Baby’s Surname

[Gold3109]

I’m divorced and still have my married name as we have children from that marriage so my surname and theirs are the same. I am pregnant and in an on and off again relationship unfortunately - we don’t live together nor have plans to. My question is what do I do about the babies surname. He wants the baby to have his name but I feel uncomfortable with this as I won’t share the name and have no plans to marry, but I can see why he doesn’t want the baby to have my name as it’s also my ex’s name…. We could double barrel but admittedly that sounds rubbish 🫠

I don’t know what there is to hate. My sister and I have different fathers so we have slightly different surnames, case closed, nothing to be ashamed of.

Sorry, I didn’t mean removed. I meant I don’t understand why his surname would be excluded in the first place. You are both the child’s parents and should both be allowed to have that reflected in the surname regardless of your romantic status with one another.

With respect OP, genuinely, you’re having a child out of wedlock with a second father, I don’t know how important tradition is here.

Goodness me! Not sure why you are so angry and why you would make that assumption? I stated we have an off and on again relationship, we have no plans to live together or marry. So I was unsure and undecided what to do about the babies surname. A baby born out of wedlock wouldn’t automatically get the father’s surname. The father will be on the birth certificate because it’s his baby, we are on good terms and he would want to be - again regardless of whether we are a couple or not. He will be involved in the babies upbringing and will be as present as he wants to be that’s never been disputed. You also have insinuated that I am only putting him on the birth certificate to ‘get money’ out of him - even if that was the case and it’s not as stated above the child maintenance I would receive wouldn’t even cover 25% of the nursery fees so hardly a master plan to con my on/off boyfriend out of some money. Thankfully he doesn’t think the way you do

Haha yes, I get your point, I mean my plan was to never re-marry and never have anymore children - but hey, sometimes life messes that up! I am def considering double barrelling

In your situation I would double barrel on the birth certificate, then just use your surname day to day.

In England and Wales (don't know about Scotland) babies have always traditionally taken their mother's surname, whether the mother was married or not. It's just that usually the mother had taken the father's surname on marriage. It's only because of societal changes and the increase in unmarried parents that more children have been given their father's surname.

I didn't want my baby to not have my name and her father felt the same so we gave her both, in your case though because you have other children I might have just stuck with mine.

I think when deciding surnames there is a tendency to see things from the adult's point of view.

We should really think about what is best for the child. And best in this situation is the same name as you and your other children.

Your name.

If you want you could give the baby his/her father's surname as a middle name.

You don't have your ex-husband's surname, you have your surname.

Give the baby your surname.

As there are siblings on both sides i would be inclined to double barrell and use yours day to day.

Is a lose lose situation, the baby will have a different surname to its family regardless of what the surname is, because if you give it your surname then it won't have the same name as the father.

Have you discussed how contact and finances will be shared, is he looking at ultimately a 50/50! Split on everything? I think those kinds of discussions are far more important than what the surname will be.

Definitely your name.

You could add his name as a middle name.