Baby born at 34weeks + 5. Need support

[MumOfHals]

Positive stories from NICU mummies & premmy babies. ( well and truly needed )

My little boy was born yesterday at 34+1.. he was born at 5lb 2oz.

He needs a little additional support with his breathing so he’s in an incubator in NICU. We’ve had cuddles and he’s making so many cute gurgle noises already.

My hormones have started to kick in from birth and I can’t stop crying, it’s awful seeing him hooked up to those machines, the noises- the hardest part is,

I can’t stay with him at night, so I’m downstairs in a bay, on my own with other mum’s and babies who are full term. It’s brutal hearing the babies feed at night and the cries, when mine is a floor away and I don’t have my partner with me.

Im worried on what’s going to happen to him, does anyone have any positive NICU / premature baby stories, I could do with a little positives xx

Oh darling, it's so frigging hard isn't it.

Mine was 35 weeks exactly, 5lb 6oz. I've just gone and checked on him, fast asleep. He's 8, blonde, cheeky, perfect.

My nephew's were all early too. The eldest wasn't so small tho, think he was 7lb ish and is now in the Army. All 6ft of him. Younger nephew is 6, he had a few days in SUCBU. Baby nephew is 1 and he needed similar. Then my 36 weeker twins came out nearly 7 lb and needed nothing.

That's you've had hugs is great - have you picked a name yet?

Are you trying to express? I found it so hard this early, it took days so if you can't yet, or at all, it's ok.

NICU is amazing and officially nurses by angels in my honest opinion. There isn't anyone who could look after your baby better than you other than a NICU nurse. I've seen how hard they work, how ON they are, what they can do.ot sounds like your baby just needs a little help adjusting to being outside and trust me, they're the ones who can do that.

Try and sleep. I know it's hard. They have their babies and you can't hold yours and it isn't fair. It just isn't. It's ok to be angry and sad. I hated those other Moms. I wondered why every baby I could hear cry was crying and not being comforted. I wondered why me, why us. If there's any single side rooms, ask if you can be moved if that will help, although that might be lonlier.

Gosh that's an essay.

Make sure you have breakfast before you go anywhere. Make sure you leave and have lunch and dinner. Drink enough. You have to try and look after yourself too, because he needs you to be as physically well as you can.

Cry as much as you need to. Stroke his hand and tell him the world he has before him. I think we lived in a kind of near hysteria for those first few days, I'm not sure what the nurses thought, but they've seen it all, they're your best ally and support.

Do you have other kids at home? Will DP be back up tomorrow? Talk to each other, be each others support and comfort. Tell him what you need from him and listen to him too in return, you'll feel less lonely to hear how much he loves the baby too x

Wow, I really appreciate this.

You're amazing and thank you thank you 🤍

I just want him to be at home with us where he belongs, I know he has a journey to get there... but I just want to know there is a happy end and he will get there.

They don't seem concerned with him, but I'm constantly thinking the worst.

We've named him Henry!

I'm trying to hand express colostrum as he has a feeding tube currently giving him fluids and glucose etc; I've got half a syringe so feeling proud of that!!! 🤍

The nights are dark, long and lonely xx

Yes we have 4 year old at home, she's desperate to meet him and doesn't fully understand. My DP will be over tomorrow as soon as grandparents duties are started for our little girl!

The nurses on postnatal must think I'm insane, I can't stop crying!

Oh that's a lovely name.

Don't worry about what people think. The nurses have seen it all, and the women who don't get it, they're just lucky. It must be much harder with a child at home too because you're forces are divided, but it will be so worth it once she gets that cuddle. There's four years between my boys and when he came in to visit l, I have a photo of him with the twin babies and he looked for confused 🤣🤣 I swear he still can't tell them apart.

The feeding tube feels like a huge thing but it's just until Henry's suck reflex comes in and you've done AMAZING to get a tube of colostrum for him!

The nights are long. I had a C Sec so was restricted but I remember walking to the NICU at about 2 am a couple of days in and walking into this lovely calm room where they were drinking coffee and having a natter. It took me a minute to realise this was a good thing, because it meant all the babies were behaving and mine didn't do that very much 🤣.

It's great they're not worried, sometimes they do just need a feed and a warm. Is he on oxygen?

My DS I good friends with a boy who spent several weeks in NICU they just started high school. He was discharged from the paediatric service at about age 5 because the doctor said he was meeting all the milestones.
DD is friends with twin who spent an extraordinary amount. Of time in NICU then SPecial care with lots of admissions in the 2 years after birth. They are both delightful. Slightly more likely to catch bugs and do some extra physio type things. If you met them you wouldn't know. It's just I know the mum.
DD spent 12 hours in NICU it was scary and worrying. Please get as much help as you can. Ask for a social worker/patient support for you. If you feel comfortable ask friends and family for healthy food for you. It is so easy to not care for yourself.

