyone. I think my judgement has probably been clouded from my experience during COVID and it's not likely to be like that this time. My community midwife had form for making unhelpful comments - when we told her about having to be in hospital for mastitis she said, our son was doing well for being "so delayed" - not a phrase any new parent wants to hear!

@Bibbitybobbity70 you're spot on about mental health. Pumping and struggling with breastfeeding had a huge effect on my mental health last time. I'm already on sertraline for anxiety and depression in this pregnancy and had bad post-partum anxiety last time so definitely need to prioritise this!

@User79853257976 OMG an abscess sounds so painful. That's amazing that you were able to continue to do so with your first and second. If it was just this baby to concentrate on, I could probably do it but I don't want my son to suffer. My partner is great though so I don't think that will be an issue. He is a SAHD when I'm working so has a great bond with our son!

I think definitely reaching out to other breastfeeding mums in the area will be helpful - there are groups local to me. Just after the last time the midwife making comments about the size of my nipples and areolas made me extremely reluctant to go to a group and "get them out" in front of anyone again.

@Mumoftwo1312 pumping is just the worst. It was good in that I could express to relieve my breasts if my son wouldn't latch well but then I ended up in a cycle of oversupply. Luckily I have a hand pump if I need to relieve myself in hospital and an electric pump at home that we know how to use!

I read the other day it protects you against breast cancer. I breast fed 3 of my 4, for 9 and 14 months. I got mastitis with my first DS, was told then to go cold turkey. He's 47, advice was different then.

Breast feeding was different with all of my babies and by far the hardest with the first - it’s like my body knew what to do next time round (or the pipes were cleared out or something!) Mastitis is the pits! Felt so ill with this but it didn’t affect feeding later. With some of my babies they never seemed to quite ‘fit’ on the nipple like others - some sucked in a lot of air, some nipped!, had bleeding nipples which I had to feed through (horrifying!) but in the end I fed them all for three years each and generally loved it - so glad I persevered with number 1 even through mastitis. I guess what I’m saying is that every baby is different and it’s very likely that number two will be a breeeze in comparison - you know what you’re doing now and how it feels. Just give it a go and if it doesn’t work for you or the baby use bottles - nothing to lose. Even one day of breast milk is supposed to make a difference so well worth giving it a go in the short term. (But look after yourself as you can’t be a good mum if you’re ill or in agony!)