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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Have 2 kids went for a third and now expecting twins…scared

24 replies

Leebee3 · 13/04/2024 17:35

I have two kids 7 and 5. Me and my husband always wanted 3 and we discussed it for a long time thinking about finances, house, lifestyle etc and decided we would go again as we didn’t want to leave it any longer. Fortune to get pregnant again but found out it’s twins! I feel like this hit me like a ton of bricks, I’m really scared. I had a plan for 3 and knew we could manage it but feel 4 is just going to be completely overwhelming. It’s going to mean I will have to take a career break, change my car and just feel it will change my life. I’m not ready for it and now feel regretful which I don’t want to. Would appreciate some honest advice and opinions or anyone who has experienced going from 2 to 4.
Thank you x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

jamielovesjudy · 13/04/2024 17:37

You don't have to continue the pregnancy if you don't want to.

That's just a fact. And it's a very valid choice.

However, if termination isn't for you, then I'm surely someone with a bigger set of kids will be along shortly to reassure :) And maybe FB groups for larger families? People with lots of kids seem to say after 3, they generally just slot in as it's already chaos by 3+

And many many say it's worth it in the long run, etc

theeyeofdoe · 13/04/2024 17:38

That happened to a friend of mine, she'd pushed her husband for a third and got twins. Husband not impressed, but all worked out in the end, although they ended up moving to a cheaper area nearer her family so they could help out and she retrained as she couldn't get a nanny who would look after all four children.

SOxon · 13/04/2024 17:44

good thing it isn’t triplets

photogenic twins, register with a good agency,
they will pay for themselves in no time

what fun, twins !

Scarletttulips · 13/04/2024 17:48

Twins are hard work and a bit daunting! I cried when I found out.

But you cut corners, they get put down and go to sleep by themselves, they learn to wait to be fed, because crying doesn’t get them anywhere! Can’t stop feeding one when the other wakes up!

They cling and don’t throw themselves back so you can carry 2 safely. It’s like they just know!

They slept well together for the first 6 months in the same cot.

It’s expensive and chaotic and mine are now adults. I wouldn’t change them for the world. I’m lucky to have been given time at home to raise my own children.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/04/2024 17:59

Oh ok, I had one fewer when we got caught with the suprise freebie but I still know ho daunting it is. Although twins are an adjustment, you will get used to it. Your older ones are in school so you'll get time for the babies and they're old enough to have a bit of patience and help.

caringcarer · 13/04/2024 19:56

Oh, you are so lucky, I'd have loved twins. Congratulations OP, you might feel scared now but I know several families with twins and they all managed even though the first 2 years were harder. They will play together in time. My sister has 4 DC and she said 4 is no harder than 3.

Decafflatteplease · 13/04/2024 20:00

No experience of twins here @Leebee3 but we have 4 DC. I found the jump from 3-4 the easiest jump! Happy to answer any questions around having 4 🙂

BrieHugger · 13/04/2024 20:02

I know someone who had two daughters and tried for a third, really hoping for a little boy. Triplet girls.

Plantlamptreehouse · 13/04/2024 20:17

Two sets of twins here. Don't panic! Mine are 6 and 2. I won't lie to you and say it's a bed of roses but we have way more good times than bad. I wouldn't change it for the world.

fourkid · 13/04/2024 20:18

I had to reply as this was/ is me! My older ones were 8 and nearly 5 when my twins were born. It was an unexpected pregnancy and total shock !! Because you have already had children I think you'll cope with the tiredness at the beginning. My twins were born full term and some twins are early and need special care etc. I'll be honest I can't say it has been easy, it has been really hard at times and my second child has suffered because he was only little when they were born and it is really really difficult giving the others as much attention with little twins! We have a lot of behavioural challenges with him as a result. I've had a lot of personal stuff to deal with as well in the last couple of years, lots of unexpected grief and not really any available family support. I had to change jobs a few months ago because I needed term time only, and until they were three the childcare was so expensive but there is additional financial support for childcare now so that should help a bit, mine start school in September so I feel like there is a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel because that routine will suit them I think (they do go to nursery when I'm at work 2/3 days). I struggle to take the twins out on my own because they are really hard work, one runs in one direction and the other runs in the opposite!! They are obviously amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world, I feel blessed and lucky. I can't sugar coat it though, for us it is a daily challenge. The level of organisation on a daily basis is just mind blowing, I think they watch too much TV and I can't spend the time
I want with my older kids- but those flashes of them all being together and having fun are the bonus bits! If you have some support from family
And you and your partner are a total team you'll be fine xx

Compsearch · 13/04/2024 20:23

I think you’re lucky OP - your others are a little older so the twins will have each other.

I’ve just lost what would have been dc3 (mc at 8 weeks) and we are trying again - I’d actually love twins because my DC’s 1 and 2 are so close in age and generally (they are 5 and 3) - I’d worry a little that dc3 would be left out with the bigger gap, but that won’t be an issue for you.

appreciate it’s very daunting as well for all the obvious reasons and of course you have a choice. Wishing you all the best.

