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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

why do men htink they are the experts on pregnancy????

20 replies

mum2bean · 28/03/2008 16:23

my fiance is driving me nuts.
he thinks that he knows exactly how i'm feeling and what i should be doing. i know he's trying to help but when i show him the books and tell him what my midwife tells me, "they don't know you, and they are talking shite."
so far, apparantly, i should be feeling on top of the world, with beautiful glowing skin, smiling all the time, doing housework IS exercise, as is sex and i should be happy to be woth him at this stage of my life an dbe gratefull he is the father of our child and that he is there, although he knows EXACTLY what i'm feeling and it's just as hard for him.
he says all of this whilst i'm cooking him dinner, cleaning and ironing his bloody work shirt. although, the other day after i had blood taken, he thought i was a war hero and i got treated to a takeaway (of his choice!)
i know it's just as hard for him, but i dont feel great all the time as he assumes i do and talking to him is like trying to tell a dinosaur thats it is extinct. not happening, anyone else had this and do they change?

OP posts:

hannahjb · 28/03/2008 16:27

because men think they are experts on everything!!!!!!! my husband has now learnt (as we are on pregnancy number 2), to agree with me on everything, nod his head sympathetically, and keep telling me on regular occasions how beautiful I am and not a 36 week pregnant weeble!!!!!!!

tigana · 28/03/2008 16:29

Okay, breathe.
How pregnant are you?

Maybe he is worried and doesn't want to face the fact that you might be feeling like crap (some men feel guilty, after all they got you pregnant in the first place!).

DH didn't really have a clue about pregnancy.

HappyNewMum2Be · 28/03/2008 16:46

Has he been pregnant himself? No? What a surprise. Is he a qualified obstetrician, midwife, or GP? Probably not! Which means he has absolutely no right to tell you how to feel about any of it.

He is probably worrying about all the attention diverting away from him - big kid!

No, it is not as hard for him, you need to be firm and remind him that you are the pregnant one. And if housework is such good exercise, tell him you have canceled his gym membership and look forward to seeing the house soooo clean and tidy

finallypregnant · 28/03/2008 19:32

Don't get me started! My husband thinks he's done it all and knows it all because his sister had a girl 25 years ago (big age difference between them). Drives me nuts.

lou222 · 28/03/2008 19:38

they really do believe they know everything
my boyfriend thinks we have to carpet the whole house before the baby comes ( i have lovely wooden floors!) and get carpet tiles so we can just throw each tile away when baby is sick on it
would prefer to throw boyfriend away i think!

FAWKEOFF · 28/03/2008 19:46

My DP decided i wasnt even in labour so took a slow drive to the hospital and stopped at the garage for a bag of goodies for himself all the while i am having contractions every 2 minutes.
when we finally got to the delivery suite he told the midwife i was having "braxton thingies" while he was twiddling with the television, she decided that he was obviously profeesional enough to belive so she pissed and made him coffee and toast...then waited a further 40 minutes to examine me....i was 8 and half cms!!!! dp suddenly gave a shit and the midwife got her arse in gear and gave me the bloody gas and air.....bloody charming

FAWKEOFF · 28/03/2008 19:48

tell him to back the fuck off....you are the one that has to push a person out of your body and HE is the one that should be grateful that you are carrying his child.

StarlightMcKenzie · 28/03/2008 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KristinaM · 28/03/2008 19:54

no uterus, no opinion

lou222 · 28/03/2008 19:58

yes starlight there is no happy medium
friends hubby sounds like yours - would drive me up the wall!
luckily my bfriend doesnt live with me and will never live with me so i can make all the decisions!
he reckons he's going to move in for a bit when baby is born as i WILL NOT!! cope on my own - he says!! aargh!

pelafina · 28/03/2008 19:59

Message withdrawn

whomovedmychocolate · 28/03/2008 20:03

LOL - DH stopped doing that when I asked him if he's like me to insert something the size of the 4 pinter of milk I was holding up his arse, keep it there for another four months while it got bigger and then get him to shit it out while various doctors said 'oh come on now, it doesn't hurt that much does it?!'

