Feeling lonely during the First Trimester

[Hidingmynamewhilstpregnant]

9 weeks pregnant with second child, a very much wanted baby after 18 months of trying. First pregnancy took place during covid so the world was a completely different place, but I don’t recall feeling so lonely.

Only myself and my husband know that we are expecting baby no.2 and I am finding it hard not being able to talk to anyone. We aren’t planning on telling anyone else until we have reached or second trimester,

Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones but I just feel so sad. I’ve had to attend a wedding where I had to hide behind non alcoholic wine and couldn’t eat the food. I’ve another event tomorrow which is going to be even more difficult to hide as the nausea has well and truly kicked in. I was crying to my mum earlier about being unable to celebrate my 30th birthday next month due to another wedding and other commitments and just feeling forgotten about but I just wanted her to know that it isn’t just that which is bothering me.

My husband is a supportive husband, but even he is preoccupied what with a larger than life 3 year old and add into the mix that we are going through a house sale and a house purchase (doubling our current mortgage in doing so) which is adding to the pre-Mat leave anxiety.

i suppose I just want reassurance that I am not alone in having these thoughts.

I think you’re feeling overwhelmed which is completely understandable. You have a lot going on- being pregnant and moving house are two of the most stressful things and you’re doing it at the same time.

Only you two can decide when you want tk share your pregnancy news but why not share with your mum and ask her to keep quiet? That way you have more support and someone you can talk to about it.

I won’t lie, I found my second pregnancy tough, you don’t have the same time you had with your first as you’re a lot busier. I also didn’t find that I had the same excitement as I wasn’t taking bump pictures and finding out what the baby was size wise but I put it down to a busy life with a toddler.

Your little one has reached an age were you’ve got a bit more freedom back. Now you’re pregnant and there’s a bit more restrictions regarding food and drink so it’s okay to feel a bit down about it all. Just remind yourself that you’re getting closer to the second trimester and can look forward to sharing your news!

As someone who hid her pregnancy until birth with my second child (due to losing my first, stillborn) it was mega hard but I was adamant I didn't want anyone knowing. I have 50/50 chance of baby coming home. With my third, I told more people and it made me feel better. Regardless of outcome I would need the support. Do you not have 1/2 people you're close to you can share with? It might massively help. You're definitely not alone with those thoughts.

I am 10 weeks and 6 days with my second. I feel lonely too. I am suffering with severe HG. I have the vomitting more under control but the hormones are making me feel awful. I also dont remember feeling like this with my first.

But we have to remember we are not alone and we need to speak up, even if it is to say. I am having a really bad day today and have the hope that things will get better.

I take one day at a time at the moment in the hope the 9 months move quickly because i really dont like pregnancy.

why not tell then? I don’t get the waiting to tell. It’s not guaranteed all fine at any point. Sounds like it would help you to talk to others. I did tell early then had a MC, zero regrets.

I'm 9 weeks too, but with my first. I'm finding it quite isolating not telling people, but also really don't want all the attention yet.

It sounds like you might benefit telling your Mum, of course you don't have to but it's worth considering. I told my parents (and in-laws) early on and was grateful for the support when my second pregnancy ended in miscarriage.

Surely being invited to all these occasions you’re not enjoying suggests you’re not being ‘forgotten about’? If you’d prefer to celebrate your birthday on the day, rather than attend a wedding, then do that, especially if the nausea means you don’t enjoy weddings/parties? It sounds to me as if you’re wilfully depriving yourself of sources of support by your decision not to disclose — why not tell your mother and a trusted friend, and tell them to keep it to themselves?