RagzRebooted · 13/04/2024 20:23

This happened to my MIL. Second marriage, both had 2 DC already, MIL persuaded FIL to TTC and they got twins! One of whom is DH. She said it was hard, but the older two helped a lot and she joined some twin groups where they passed on clothes and equipment and stuff.

atotalshambles · 13/04/2024 20:23

I haven't got twins but have 4 children who were close together. Had 3 under 3 1/2. They are older now. It is hard, expensive but so much fun and I wouldn't change a thing. A good friend had the same experience. She was happy with 2 and had an 'accident' and ended up with 4. She has the same experience as me in that she loves it (even though it can be hard work). Ultimately it is up to you OP - whatever you want to do -it is your choice. You can do this (if you want to of course).

RandomMess · 13/04/2024 20:28

@BrieHugger wonder if we know the same family. The girls are late 20s now!

FlowersInAFlowerBed · 13/04/2024 20:32

I have 4 and I do find it hard (much harder than 3) but I'm a single parent so that will be the difference and I don't have twins, one thing I will say though is I do find being a family of 5 is more difficult as everything seems to be aimed at families of 4 but you would have had that issue anyway with a 3rd

GoodnightAdeline · 13/04/2024 20:33

BrieHugger · 13/04/2024 20:02

I know someone who had two daughters and tried for a third, really hoping for a little boy. Triplet girls.

How is this helpful or even relevant?

RandomMess · 13/04/2024 20:44

Hopefully your older DC will help out in little ways that will make a difference. They are a school full time etc.

You know how to look after babies. The twins will entertain each other once they are older.

It's entirely up to you whether you feel able to continue with the pregnancy.

I had 4 DC, the youngest 3 very close in age and it was full on. Life was completely child centred.

Original poster

Leebee3 · 13/04/2024 21:46

Thank you so much for all your comments. Personally I definitely want to continue with my pregnancy as I see them as a gift. Just need to get my head around it and how it will change things but doesn’t necessarily mean for the worst. I know it will be hard but really appreciate all the advice and taking the time to comment. Thank you x

OP posts:

BettySpaghettio · 13/04/2024 21:50

You'll be totally fine. If you've got three, what's one more. Plus your others are a reasonably independent age, you're experienced, and have partner support.
They will be an absolute joy, just don't worry too much about the logistics. My grandmother had 10, and no washing machine. It'll all be fine

glasshalfsomething · 13/04/2024 21:53

Suprise non identical twins here. 3.5yr old now and still find myself shocked by the situation we got ourselves in. They were numbers 2+3 for me.

its an absolute financial challenge. I had to go back to work at 9 months (for my sanity and for cash flow, but luckily earned more than nursery fees).

best advice I had was to only listen to twin mums. There really is a difference between single babies/close in age siblings and twins. And I found twin mums just ‘got it’.

take all the help you can get. Lower standards. And enjoy the fun parts. Oh, and don’t compare them to siblings or each other.

you got this.

ontheflighttosingapore · 13/04/2024 22:00

Twins are totally amazing. Mine are 18 now but I have felt lucky every single day to have had them and I mean that. I could have watched them all day long they are so facinating how they interact with each other. Mine are best friends and always have been right from the start. Admittedly I only had one other child when they were born but she wasn't at school and I found it exhausting for the first 2 years but so worth it Congratulations it will be very tiring but there's nothing quite like it they are so special

Jennywren8 · 13/04/2024 22:02

This was me, I had a 5 and a 2 year old and twisted my DHs arm to have a cheeky number 3 and got two (twins). Honestly it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I'd already learnt a lot of the skills and know how from my older 2 and just everything x 2, if I changed nappies I'd do them both, if I breast fed them I'd feed them both, bath them together, fed them together. It wasn't like having two children, just maybe 1.5. It's really wonderful now, they share a room, and always hanging out together so I can get on with stuff and don't have to keep them occupied at all. I had 10 month's maternity leave and then went back part time and covered childcare by a cheap but good nursery and my mum helping out - we couldn't survive on one salary.
Honestly, it's the best thing that ever happened to us, we have a busy but lovely house and the twins are a godsend now the older ones are ratty teenagers- when they come out the other day end, the twins will be going through it.
One piece of advice though - book your husband in for a vasectomy!!

Aria20 · 14/04/2024 08:15

Congratulations they will be a blessing. I had that age gap when I went for no 3 and I actually wish she'd been a twin as now mine are 15, 13 and 6 - the older ones have each other and do their own thing and the youngest is often lonely and bored so I have to have loads of play dates and end up with extra children here anyway!

I'm sure it will be a challenge at times and expensive and tiring to start but lovely for them to have that special bond.

Zoflorabore · 14/04/2024 08:28

This was my brother and his ex wife. They had 2 girls and really wanted a third ( and a boy ) and ended up having twin boys! They were in a really small house at the time and had a small car but they made it work and upgraded the car and moved house a few years later before splitting up as she cheated on him. They get on great now and co-parent nicely and the kids are all teens and I know they wouldn’t change a thing about having the twins.

logistics can seem daunting but you make it work. My nephews were super close until they hit their teens but don’t get on very well now and have separate bedrooms but I’ve no doubt once they mature it will be ok. Growing up it was great as they had a ready made playmate at all times but still had their own interests.
good luck to you and your family, everything will work out in the end and you get 2 gorgeous babies to love.

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