I'm not really sure what the aim of this post is, I'm extremely hormonal and I've genuinely had the worse 6 weeks of my life and I'm just looking for someone to listen. Reading that back it sounds pathetic that at my age I have no one to talk to.
I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy. Myself and my baby's dad were in the most awful toxic relationship, after weeks of no contact I stupidly decided to meet up we had protected sex (contraception failed) and now are pregnant.
When I first found out I booked an early scan purely because of my age, anxiety and the fact I've had issues before. The private scan was the most awful experience was told in no uncertain terms I'm probably having a miscarriage but to go and enjoy my weekend and go to the hospital the following Monday at 4om. With my anxiety higher than the debt I'm in there was no way I was waiting all weekend not knowing if my little bean was OK or not so off we went for a 9 hour wait in And . Fast forward 48 agonising hours later, little bean was shown with their heart beat fluttering away. I think this was the point I realised how much I want this baby.
During this time my child's father was sat forcing out tears, whispering in my ear how everything was going to be OK and how much he loved me in front of the hospital staff, telling me how brave and incredible I was yet screaming abuse at me as soon as we left, calling me all the names under the sun, squaring up to me and telling me what a disgusting mess I was.
Today, we have been in a back and forth argument where he has spouted the most unforgivable racist stuff. I've started to bleed, not heavily but enough to cause concern. I told him and his response was 'it's your fault for causing arguments and if you lose the baby that will be on you'.
I'm currently not living in the same country as my family or friends, the friends that I did make here he completely isolated me from. The way he behaved in the hospital like he was some concerned father and I was a hysterical mess I don't think anyone would believe the absolute trauma he's putting me through. Plus, it's not like I wasn't aware of who he was before I got pregnant with him, he spat in my face and split my lip and still I went back! After all that I went back.
I feel so isolated and alone.