Body image during pregnancy

[AnnaMariaA]

I'm grateful to be pregnant, but I find that I start to struggle with body image. I'm nearly 18 weeks now, and I don't really look pregnant, just fat. Rather than developing a cute little bump, I have rolls of fat and whenever I look in the mirror, I can't help but thinking that I look very unattractive.

It's my first pregnancy, I've struggled with weight and body image all my life and always have to work hard to keep a more or less acceptable weight. I've been slightly overweight before pregnancy, BMI 27, dress size 10/12 and I never felt comfortable with showing my body, not even to DH (although we have/had a healthy sex life and are naked in front of each other).

I'm not sure how to handle the body changes in pregnancy, and I also start to feel that I am maybe too selfish for motherhood to begin with, if that's what I am worrying about.

I know that I need to work on changing my mindset. Does anyone have any advice which way to go....do I need to learn to feel beautiful in pregnancy with this new body, or do I need to learn to let go of the idea of wanting to look good and get used to the fact that it's not about me anymore but about the baby?

Your body is going through a lot of changes and it’s normal to struggle to accept your changing image as your pregnancy progresses - it certainly does not make you too selfish for motherhood! I don’t have any advice that can make you instantly feel better, but try to remind yourself of what an incredible thing your body is doing - you’re growing a tiny human and providing them with a warm, safe place to grow and develop. Before you know it you’ll probably have a very distinctive bump and after that it won’t be long until your baby is snuggled in your arms. It’s easier said than done but just try and enjoy it!

Thank you @OopsieeDaisy

Are you managing to do anything to keep yourself fit and healthy during pregnancy that might help you feel more body confident?
There might be some pregnancy specific exercise classes in your area or even getting your step count up each day can help lift your mood and help you feel healthier and like you're nurturing your body during this period of change.

I’m not sure I would classify a dress size 10 as overweight
I appreciate the bmi but it is notoriously inaccurate and better at giving averages across the population, and doesn’t work for every individual. Given that, and I don’t know maybe you’re right, but is it possible when you’re talking about ‘rolls of fat’ you’re perhaps being a bit harsh on yourself. Are you comparing yourself to real women you see at hospital apts, or Instagram models or something else.

I don’t think considering massive changes to your body and taking time to adjust to them indicate you’re in any way selfish though. But try to think about the amazing things your body is doing and focus on the positive, like can you do pregnancy safe exercise and eat well and feel positive about that, focus on what makes you feel good. Also buy some maternity shapewear and some nice maternity clothes if you can afford it. I felt like trash for weeks then realised how much better I felt as soon as I wore some clothes that actually fit!

This is really good advice, thank you @SouthwestSis and @Cronchy. I had to give up my main physical activity because it's martial arts and not considered safe in pregnancy, but I've started some pregnancy workouts and yoga which I do like. I might try to stick to an exercise schedule and start the day with something active for the next few days.
I'm also not eating as healthily as I could, I've started bad habits during the first trimester when I could only stomach carbs and some junk food, but my sickness has faded now and I could make an effort to go back to a healthy diet.

I feel the same way OP. The reality is that we've had a lifetime of being socially conditioned to think we have to look a certain way, social media and TV only showing glamorous women who look impossibly beautiful, plus lots of jokes about fat middle aged women etc. Fat women have no value in society except to be made fun of 🙄

Pregnancy doesn't come with a brain transplant, of course you still care about this stuff and it's hard. I remind myself that it's temporary. My DP still thinks I'm beautiful (or is at least saying all the right things). My baby is healthy. Pregnancy is hard. I have to grow a baby while working full time. I'll just have to deal with the weight post partum. Will I have time or energy? Don't know but take one problem at a time.

Perfectly put 👏

I find a lot of body positive content quite cheesy but I like Alex Light on instagram who is very open about previous issues with weight and body image, and talked quite a lot about how she felt about her body changing in pregnancy. She's alexlight_ldn - might be worth a look?x