Is it too late to enjoy this pregnancy?

[Newusername2024]

I am now 22 weeks and have been filled with anxiety since my BFP after suffering previous losses.

I am envious of others who are enjoying their pregnancy, documenting in journals and taking pictures when all I can do is get through each day feeling grateful.

I don’t want to look back and regret it. Have I got enough time to turn this around?

I'm so sorry you've struggled with anxiety, and especially for your losses. I can't imagine how hard it must be to go through pregnancy with those worries, it's so stressful even for those lucky enough to have an uneventful pregnancy.

I'd say, start now with anything you want to do, be it journalling, taking photos, whatever. It doesn't matter if you're halfway through pregnancy, better to start late than not do it at all and have regrets!

One thing I really, really wish I had done is have one of those twee billowy dress curly hair photoshoots. There's a photographer in our town who does them for £100, but I turned my nose up and said it was a waste of money. Now, I wish I'd gone in with an open (read, less snobbish 😂) attitude, I'd love to have photos like that to look back on!

Stop comparing yourself to all these fake people online. I think most people are anxious and/or miserable during this time. I definitely did not feel like taking pretty pictures because i was exhausted/nauseous and glued to the sofa and I have not enjoyed any of my pregnancy time (I am 14 wks). I think all those women are lying bastards and exist to make us feel bad about ourselves.😂 I have no other explanation because every woman I talked to in real life hated her early pregnancy experience.

I didn't have severe anxiety but I'm a worrier and didn't really enjoy pregnancy until around 20 weeks. A pregnancy photoshoot would've been my worst nightmare, but by 20 weeks I started getting my husband to take nice photos of me with the bump, and I started doing things like making a playlist for the baby and playing it to the bump etc which helped me bond. I don't think pregnancy journals really matter though, you'll be far more interested in looking back at photos of your baby as a newborn once they are here! And that's what your baby will be interested in when they're older. So don't worry too much at all. Just try to enjoy this stage if you can!

I think you should take with a pinch of salt the people you're seeing making this a 'lifestyle' thing. It's just a curated image - or they've experienced a very different journey to yours.
It's pretty natural to be a bit anxious - especially if you've had losses. A little daily gratitude sounds about right!
I don't think I fully relaxed until I was past 35 weeks!
Maybe plan a last getaway before the baby arrives?

Honestly, do what you can to get through. Why should it be enjoyable? I’m seeing it as a means to an end goal. The idea of journaling or taking photos of myself is just unnecessary. You have no idea what’s going on behind someone’s social media. Don’t “try and enjoy it”, that’s unnecessary pressure.

Aah, my sister is one of those “everything is wonderful” social media people. And I know for a fact she’s a complete mess in real life. During her pregnancy she was constantly posting about how blessed she is, she seemed to find a never-ending flock of fields to take pictures in of her staring into the distance/at flowers/at her bump, posting the photos with meaningful quotes about gratitude and life and the glory of being an expectant mum. In real life she was sick as a dog, didn’t go to work at all and ranted to anyone who would listen about how shit pregnancy is. When I told her I was pregnant she told me to document every day with photos and a journal, and to gather momentos that I can one day give the baby. I told her to sod off and I would get through my own way. If that involves photos at some point, lovely. If not, I genuinely don’t care.

I know I sound judgey and harsh, but it’s just because she lives through her social media and pregnancy was just one part of that. If I’m being fair I’d say you know what, that worked for her and gave her something to focus on, but it just isn’t my style. You just do whatever works for you to get through.

I think it’s hard to not feel anxious in pregnancy! I didn’t start to enjoy pregnancy until after the 20 week scan when we then knew that everything was fine. But then everyday there’d be the anxiety around feeling baby’s kicks and we’re they moving enough etc.
It’s a great time to start enjoying pregnancy now though - you probably look pregnant which I think really helped me feel like it’s really happening. Maybe buy yourself some nice maternity clothes that show off the bump.
Do one of those photoshoots if you fancy, or just try to take some nice pictures yourself at home that you can look back on. I wish I’d taken nicer photos so I could look back and really appreciate what my body had done.
But don’t worry if you don’t enjoy everyday of pregnancy. There will be great moments, but please try not to compare your experience to someone else’s snapshot of a moment of their pregnancy.
Being pregnant isn’t glamorous or fun at times. It can be hard and sometimes painful and a really anxious time. And that’s OK. Just try to grab those moments when you look at yourself and think wow there’s a baby in there, or where you think you look really lovely with your bump, or when you see some super cute baby outfits and you get excited to dress your baby nicely. There’s lots of lovey little moments.
Also, could you have a private scan in a few weeks? We had a 3D scan when I was about 30 weeks and it did make me enjoy the last months of pregnancy as I was able to picture my sons face a bit more which made everything more real.

A lot of people hate being pregnant!

I had such severe nausea I lost over a stone and was lighter post pregnancy than before. I had placenta previa and ended up practically living at the hospital with bleeds, injection, growth scans.

