Lonely living overseas

[Bluecroc]

I’m 11 weeks tomorrow, living overseas. We haven’t told anyone yet, I’m waiting for my 13 wk scan to make sure everything is fine.

I’m currently feeling anxious and lonely, every time I think about home I cry. I’m up in the night anxious and lonely and get up early to go to work.

I’ve been reflecting on my friendships here and I don’t feel like I have a true, loyal friend I can confide in. I have lots of friends to go drinking with but none for this stage of my life.

My boyfriend is stressed at work right now (he’s having a huge month) so I feel like he’s not supporting me the best as he feels anxious too.

I’ve downloaded the peanut app to try and meet new people but I’m pretty nervous and apprehensive about it.

I feel like it’s only me right now reading up about all pregnancy things which is adding to the loneliness. I’m hoping when my boyfriend is less busy at work he can prioritise the pregnancy more. He doesn’t know what’s happening with my body.

Just looking for some general advice, does this feeling pass? Can anyone relate?

Are you staying overseas to raise your child? Or is this a temporary move? I lived in SE Asia for two years and central America before that and while I had lots of friends it was a transient community of expats. But I knew I would eventually come home. I think it depends if you have an end date as to whether it will pass as if you aren't coming back then you'll need to really invest yourself in antenatal classes or similar to find people at a similar life stage. If you are coming back then you'll probably be homesick until you do - for me I sort of checked out once I knew when I would be returning. It's tough though.

I wouldnt have a baby overseas with a boyfriend, if the relationship breaks down you are stuck there permanently if he wont leave or let you leave. Can you move back home?

I can relate! It depends a bit on your life situation of course - are you there permanently or is there an end date? How far from family? Etc. We live in Europe in a country apart from both families (who also don't live in the same country...) and I was first pregnant during Covid so no hope of seeing either parents or in-laws until after the birth. It is lonely, especially in the first trimester - but to be honest it is in general, depending on who you have told.

I found it got easier after the birth as I found some Facebook groups for, essentially, immigrants in my country who had recently had kids and met up for coffee - it was so nice to hang out with people in the same situation as us with no family in the country! They became my support. If you use the app, maybe try and find people who have young kids and ask to meet and say you'd love to hear how they've found it - people love giving advice and it makes more of a "point" to the initial meeting. Good luck!