Need a bit of advice here - have a dilemma re: telling about pregnancy.

[MrsTittleMouse]

So this is the situation. I am pregnancy with DB2, DD is a very lively toddler and will be 2 when the new baby is born. I'm not doing too badly with the pregnancy, but I have insomnia, so I'm finding it hard to look after DD sometimes. I have my nuchal fold scan coming up. A few days after that, DH goes away on business for almost a week. It had all been arranged that I would go to stay with my family when he's away, so that I can get some help with DD. It'll also be nice to see them, of course! So here's the problem; we are of the "not tell" variety of parents, and we don't want people to know about the pregnancy until we know that the baby is OK. However, as this is a second pregnancy, it is starting to become VERY obvious that I have a bump. I am not at all keen for family to guess that I am pregnant, but worse, my mad grandmother (not a nice person, very nosey and gossipy) will not keep her mouth shut and will ask me about it and tell everyone.
We might get the nuchal fold result back (and the blood test results with it) before DH goes away. If that happens and everything is OK, then no problem. I'll use the time at home to let all the family know, and it'll be lovely to spread the good news. However, if I don't get the result, then I don't think that I want to go, I would rather stay here until the post arrives. DH is worried about me getting the result when I'm on my own, in case it's not good. The other thing, of course, is that if the result pegs me as high risk, then it will be doubly bad, as people will guess AND I'll be stressed out about the baby being OK.
So I need a contingency plan, in case we don't get a good result/a result at all. Any ideas?

Could your DD go and stay on her own with your family? Do you have any friends who could come and stay with you?
Sorry you are worried. Hopefully you are stressing for nothing but it ill be a relief when you have the results I bet!

Friends also don't know about the pregnancy! I have thought about my Dad coming to stay for the first couple of days after DH goes. We should have the results by then. My Dad is a bit practical and not very sympathetic, I'll have to hammer him over the head that I need emotional support if that happens.
I think that I'm worried for two reasons - one is that I'm (ahem) a bit older than ideally I would be for this pregnancy. We don't know what we'd do if I was high risk for a chromosomal abnormality, and it's not something that we would want to decide in the public eye. The other thing is that both of our DBs were the result of fertility treatment (which is also a closely guarded secret - we're that kind of people!). We were very lucky that I conceived DB2 and I would find it very hard to deal with the "when will you try again?" comments as it's not that simple.

Firstly congratulations - and I admire you keeping it a secret I am crap and ended up telling everyone to early wished I'd waited abit

Would it be worth mentioning to people doing nuchal scan so they could rush results through or phone them through before dh goes away? I know we were going on holiday when I was expecting dd2 and they phoned results through to me then sent letter (I was panicking although dd1 was 1:27000 and dd2 was 1:33000 so not sure why I panicked)

Also is it to late/expensive to see if you can find a local childminder/nursery that may take your dd on the odd day to give you a rest?

That's a good point. I hadn't thought about childcare options here because I thought that everything would be OK because we would be staying with family.
Because no-one knows about the pregnancy (except my Mum and Dad and PIL) there have been a lot of things organised for me to do when I go back. As far as everyone else is concerned, they haven't seen me for ages and so it's just a normal trip for me to catch up with everyone.

Having had a high risk screening at 12 weeks I can tell you that my hosptial phoned me within 2 days with the result. You only get a letter about a week later if it is a low risk screening. Does your hospital do the same? If so then you whould know within 2 days... I had the scan on Tuesday and they phoned me on the Thursday.

Can you go and stay with your family, confide in your parents and not see your grandmother/swear your parents to secrecy?

Your dad coming to stay sounds like a good plan, but you may still need to explain the change of plan.

Sadly, all the family have been told that DD and I are coming and plans have been made for me to see everyone (theatre tickets bought etc.). The main problem is mad grandmother. She is my only living GP and would be very offended not to see me. Unfortunately, she is notorious at her church for gossiping, and asked my Mum whether DH and I were sleeping together (when he was still DBF, obviously!). When my Mum had me she used to ask my Mum's friends why they didn't have children and tell them that they should, despite my Mum's best efforts to explain to her that it was a bad idea.

Really wish I'd thought this through before now, but in my defence the plans were made for me to go to stay with family before I even knew I was pregnant.
I will definitely find out the phone number so I'm not reliant on the post office.

Shameless bump.