43 and pregnant

[tezzanne]

I am 43, have a 23, 10 and 7 year old and recently found out I am pregnant. Completely unexpected and in shock. We have finally reached a point in our lives where life has become easier. My 23 year old is pregnant herself and our boys having a tight bond. My career has also recently taken off and i love my job. We are now in a place where we feel we can give our boys a good life, holidays etc and the thought of going back to the baby phase is absolutely terrifying and not particularly appealing. I had postnatal depression with our last and I look back at that time with a black cloud. I'm not sure how I would cope with sleepless nights and the isolation that comes with being a new mum. Despite saying all of that I am an emotional wreck at the prospect of abortion and fearful of making the wrong decision. I've been going around and around in circles, torturing myself. My husband also isn't on board. He finds the newborn phase challenging and doesn't wish to go back there. He's very practical and is focusing on every reason not to have the baby. However I can't help but shake off the feeling of how much joy a new baby would bring and I know the boys would dote on him/her. Sorry for the long post. I'm sure you can sense my dilemma and hoping to hear some similar shared experiences. Thanks

This sounds like an awful position to be in in terms of the turmoil it must be causing you. Having an abortion will weight differently on you to your husband or anyone else who might weigh in so take it all with a pinch of salt but it feels a very much dammed if you do dammed if you don’t situation x

No one can advise you. Very difficult situation. I know Mumsnetters have babies later on. I had my last at 41, second marriage,he didn't have any kids,so a bit different as she was planned, I was told there was a 1 in 20 chance of Downs, so I didn't announce it till after 20 weeks.. make a list, negatives,I see you already have some,any positives. I know it's not a popular discussion on Mumsnet,who believe it's your body,do what YOU want,if it was me, I would be involving DH and his opinions. Ironically my oldest DD had a baby the year after me at 21. Good luck.

I realise this was a couple of months ago now and you have more than likely made your choice but I’m in a very similar position to you and struggling with the same dilemma. Am 42, have a 10 year old and in complete shock as was told my partner couldn’t have any more. If it’s not too sensitive to ask I was wondering what decision you made. I feel the turmoil. hope you’re well either way.