Some people have easy pregnancies and thats amazing for them, but don't fall into a trap of feeling worse because you aren't enjoying it. It's absolutely 1000% fine to just survive the pregnancy and enjoy your little baby at the end (and even then some periods are just about survival - yes 4 month regression I'm talking to you 😂).

You can not enjoy being pregnant and love your baby.

I'm 22+1 after three losses last year! Be gentle with yourself! There is no right or wrong way to do pregnancy, you've just got to get through! And it is bloody exhausting and anxiety-ridden after loss!! You're doing great!

However, if you are feeling like 'turning it around' it's definitely not too late. I think this is maybe you telling yourself that your nerves are finally settling a bit as it all feels a bit more real and hopeful. I've certainly been feeling more hopeful since my 20wk scan. Finally daring to believe this may actually be happening. It still feels completely surreal in some ways! And I still have days where the fear rises again. But, I am absolutely trying to enjoy what I can of this. I have got a journal (it has been more filled with angst and documenting my latest worries than the delightful joys of pregnancy tbh!). But just let yourself feel what you want to feel. There is still lots of time to bond with bump and to make the most of where you are 😊💕

Yes of course you have time :D I'm 35+1 now after three losses and the anxiety only really started lifting post 20 weeks. I've only just packed my hospital bag and sorted other baby bits. Still all feels massively surreal.

Could you make a list of nice baby related activities you'd like to do before the little one arrives? E.g. have a pregnancy massage, go to a spa, take some nice photos :)

You don’t have to actively enjoy it! It’s not like the movies where the couple lay around stroking the bump and playing it music. Most people have lots of other things to do!

I know how you feel, I had many miscarriages before my successful pregnancy. I didn’t tell anyone until after the 20w scan. I don’t look back and regret it, I have a wonderful healthy baby!

I think sometimes there is too much idolisation with pregnancy, birth, etc. so much pressure on people to have the perfect pregnancy and birth. It’s just 9m of your life, many people go through it, not every second of your life has to be a rose tinted instagram dream. Bad pregnancy? It will end eventually. C-section when you wanted a water birth? You get your baby delivered safely. Difficulties breastfeeding? Formula will give your baby optimum nutrition and they will be fed.

Just remember you’re bringing a person into this world and the main objective is to feed, nourish and love your child and hopefully rear them to be a well functioning adult. Pregnancy and the early years are such a small part of it, I wish I didn’t spend so much time fretting about being anxious in my pregnancy, and feeding and just embraced the fact it wasn’t going to be all roses and get on with it!

My favourite part of pregnancy has been between 20 - 26 weeks.
After the bad sickness and anxiety. Before the incessant heartburn and aches start.
Saying that, I've not done anything nice to commemorate (am coming up 28 weeks). I might start that now.

I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy from 4-20 weeks because I had a previous loss (mmc) and then I was anxious until that second scan. Ironically after 20 weeks I had placenta previa so I was told to watch out for bleeding etc. I still relaxed a bit though and had some hope.

I started taking bump photos every 1-2 weeks. I also bought a bump to birthday journal which I updated a bit.

From 31-35weeks I had lots of hospital visits/stays and then had ds at 35 weeks. So I skipped all the late trimester waiting too. So I had 15 weeks of hope in the pregnancy. Even at 35 weeks with preeclampsia and emergency csection I was still hopeful and luckily it all turned out well for us. Ds is now 1 and happy and healthy.

You have time. Record what you want.

I’m in the early stages of a new pregnancy following three losses and I’ve just started reading Pregnancy After Loss by Zoë Clark-Coates. For me it’s really helped reduce some of the fear and anxiety, and helped me give myself permission to get excited. There’s so pressure on the whole thing for any woman, but it’s next level if you’ve had losses. To answer your question, I don’t think you’re too late. I hope you find some small rituals and special ways of celebrating your pregnancy that feel right for you.

Yes, I think there is still time to try and get some enjoyment, or at least document it with photos and videos. I suffered terrible anxiety with both of mine due to previous losses and it did make me sad I couldn't enjoy things, but when they arrived safely, I was able to fully enjoy them and then it mattered less that I hadn't enjoyed the actual pregnancy bit. I am glad I took photos of my growing bump and videos of my stomach moving. I enjoy looking at them now that I know that the end result was a live baby, so I'm gaining some enjoyment retrospectively.

I think there is a pressure from social media that we enjoy pregnancy when actually it can be a really anxious, stressful time. We had a very long road to get here and at 29 weeks I'm now beginning to relax a little but I still won't be posting bump pictures on Facebook. I have taken a weekly photo since about 16 weeks and kept it on my phone but that's more so I can reassure myself that I'm getting bigger so baby must be growing in there!
I had close friends and family earlier on tell me to relax and enjoy pregnancy and I do regret being so negative and anxious but you can't help how you feel at the time. Do what you need to do to get through, absolutely nothing wrong with social media posts at all but only if they have a positive impact on you.