Ask if you can pop a small piece of cloth in his bed. Then when you see him take the cloth. Smelling it while expressing can help with you oxytocin levels to make the milk come faster. If you keep a cloth in your chest/top of bra then you can pop that into his bed so he can smell you when you have to be away. In Australia they are called wombat packs but think there is probably a different name.

Hoping your boy keeps gain strength and he gets to come home soon.

Hi OP. My little girl was born at 29+5. She’s now a 6 yr old feisty little cheeky pants. I remember her time in NICU like it was yesterday. It was really hard, but we got through it. One of the hardest things was leaving her at night. Also feeling like she was the hospital’s baby and that I had to consult the nurses before doing anything with my own child. Getting her home was incredible. I’m sure that will happen for you in a couple of weeks when he’s got his strength up. Xx

Congratulations! No wonder you’re feeling overwhelmed and upset. It’s completely natural.

My baby was born at 32 weeks, weighing 2lbs 5oz. We spent 5 weeks in hospital before we were allowed home - weight was up to 3lbs 5oz by then. In hospital I burst into tears at the slightest thing. I felt like a bit of a spare part and I couldn’t get any sleep. I also worried about what everyone else thought of me. I put pressure on myself to express milk every 3 hours round the clock. With hindsight this made my emotions and lack of sleep worse. I wish I’d scrapped the expressing and went home to my own bed for a decent night’s sleep, but I felt like I had to do the ‘right’ thing. I now know the right thing would have been to put my sanity first.

If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to look after yourself. Think of the incubator as a womb of sorts, giving him everything he needs. Until he’s ready to come out, use this time to take care of you. Get as much rest as you can, eat well, drink plenty of water. Hug anyone you can!

You’ll both be home soon with your husband and daughter. Congratulations again!

My 33 weeker was 3lb 4oz and is now a 15 year old. She's the strongest & feistiest person I know.

I remember that time so well and the beeping machines... First it was NICU, then high dependency and then the last room where we just needed her to put on weight.

It's not forever but I bet it feels like it now. Your baby is in the safest place with fantastic people to look after him.

He's a good weight for a preemie too.

Sending love

I echo every piece of advice on this. I had ds at 34wk and it was a really tough time. The blood tests from his little foot and the mask over his eves was really hard to see
It is so tough seeing them tiny and without you. It's not how it's supposed to be but it's what baby needs to so you get yourself as strong as possible to look after your little Henry when he needs you 💙 congratulations xxx

My elder son was born at 32 weeks, he was really tiny and very poorly in neonatal intensive care. He was late hitting some developmental milestones but became a super happy and very bright little boy. He went on to gain the best ever grades at A level at his academically selective school and was always at the top of his year group at his Russel Group university. He’s 34 now and a GP with a lovely wife and sons of 4 & 1.
I had to leave hospital without him which was tough and breastfeeding didn’t work for me but I think there will be much more support for you in that respect. You’ll soon have your baby home, look after yourself.

My son was born at 32+1. Ten days in ICU on a ventilator, a couple of days on HDU then just special care for 4 weeks while strengthening up and learning to feed.
The staff were amazing. It was just after a covid lockdown so DH and I weren't allowed on the neonatal unit together and he could only visit me for an hour a day.
Postnatally I was in a bay with other mums who's babies were on the neonatal unit so didn't have to listen to other babies which was a big relief. Prioritise getting a proper sleep each night. It made the world of difference in being ready for DS to come home.

Im currently 32wks pregnant with DD and due to complications she is likely to be delivered at 33/34 wks and also be in special care for a bit. I don't feel half as worried about it this time because I know how good that team are

Congratulations OP on the birth of your son 💙

My daughter was born at 33+6 and weighed 3lb 8oz. She’s now 7 and the most fun and energetic girl.

The early weeks at nicu are so stressful, I cried a lot. Being pregnant one moment then you feel so empty the next. Wanting to experience your newborn in your arms but knowing you can’t have them with you all the time is hard. But the nurses are absolutely incredible. They looked after my girl so amazingly.

As echoed by others do look after yourself. I remember feeling as if I’d have to wait forever to have our girl home with us. She eventually came home at 38+5 gestation.

Sending lots of love during your nicu journey ❤

Does your postnatal ward have side rooms? If so please ask to be moved. Both times mine were in nicu this happened as it was agony being in a bay with newborns and mine elsewhere.

Make sure you eat and drink regularly. This will not only assist with milk production but will make you feel. The same goes for pain relief. It's important to look after yourself.

Fingers crossed your baby is with you soon.

