Am I ready for a baby?

[Creativepotter]

When did you know it was the right time for you and dp to start trying for a baby?

my dp and I talk about it a lot and we want a family of our own, but when do we know we’re ready? For context, we are early 30s.

My little brother got engaged and I realised we needed to decide what we wanted from life. We had discussed it and were early thirties. We went out for dinner that night, I brought it up and we decided if it was something we wanted we should go for it as had no idea how long it might take us to get pregnant. As it turned out it was two weeks 😂

It's such an annoying answer, but in my experience you just know. It's a really personal thing that's different for everyone depending on their own feelings, views, and circumstances but when you're ready you'll just know it and won't be able to wait a second longer to start trying. I didn’t really ever want children before I turned 33 and met my partner, and then it was suddenly like this urgent need that I couldn't ignore!

I'd also say that for me it wasn't that I was ready - I just reached the point that if I didn't get the chance I'd be more upset. I have two kids now and most days I don't feel ready when I get up!

DH and I had been married about 5 years. I had not really wanted kids. But some others were having babies and, suddenly, I thought: I'd like to have kids at the same time so they could play together. So we did. Turns out, DH was sorta hoping to have kids and was prepared to talk me into it if necessary at the last minute. Irony: I had to convince him to have the second one - who turned out to be the child of his heart.
My DSis waited too long and it never worked so I'd say, if you 're the least bit broody, try now, get lucky and let your DP catch up.

I don't think you ever are "ready". There's always somewhere you'd like to travel to, a job you'd like to do etc before kids.... but it's when you think that having a child is more important than those things you go for it.

I'm pregnant with my second at 33 (have a 16 month old) and still don't feel ready (and I already have 1)! I just knew children was more important to me than anything else.

Nobody can prepare you for children.
So whatever ideas you have about being ready or not - you don't know what you're getting ready for. It's an adventure.

But what I think is important (along with the financial & emotional stability) in is that you both really want children. Not because you should or the other does, but fully on board, 100% in whatever may happen. And not just a cute baby, but a toddler, a child and a stroppy teen with all their different challenges.

I wasn't ready, really, nor was my partner, but we'd reached the age that we couldn't wait any longer! It's not easy but our DC is amazing.

You can always think of other things you could have done before TTC.

At your age I might suggest having a year of really going for it ticking stuff off the list.

Thanks everyone - so helpful 💗

I turned 30, my coil was due out, we’d been married 2 years (known each other over 10), it was during Covid so the planned year of travel couldn’t happen.

But being ready to TTC is different from being ready for a baby. I don’t think anyone is ready for that 😂

I'm the same and I think lots of my freinds are in the same boat .

I didn't feel ready (still don't!) but many friends and close family having fertility issues prompted me to start trying when i turned 34. Got pregnant immediately but you don't know how easy or hard it's going to be until you try (i don't think the fertilty tears are always accurate).

I'm very lucky and I'm so thankful but I'd also have loved a few more care free years!

For me the risk of waiting and not being able to have kids outweighed the positives of waiting a few more years but that's a very personal choice.

This. I think waiting til you’re totally ready in every sense is impossible.
but do consider whether you want to get married if you’re not, I would only consider getting pregnant once I was married. Typically women will make financial sacrifices once they have kids (unpaid or low paid maternity leave, part time work) and being married protects you if you split.

We have personally planned from about 3 years out - bought a bigger house, saved again like crazy after buying the house, made sure I had been in same job long enough to get full enhanced maternity pay, had a big adventure holiday that we wouldn't be able to do again until all children were at least teenagers. Now pregnant, and on the "have a massive clear-out so there is somewhere to actually put the baby" stage, and wishing we'd done that bit last year as we had planned!

You will never feel “ready”. Pregnancy and parenting took me so far out of my comfort zone initially that there was nothing I could do to really prepare for it, apart from getting things ready! And as others have said, there are always things you still want to do!

What I did want to do though, was bring a child into a solid set up as possible. So I made sure that I could provide a stable home for them, picked the right partner, had a good job, and the means to manage on my own should the worst happen in my relationship.

And it’s important to also accept your life won’t be your own anymore, there will always be someone else to consider in most decisions you make. It’s good they are cute, I’m not mumsy in the slightest but I love my daughter more than anything it’s it’s such a privilege to see her grow up