Now he's bloody marvellous second time around. I say I'm tired, he puts me to bed and takes our toddler out to the supermarket to find things I might like while I have a nap. And cups of tea just keep appearing whenever I sigh.

I think the best way to deal with it though is to say precisely what will help and ignore anything else.

'Ooh I really need more fluids, go put the kettle on'
'It's SO hard to reach the loo to clean it these days, can you do it?'

disneystar · 28/03/2008 21:58

whomovedmychocolate........now that made me laugh

Miggsie · 28/03/2008 22:02

...oh get him one of those special pregnancy suits they make for men with the boobs and belly so they understand what it is like to have a sack of potatoes strapped round your middle for months OR tie a rugby ball in his groin so he pees himself every 15 mins and then see how expert he is!

And to prpeare him for fatherhood, shout "WWWAAAHHH" in his ear at 3am every morning for weeks, kick him in the ribs and wipe surgical spririt over his nipples.

Can anyone think of a way to simulate piles?

THEN he will understand.

Excitable · 29/03/2008 19:57

I know who has the short straw and it is not you! Get yourself a burger for tea and tell him to make his own dinner and do not iron his shirts. And make him read this thread when we've thought of a few more choice things to say about him.

Hard for him too, mutter, mutter...

micegg · 29/03/2008 20:43

I am glad I am not the only one. I am hiding from DH by going on the computer. He has suddenly developed a number of illnesses in an attempt to get as much attention and sympathy as possible. I am due in 6 days and he actually had the audacity to tell me he hopes I dont go into labour soon because he feels so ill! Twat. . I ignore him. Having said that though what choice do I have seeing as I am 39 weeks, have another human wedged in my pelvis, a stomach to rival the average darts player, a 2 year old to run after and all the housework to do whilst his Lordship sits on the sofa? I clearly have no time to look after him do I?

expatinscotland · 29/03/2008 20:49

It never ceases to amaze me how many women put up with men who act like children.

I can't understand it for the life of me.

Isn't life hard enough when you have a child without a man who acts like one?

My DH didn't have a clue about pregnancy. He left school with no qualifications, is barely literate and 6.5 years younger than me.

But he wouldn't have dreamed about spouting off like this to me.

In fact, right now, he just put down his PS2 game and jumped in the car to go get me some Irn Bru and crackers as I'm feeling very ill - am pregnant with our 3rd.

I don't treat him like dirt, so I don't expect such treatment in return.

It's not just as hard for him.

Bullshit.

He's not pregnant.

redbird · 30/03/2008 13:01

I am really quite shocked by your post. I know its hard but you have to try again with the talking and make it very clear that you need him to be sensitive, understanding and take on some of the burden of housework. Maybe you should not have sex with him, citing extreme exhaustion.Fight your corner a bit more. I know its hard. Sometimes men do respond if you make them feel like a big strong man, protecting weak and feeble woman. I hated even writing that but its worth a go.I think you should tell us all the good things about this man and why you want to marry him.

duvetheaven · 30/03/2008 13:31

Yes, men being the experts. I hadn't seen a friend for a year and was quite surprised when her husband said 'Hi how are you? By the way, all that eating for two stuff is rubbish ..you musn't eat for two!'.
I wasn't eating for one at the time nevermind two due to ms. Mildly perplexing but he obviously felt the need to pass that gem of wisdom onto me. Hmmmm

Original poster

mum2bean · 05/04/2008 16:34

think it was just a bad day full stop really. been feeling stressed out loads plus worried bout being a good mother 2 be. thanks !! maybe just needed a man bitch hour of so!!! either way we talked he listened ( threatened to chop away his manhood if he didn't listen, and as i was cooking and had a sharp knife, it swayed in my favour!) and now we're great again, it's like new love!
and he opened up about how nervous he was about being a father and if he was doing right by me and all that.bless him!
so we're good great now and he's helping out a bit more and is taking a bit of time off work so we can sort out everything.
thanks for the advice and sorry about the bitching!

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