Congratulations on the birth of your DS.
My DS was born at 31+5 and was very poorly, fully ventilated, long lines, blood transfusions, the lot! He was in NICU for 2 weeks then a further 3 in SCBU. He was home 4 weeks before his actual due date.
He's now 22, 6 foot, hale and hearty. He has just achieved a first from Oxford and is about to break my heart by moving out permanently into his own flat.
The first few days are completely overwhelming, try and get plenty of rest, lots of skin to skin contact if you can. People told me I would struggle to bond with DS because I could not hold him for 7 days but honestly that was rubbish and we are still very close. Good luck.

My DD was in nicu for four days. I'm type 1 diabetic and she had no glucose readings when born and had a feeding tube and intravenous drip. It was very hard but even after that time I still managed to breastfeed her - I had minimal success expressing - and she's now 18 and off to uni this year.
Your baby is a good weight and will hopefully soon be able to go home.

Hope you got some sleep finally op and Henry had a good night x

My baby boy was born at 34 weeks, and was taken straight to the NICU. He was soon feeding well, and apart from jaundice he had no problems at all. He was still breastfeeding 18 months later. He's 34 now, a Clinical Psychologist, and experienced NICU with his own (37 week) son three years ago, he is also absolutely fine after a bumpy start.

I know it's hard being away from your baby when you're surrounded by others. In my experience, the NICU doors are always open to the parents, even at 3am, so if you're missing baby go and see him! When I couldn't cuddle my baby boy, I borrowed other babies on the ward, other mums understood. Please be kind to yourself, nobody is judging you, crying is perfectly normal even when baby is with you. You'll both be at home before you know it.

My DD was born at 34+5 days.

She was in NICU for 11 days. Just a few hours support with breathing and then on an NG tube for feeding for 10 days. She had a bit of jaundice for a few days but light treatment sorted that out.

I was ill and didn't even meet her for 3 days and I was in hospital in a different ward for 10 days myself.

I was able to start breastfeeding at day 7. On day 10 the NG tube came out and I was able to stay all day with her and then room in with her overnight to make sure the breastfeeding went well. We were discharged in the morning.

Developmentally we have had absolutely no issues whatsover and she is now a confident, athletic, bright, friendly and all round amazing 11 year old.

Congratulations on your new baby!

DTs were 31+3, one needed to be intubated and helped with breathing, the other was born fighting. We were in NICU, then SCBU for 6.5 weeks in total. They're 13 now and going on 16 and no problems at all.

A neighbour’s baby weighed only 1lb 4oz when he was born prematurely. He’s 37 now and a teacher x

Firstly congratulations. It’s so hard and such a shock. It will be ok though and he will be home soon (even if it doesn’t feel like that now).

I would echo the above poster. Look
after yourself. Do what need to do to look after yourself- you’ve given birth which is difficult in itself, but having a premature baby on NICU significantly adds to that.

Like the above poster I felt like a spare part and a bit in the way when I was on NICU, and worried what everyone would think of me. If you need to take a break from there/leave the hospital for a bit, that’s fine. I found taking a bit of a break helped reduce some of the intensity of the situation and you shouldn’t feel guilty if that’s what you need to do.

Everyone copes slightly differently with this and if you don’t feel you can/want to have a bit of a break that’s also fine, but don’t feel guilty if you do.

I posted this thread when I realised I was about to have a 34 weeker. We had 12 days in hospital but he’s fine. He’s now 6, doing fine at school and in general and I can almost guarantee you’d never guess that he was born prematurely.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/3121297-Premature-labour-a-handhold-please

I was born in the sixties, at 33 weeks (just under 34 ), 3lb 11oz. I was in an incubator for six weeks, in a different hospital from my Mum . I didn’t have any issues, other than reacting badly to formula . I wasn’t breast fed at all, due to being in another hospital. My Mum was too ill to move and the hospital where I was born was small and didn’t have incubators .
Congratulations on your baby OP, I know my parents were scared by how small I was, but I was fine.

Hi, NICU nurse here. Just home from night shift looking after 24/40, 680g baby.

At 34 weeks your baby will need a little support but will be just fine, and be home with you in a few weeks I would imagine. Know that this isn't your fault, keep being there, expressing if you can, have lots of skin to skin, read stories to your baby, comfort hold them. The next step once off breathing support will be establishing feeds. At 34 weeks your baby is almost ready to take oral feeds, but might be a little slow at first, as it's hard work! Have lots of skin to skin and establish oral feeding, which may take a couple of weeks.

Then you will be home before you know it, and all this will feel like a very distant memory. Stay positive. Hormones will be all over the place for the first week, give yourself a break, keep eating/drinking/resting. And good luck, fingers crossed you're home together soon x