Advice/handhold please.

[newtothisxxx]

Hi. I'm new to this and really appreciate any advice. I've recently found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I'm not with the baby's dad but we are friends and he is aware.
I'm nearly 35, no children already, but I'm really in two minds on if I want to carry on this pregnancy. I don't think I can face being a single parent, and my whole life changing but I also don't know if I can face a termination after a MC 2years ago. The guilt is already getting to me.
I really know it's my fault getting myself in this situation. I live with family, lost my job last year and have nothing to offer a child but I'm also aware I'm 35 and this could be my last chance.

I really appreciate any advice or anyone else's experience please.

I haven’t been in this situation OP. It sounds really tough.
I wonder based on what you have described, that perhaps you have already made your decision?
Play out pregnancy alone without support, the early days of a newborn, the toddler years and beyond .

do you think you will manage? Do you think you will enjoy being a mother through each phase.

Only you can answer.
I have a very supportive DH, he has really helped me through pregnancy and beyond. Personally I couldn’t do it all without him on my own.

Thank you for your response :)
I do feel the fact I'm even considering it as an option means I've half made my mind up.

The dad would be involved but he lives and works away a lot, and I do have a great family but I'm not naive as to how hard it would be and that's what I don't think I can do.

Knowing you'd of struggled without your partner makes me realise how hard it would be.

Hi
firstly do not be so hard on yourself. Just because you have hit a few bumps it does not mean you ‘have nothing to offer a child’. The fact you have even come on here to ask for advice shows that you’re a considerate person. Children don’t need all the money in the world they need a parent who loves them and puts them first. I’m sure you could offer them that.

My baby is currently 8 weeks old and I am 34. However with you saying you’re 35 and you might not get another chance I don’t agree with that, women are having babies later now. I don’t feel like an ‘old’ mom. However having a baby for me has been like stepping into another life. I have good support around me from a partner but also from my Mum, do you have family to help you if you were to continue with the pregnancy? It is hard OP but I have never felt a love like this, but again for me it was instant and I haven’t suffered with ‘baby blues’ or PND like others do.

Ultimately you need to decide, no one can tell you one way or another but I do really empathise with you. X

Congratulations on your 8 week old 😊

I do have a great family around me and I know they would be so willing to help but it's just such a big decision and right now I'm not sure I can do it. 😞 I feel like no matter the decision I make I'll regret it x

@newtothisxxx I'm so sorry you've got this tough decision to make - it must be really hard, especially having lost a previous pregnancy to MC.

I'm not a single mum so I can't speak to that side of things. I think there might be a forum somewhere on here for single Mums though... Maybe try searching it out and asking for some thoughts on there. As someone who is doing this with a supportive partner I also envisage how tough it would be on my own, however, the reality is, lots of women do it, and boss it! So it's not the best all and end all.

I think the big consideration for me is: do you want to be a mum at some point? And... If you knew that this was your only shot, would it change your decision?

Yes, mums are having babies later, but it would be a bit naive to presume this will definitely be an option, especially if you are currently single. I had my first just after I turned 35. All very straightforward. I then had 3 miscarriages trying for a second (aged 37) and I do think probably my age played a part in that. Thankfully I am now pregnant again at 38 and hopefully all going ok, but my point is, a successful pregnancy is never a given. I'm not saying that to scare you, but just as a fact of life. And there are more risks the older you are, but if course, also many babies born healthy to older mums. But it is a gamble.

It might be time for a good old pros and cons list. Are you able to talk to your family and the dad about practicalities/support etc if you were to go ahead too to give you a better idea of how the reality might look? Wishing you all the best xx

Hi @SnookyPook
Thank you so much for your message.
I will do that thank you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

I've never been the girl who grew up dreaming of being a mother or getting married, with my ex I saw that but that was with him and having a family.
The baby's dad lives a few hours away and wouldn't be a regular person in its life if that makes sense because of that.
And my worry is exactly what if it's my last chance, I'm 35 single and have had complications before.
However I can't imagine doing it alone, single mum, not having that family unit. I just don't know how I'm supposed to ever make the right decision x