Bottle Feeding - Anxious about being judged

[Nightowly]

I am currently 31 weeks with my first baby and I have decided to bottle feed rather than breast feed, although open to the fact I may change my mind but bottle feeding is currently my plan.

I have been told stories by friends that have also bottle fed, that midwives/nurses/doctors etc can be very pushy with breastfeeding in hospital once you’ve given birth. I am just interested if anyone has experienced this? I am really worried about after birth, being either forced or made to feel bad for not breastfeeding.

Ive cried a lot about making this decision but the thought of breastfeeding has been making me SO anxious (I have a long history anxiety and pregnancy has been a massive trigger for it, I started Sertraline at around 22 weeks).

I feel so and about it, but I can’t stop worrying about it, more and more as I approach the end of the pregnancy :( just looking for advice/experiences I guess!

My experience was the other way round tbh with many midwives encouraging bottle feeding! My advice would be to prepare your partner to be a strong advocate for your choice so that when you're in those early post partum days feeling vulnerable and tired, he can back you up if faced with any forceful comments. Good luck and congratulations!

Nope i bottle fed my 2nd it was fine although the hospital is v pro BF

They continually ask but it is for information purposes NOT to shame you or because they care.
i took medication to prevent my milk coming in which the consultant prescribed with no issue

Mine are now adults but with my first, I found the nurses President in trying to make me bottle feed when I breastfed.

Breastfeeding gave me great joy so don't rule it out.

Think of the freedom you have when breastfeeding, you can go here there and everywhere with baby and not have to worry that you have enough bottles and powdered milk and all the extra work of cleaning and sterilising them etc.

It's up to you of course but whatever they try and push you to do in hospital you don't have to do it.

Oh and get a nuby rapid cooli its amazing!

Given that the BF rates in the UK are so low, I doubt you'll be judged. You just need to find out what will and won't be provided in the hospital in advance.

It was the total opposite for me. Had my first baby in 2018 and wanted to breastfeed but was told by midwives I 'must try to formula feed'. He wouldn't take the formula but we had a stressful spell of repeatedly getting him to try it even though it wasn't what I wanted.

Then the endless 'when are you giving up? Are you STILL breastfeeding?' type comments. And the implication that breastfeeding makes your baby a 'bad sleeper'.

A health visitor told me I must never breastfeed otherwise the baby 'will never bond with his dad' (yes exact words!).

I've had 2 babies now and only ever breastfed them and never bottle fed just because that was my personal preference. But I definitely felt like I was going against the grain in society! In the uk almost everyone bottle feeds so you'll just be doing what almost everyone else does good luck with it all, you'll do great.

You just do you. There is some pushy 'breast is best' stuff you will encounter but in the grand scheme of judgyness that you will encounter over your parenting journey, it will pale into insignificance. I tried to bf my first and he wouldn't feed and I absolutely hated the sensation. I decided that wanting to rip him off me and hurl him into a corner was not a good thing. Bottle saved us and it really helped to bond with dad. Second time around, I just didn't want to. Both of mine are fine, strapping chaps and it did them no harm. Bfing is great for those who can and find it suits them. But it isn't the only way and women should really stop judging other women for what may be the right thing for them to do. Good luck with your lovely, squidgy baby.

I had a horrendous birth experience and there were lots of reasons DD wasn’t up to feeding.

I was woken in the night and told to breastfeed my (sleeping) baby. When I said no, the nurse told me that “if we don’t see you get her latched you won’t be allowed to go home”.

I told her to wake me up when she found any legislation that stopped me walking out with DD then and there.

As it happened DD never breast fed. Once my milk came in I expressed for her and gave it to her in bottles. People still
judged me for doing that.

you basically can’t win, so just do whatever works for you and your baby and screw everyone else.

Not my experience at all. Very matter of fact. I was asked, simply so they could put the right support in place / offer the right advice. The only “issue” I found is if you say you want to breastfeed but struggle they’re unlikely to encourage you to switch, it has to be your decision. But once you make the choice, they’ll support it.

Only about 50% of babies have any breast milk at all at their 6-8 week check (so ~50% are exclusively formula fed, and the other ~50% are either combi fed or exclusively breastfed) so it's really not unusual.

I breastfed both mine and had the opposite experience. Told by multiple midwives to “just give a bottle” and “not to feel guilty about it” even though I really wanted to make breastfeeding work. I found it really very stressful and felt quite unsupported.

