Have you lost friends when announcing your pregnancy? Why are people so weird? 😵

[BostonMA]

As the title asks? But also a little rant…..
I have a friend who has always been a bit extreme in her views ie you’re either amazing or terrible which I started to think was not a friendship dynamic I particularly needed. I always said I didn’t want kids and was unsure but life changes and I fell pregnant and my husband and I realised we wanted kids. Sad
we had a miscarriage. Said friend made it clear she was pissed off I got pregnant and made some crappy remarks. She didn’t care when I had a mc or that she was hurtful. I’m quite passive so choose to ignore the horrible comments and lack of communication.
Anyway I announce I’m pregnant again and that’s it. No acknowledgement in our group chat and some horrible private messages to me.
Basically she is calling me a liar because I changed my mind. 🫣😩
She says she ignored me and sent hurtful messages because SHE doesn’t know how to act because I told her four years ago I didn’t want kids and I’ve gone against this. She says she’s right in her reaction and behaviour. I don’t think this is ok?
For context she doesn’t want kids ever so it’s not anything like jealousy.
has anyone else had such an odd response?
ive got two friends one who lost her best friend when she announced she was pregnant and another friend who was excluded from her friendship group because she has fertility issues and her pregnant friend preferred to ignore her rather than share the news!!

Sorry to hear this OP. I had a very long standing friend who was like this too, had been friends since we were kids. I just couldn’t take it anymore and decided enough was enough. I was meant to be a bridesmaid at her wedding and just told her straight that I didn’t want to be anymore and that was the end of that. My life is so much nicer and less anxiety inducing without her ‘friendship’.

Also I found it just got worse after I had my DS. I held onto that friendship for 2 years after he was born and then called it a day. Sadly as you get old you grow out of people and that’s ok, it’s a shame but it’s also just life.

I agree totally with @Jellybelly888
too,

Sometimes you can just grow out of a relationship for various reasons

in your particular case sounds like @BostonMA
Your pregnancy has highlighted the general co dependency type of friendship and extreme clingness neediness and tendency to be self centred selfish on your so called friends part,
she has the emotional intelligence of spolt needy brat child,
Friendships naturally wax and wane just like most or all relationships can do,

at least distance and ditch this friendship as it will probably will not change,
could even if get a bit 🤔 worse,

as your happiness highlights unresolved inadequacies possible or probably in her life,
So she deflects and projects on to you,

as she rightly realises your will not be quite as intense and needy as she prefers and likes it to be..

@BostonMA

Sorry i ment to say,

She prefers the friendship you have with her to be an intense and neediness co dependency type of friendship .

Thanks for your insight and replies and I’m glad it’s not just me!

@Jellybelly888 that’s so awful to hear! Yep the anxiety inducing feeling from her not just since the pregnancy but other things she would make me feel bad about.
I think it was a control thing and because I never want to rock the boat it sounds like some people take advantage of this. I’m glad you ended it on your terms.

@cerisepanther73 absolutely highlights the toxic co dependency. And she wants to control everyone.
im probably over thinking it but there are elements of a maybe a type of personality disorder because she is so rigid, you are put in a rigid box and to deviate will trigger her wrath. plus she remembers everything and will use it against you! Also she thinks it’s her job to be brutal and openly judge you no matter who’s hurtful it is!
she is 34! It’s mind boggling.

i feel this whole time she’s taken my kindness as weakness

I think sometimes people that don't have kids themselves feel an ally ship with others in the same situation and if you unexpectedly change "side" that can be hard for them to deal with. It's obviously not fair or reasonable/it's for them to manage but I am quite early pregnant myself, know that will be a big surprise to some friends, and am anticipating some weird reactions potentially because I'm a bit older (late 30s) and people have mentally put me in the "no kids" box. Like I say tho it's not fair to put that on you!

Yes, totally agree! I am 40 so in the same position.
i have lots of friends who have chosen not to have kids and they are all so happy for me. I suppose the difference is that these friends are not judgemental or co dependent.
if my friend had always said she didn’t want kids but then changed her mind I’d never hold it against her.
I agree I think she feels abandoned by me her anchor, a job I didn’t realise I had.