Not excited about my second child

[Orangepen13]

I feel awful about this, for my child but also for anyone reading who would love to have one or two.

Im 8 months pregnant with my second. My first is 2.5. I adore her now but I found the baby stage just so hard. I didn’t enjoy that time, I don’t have the loving memories of maternity leave, it was a long, grey slog. I didn’t have PND, just babies are hard and she slept badly and cried a lot and it’s really lonely.

my friend came round recently with her new baby and asked what I was looking forward to, and I genuinely couldn’t think of anything other than “when they get to 9mo”. (Coincidentally, this is when I’m going back to work!)

I feel so awful about this, and I don’t know what I’m asking for here, but maybe just wondering if anyone else feels/felt the same? Or if anything makes those first few months just a little bit more joyful?

I don't have much advice, only my own experience but I found the newborn stage with DD1 so so hard and exhausting, it really did go by in a blur of sleepless nights, crying (her and me) and feeling like I was on my own when DH was at work and thinking how the hell do I get through this.....but I did, just like you did with your DD. Was it hard? Yes but did you love her any less? I highly doubt it. By the time DS came along when DD was 3, it was much easier as I knew what I was doing and felt more like 'i got this'. I actually think I found 2 easier then 1! There will still be hard times but remember it's not forever, just take one day at a time and accept any offer of help or support from friends and family.

You will be .

OP is there any chance your partner can take shared parental leave if you find the baby stage difficult?
No reason the whole of the first 9 months should default to you on maternity leave unless that's what you want.

I felt exactly like this, heartily wished I could just skip the birth and first year. I don't love her any less, and in many ways she was an easier baby and worse toddler than her sister.
You'll be fine, and you're allowed to feel how you feel, baby will never know.

I wanted a second child, I didn’t want a second baby. I remember people saying, ah, don’t worry, soon you’ll have a baby, and all I could think of was, but I don’t like babies, I don’t want another one! I never liked pregnancy, and I never liked the baby stage as some women do.

But I still loved DC2 right from the start and somewhat ironically, given it was DH who was keener on another child, DC2 still adores me more seven years later.

It’s ok to feel like this at this stage. You don’t have to like every part. But I promise you you will love them to same.

Yes. Loved my first so much I couldn’t get excited. The only time it hit me was when dh put the Moses basket in the living room and I realised in a few days they would be a brand new baby in there.

I felt exactly the same as my firstborn was a poor sleeper. I can’t say my second was any better, if not worse. Had parents at baby groups brag about how their babies slept all blooming night with no wake ups. Fast forward 10 years and I have well behaved children who have normal sleep patterns and are truly delightful, even the teenager. The same mums are now complaining about their poorly behaved children. Your time will come. The baby years don’t last long.

I adored my first and had terrible PND and PNA with the second, so your experience may vary hugely to what you experienced before.
Having said that, I remember little of the early years when DC2 was little, however it was a very small part and having the two with a similar age gap has, in the long run, been great.

Completely agree that maternity leave was the most challenging year ever. Babies are hard and the loneliness is not something I expected to feel when having a new bundle of joy in my life.

Things that got me through were just going out of my way to join as many baby groups and pram walks as I possibly could, seeing mum friends / our NCT group as often as possible. I'd invite mum friends round, text people for coffee dates, stay and plays and always saying yes to other people's invites too. As much as possible to just be around other people. The loneliness can be overwhelming but I think we just have to remember that the love we gain from it all will outweigh the tough days. ❤️

This is the same arguments going round my head and stopping me having a second. I didn’t enjoy pregnancy, birth was horrid, recovery wasn’t smooth, and the newborn period just awful. People keep asking if we’ll have another baby and I say that if I could go straight to having a 9 month old then I’d have 6 kids. But the 18 months from pregnancy - 9 months old I just hated and honestly couldn’t imagine doing again.
But, so so many people have said that second time round is easier. Maybe because you know what you’re doing, maybe because you have an older child to distract you from solely focusing on the hard parts of the newborn days.
Plus, it’ll be worth it in the long run when you kids are a bit older and playing together.

I'm 3 weeks in with my second and felt the same before she arrived. Just wanted to fast forward through the baby stage. I can honestly say though it's been much better than I expected. I recognise it's early days but we just feel so much better prepared this time. Yes it's tough but you know what to expect and it goes by so quick, knowing that is helping me appreciate the early days in a way that I couldn't first time. First born is adjusting so well too, again better than I thought. You got this!

I went back to work 2 days a week when my first was just over 3 months old and it did make life more enjoyable. DH looked after her those 2 days initially.
I did find babies monotonous - much preferred them when they got a bit older. And I did go on to have DC2 very quickly after DC1. But everyone is different.

I'm only 7 weeks with our second but feel the same. We had our first via IVF sand had several unsuccessful rounds before randomly
conceiving for the first time naturally in 6 years. Hoping it pans out well for us but dreading doing the baby stage and maternity leave again. I went back at 6 months last time and am planning the same this time round. I just want to fast forward a few years as I've really enjoyed 18 months+ (for the most part). Just solidarity really and empathy, and reassurance there are lots of people who feel this way. Wishing you well.