Unsupportive Partner

[Jadelr]

Was anybody else's partner just unsupportive throughout their pregnancy?

My boyfriend just doesn't even acknowledge how I feel despite me telling him numerous times. From around week 6 I've been extremely exhausted and I still am now at 14 weeks I've been feeling light headed and dizzy etc and yet I still do everything round the house and everything else like cook all our meals etc.

I'm just feeling abit fed up because I don't feel myself as it is with having no energy and he just doesn't support me at all. He just thinks im using being pregnant as an excuse but im not. I genuinely feel so run down and he just doesnt seem to care.

sorry for the rant!

why do you do everything around the house and cook all the meals? Pregnant or not.

Sorry massive red flag, been there and done that 😔

He works and I don't at the minute so I feel it's only fair but even when he is off work he still expects the same I wouldn't usually mind when I'm feeling well but I feel so unwell it's just getting me down I guess

He's usually so supportive it's so out of character for him he wasn't like this before I was pregnant I don't understand 😫

Sounds like a shitty man. Are you dependent on him for housing and money? That's really bad without the legal protections of marriage.
Is there anywhere else you can live?

At the minute I am as i left my job a month ago due to it affecting my mental health so it's not ideal at the moment. It is out of character for him but I can't seem to pin point why he's changed because this pregnancy is very much wanted and planned

It's incredibly common for shit men to start abuse/misogyny/shit behaviour once they impregnate a woman.

Focus on yourself, secure housing, your future. This man is not there for you when you're vulnerable.
So you won't get any maternity pay? Whose house is it?

(sorry, just saw that you are dependent on the boyfriend for housing and money.)

It's a rented house we both rent it. It's the first time I've ever had to rely on him financially and I don't know wether that's maybe made him abit bitter because I'm a very independent person and have always made more than enough to be comfortable on my own. I don't know what's triggered this for him

Also to add I am seeking new employment so hoping to be back in employment In the next month or so

Have you had a conversation with him about how your feeling and laid out ecavtly what is bothering you? Have you asked him how he is feeling about everything? Financially I'm sure it is quite a stressful time fpr ypu both given you are not working at the minite and have baby on the way.

If this is out of character for him, could he be feeling stressed or worried? Have you communicated what it is you that need from him?

I think rather than jumping on the band wagon that you need to leave him and secure other options is a tad dramatic as per some other posters have suggested.

If youve only been out of work for one month and are dependent on him, does that mean you quit your job with no savings? And planned a baby with no savings?

how long have you been together? And How long have you been living together?

Generally my dh has been great, but he did go through a few days when I was signed off work of just being really grumpy, and he got really snappy with me for not unloading the dishwasher when his mother was coming round despite me being so exhausted that I couldn’t even keep my eyes open. Later that afternoon I was really sick, and he was outside the bathroom door when I came out. We sat down and chatted it through, and he apologised because hearing me throw up reminded him how ill I was. He shared that he was really worried about money, he’d been doing calculations about how much we’ll have when I’m on mat leave (I’m the higher earner) and how much we need to spend to get the house ready for the baby.

I agree with @Twinklydreamer22 that you need to have a proper conversation - it is so hard for men to understand how this feels so we have to do what we can to spell it out, and be willing to listen to their worries and concerns too.

I don't know what's triggered this for him
pregnancy and unemployment coupled with a sense of entitlement.

you now know he will also expect you to do all the housework and cooking when you have a baby. Because you're at home.

what sort of work do you do? Job hunting while pregnant is difficult and will affect maternity pay. Poor decision to quit a job you had while pregnant, unmarried and renting.

I've seen an animated photo online how men turn into infants as their spouses pregnancy progresses and childbirth.
Make sure you don't let him slip into that stage of needing "mothering" - stop cooking / cleaning before he becomes like a child himself. It's just so common 😵‍💫

Sorry but it’s fairly common for men to be all charm when your Miss fun and in a position where could easily walk away. As soon as you stop being able to serve that purpose for them and they don’t feel the need to impress you to keep you is when then real test of love comes in. It really isn’t unusual, a significant amount of domestic abuse first starts in pregnancy. I’ve seen this so many times before and it doesn’t bode well

Someone who thinks the worst of you the moment your ill isn’t someone would recommend staying with, all you end up doing is wasting years making excuses for their general lack of compassion and rubbish behaviour towards . I would say most things people on here complain about there DH is silly and genuinely down to a him just not understanding, e.g housework, clubs, wanting to go on holiday with friends, childcare etc and can be solved with communication and compromise (I’ve now been happily married for many years) but lack of caring and compassion towards you when your ill or pregnant is never a good sign

You will end up being a lone parent.
Have you family who will support you?

Was you quitting discussed?
That's a very big amount of financial pressure on one person? Is he also stressed?
Does he earn well?

Get your ducks in a row. He's going to be fucking useless

So you're ill AND pregnant? He should be doing all the housework and cooking, end of.

If he won't protect you now, he never will. When the baby is born, you will be nothing but a maid

So sorry you’re being treated like this OP!

Honestly I’m now 9 months pregnant and I don’t know how I would have managed without the support my husband has given me. I can’t thank him enough and he always says it’s the least he can do to take care of me while I am literally growing our child, I can’t imagine how any man could think differently!

I agree with other posters I think at the least you need a serious chat but you also need to think practically about the future, if you are already dependent on him please try to find a way to get some independence back.

Are you still with your awful, awful husband? 💔