The vast majority of mothers bottle feed in this country, so if you feel judged, perhaps it’s due some insecurity on your part. Do what feels right for you! Tbh I doubt anyone else cares that much 🤷🏻‍♀️

The UK is anti breastfeeding so you definitely won’t be judged.
Those who say they feel judged usually just feel internally triggered.

I breastfeed. Never without major problems but it’s what is important to me so we push through. I have never cared even slightly what someone else is doing but I’ve had to listen to lots of tales of woe about FF. That also causes anxiety for me when a room full of FF women are telling me why they can’t. It’s not my business & i don’t care.
You shouldn’t either.
Do what you are doing and enjoy your new baby.

Definitely formula feed if you want to. However, I def don't recognise what others are saying. I am in a group of 10 local mums from all walks of life and all of us breastfeed except one who exclusively pumps.

Do what works for you. Maybe give BF a shot to see how you feel? But if not no worries at all.

@arlequin statistically almost all of the UK formula feeds. Breastfeeding is more common in certain demographics. You are perhaps in this demographic. At 6 months
1% of babies are BF.
Lowest BF stats globally.

Wow, I'm amazed at the statistics on breastfeeding. I have a close-knit group of about 20 mums that all met through various playgroups in the area, plus I know so many other mums with younger and older children. Bottle feeding is very unusual here. I only know a handful of women who didn't breastfeed. I breastfed til mine was 2 years old which is pretty typical of the women I know too.

OP, it's all anecdotal but my personal experience is that they simply asked me in the hospital which I was wanting to do so that they knew what to do once baby was born- in my case straight to the boob for first feed. There was no judgment about it and plenty of support. After that, out in the community, I've never seen any negativity towards myself, other breastfeeding mums, or friends who bottle fed their babies. Most people are just overjoyed to see little babies, they don't take notice of how you're feeding them.

The hostility I encountered wasn’t from midwives or hospital staff, but from complete strangers in cafes, parks etc. I’m a confident person who’d planned to BF but been unable, and I found it unexpectedly upsetting. I’d gird your loins a bit, OP. I wasn’t expecting it, but then, it had never really occurred to me I wouldn’t be able to BF.

TBH you’ll be judge however you feed your baby. For the record I had to combi feed a bit at the beginning but then bf until 3. HCPs do push bottle feeding at the slightest hint of bf trouble.
I’ve had random folk comment when I’ve been bottle or breastfeeding and the shock of a toddler wanting a feed.
So just do what you want to do and try not to worry but it’ll all be fine.

These stats are a bit warped though, as I wouldn't count as I give the odd bottle of formula if I'm going out etc. Many of my friends are similar. But mainly breastfeed. But we wouldn't register in those stats.

@Opine at 6 months 1% exclusively breastfeeds so no formula or solids at all

@Opine in fact 34% still breastfeeding at 6 months

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/

And 43% in Scotland

Id say the likelihood is you won’t be judged, but you might feel judged. I combi fed, I felt judged when breastfeeding and judged when bottle feeding! You just hold yourself up high and keep making the decisions which are best for you and your baby, don’t let others worry you.

Might not sound helpful but who cares what anyone else thinks? Its your body and your baby if you don't want to breastfeed that's upto you, personally I'm in an area where most mums bottlefeed and there was no judgement for it at all (I bottlefed my older 2 daughters and breastfed my third), I actually got more comments for breastfeeding "oh are you STILL breastfeeding?!" And such comments as that, felt way more judged for that than using formula and midwives don't say anything either way in my experience I did have a health visitor with my oldest who was quite pushy with breastfeeding but that was 15 years ago and I was a young mum so felt talked down to a lot by her anyway but nothing like that since, just be firm in your decision if that's what you want to do

A midwife told me that whilst they’re not supposed to say so, they find it easier when you’re bottle feeding in hospital! I wouldn’t worry about being judged, I didn’t feel judged at all. And definitely ask about getting a prescription for Cabergoline to stop your milk coming in, it’s fantastic stuff.

My 4lb 11oz daughter lost a lot of weight at 10 days going down to only 4lbs 0.5oz and we were admitted to a&e and basically guilted into breast feeding more (the reason she was not gaining anything was cos i wasn't producing anything). When we told the midwife about it she said that's redic and bottle feeding is fine. within 5 days of switching to formula she had regained her birthweight and more. She thrived. Thankfully that was all the judgement i got.

At various mums groups etc at least half the mums were bottle feeding for all sorts of reasons. never had a single dirty look or difficulty bar in the hospital itself