When do other countries/cultures tell friends and family about their pregnancy?

[GoldenDoor]

So I know in the U.K. standard advice is to not tell people until 12 weeks, after your first scan. So you don’t have to tell people you’ve miscarried etc. Which I’ve never understood, as the people I would tell would be the people I would want support from. Is it just due to our late first scan? That in the US a 6 week scan and doubling blood tests is a lot more common for early pregnancy care? My knowledge is mainly watching terrible reality shows, but they seem to tell family literally the day of positive pregnancy test? And the family then know about any chemicals or miscarriages.

what do other countries and cultures do and are we moving away from the waiting to 12 weeks?

I don't know but it's an interesting question.

Which I’ve never understood, as the people I would tell would be the people I would want support from

As for this - in the past in Britain people were expected to repress their emotions (even more than now). When people lost a baby they were told and expected to act like it hadn't happened and "forget". There was shaming and ostracism of anyone who didn't conform to this.

I'm not convinced that you would have had very much support for an early miscarriage or that anyone would expect to offer it to you.

Don’t know about other countries but in my experience as a 32 year old currently pregnant, everyone I know has shared earlier, myself included. And I’ve had a miscarriage as have many of my friends, it’s been nice to be able to support each other. I think the stigma and secrecy around miscarriages is reducing, plus quite a lot of women have private scans before 12 weeks. I don’t understand waiting to tell at 12 weeks - miscarriages risk drops throughout the first trimester, and it doesn’t go away after 12 weeks.

No idea but super interesting. But I think a lot of people seem to think people don't want to tell others early because some sort of stigma around miscarriage but for me that's absolutely not the case. If I had a first trimester miscarriage I'm not sure if I would want to tell anyone, Im lucky so far not to have experienced that. Perhaps I would tell some close friends and family, perhaps not, I'm unsure. Because I don't know how I'd feel, I don't want to be forced into having to tell people by disclosing the pregnancy. Of course I know loss can sadly occur at any time but it's infinitely more common in the first trimester after all.

Also, I'm fairly certain I would have a TFMR if screening results indicated a high likelihood of a medical condition in the fetus. And I'm not confident that this decision would be supported by everyone around me, there is a lot of stigma attached to that still. Therefore I wouldn't want to get into having to tell everyone that was what was happening, if it did. Again, I appreciate things can be picked up at the anomaly scan later and then could still result in a TFMR but again that's a lot less likely. Plus just physically I would have been visibly pregnant by that point anyway, at least with DC2 and now DC3.

@Rosesanddaisies1 how far along when you told people were you? We’ll be having an early scan.

I don’t think most people wait until past the 12 week mark anymore to tell close friends and family, most of my friends and family have shared the news at around the 6 week mark and colleagues probably at about 8-10 weeks. The only time I haven’t found out until 12 weeks is usually when I’m not in regular contact with the person and have found out because they’ve uploaded the 12 week scan pic to an announcement on social media.

British asian
didnt tell many people until they saw me around 8months 😂 some didn’t know until the baby was actually born 😂
i had previous MCs so that was my reason nothing to do with culture

my Indian heritage would say to keep it quiet until 3 months

But that’s not any kind of UK ‘standard advice’, any more than paying three month’s salary for an engagement ring is ‘standard advice’. It arose purely out of the pragmatic recognition that by then, you’d have had some indication, whether a scan or not, of whether the pregnancy was viable. I’m not British, but my decision to tell no one till 19 weeks was for purely pragmatic personal reasons, not cultural ones.

between 7-9 weeks as happened to see family and close friends during that period. Miscarriage at 11 weeks, I hadn’t had a scan before. I have zero regrets about telling, I’m very passionate that miscarriage should be discussed more openly as it’s so common. But equally if someone wants to wait, that’s perfectly valid. I’m pregnant again and have shared early again, luckily better progress this time.

The other cultures I know also 12 weeks.
But I think it's personal rather than cultural.

I told everyone as soon as I found out. When I had my miscarridge, I was glad I was able to talk about it rather than suffer with it alone.