Is it normal to suddenly change your mind and badly want a second child?

[ScrambledEggs82]

Hi there, I'm writing this in the hope that someone has been in the same position as me. So basically, I have a two and half year old (I'm not going to use the DH, DD acronyms I've seen on here as quite frankly I don't know what most of them stand for). I was VERY sure I did not want a 2nd child after she was born for three reasons. 1) I had an awful pregnancy with HG, and very bad depression, pelvic girdle pain and was in hospital a lot during pregnancy. This sounds dramatic but after my mother dying, pregnancy was the worst experience of my life.

However, when my little girl was born, I felt great and I absolutely LOVE being her mum. Of course there are hard days but she is just class and she looks very like my late mother, and has helped heal a lot of grief from losing my mum. We got pregnant very easily with her (first month trying) even though I was 38. My husband is a brilliant dad, I know I am very lucky to have him. I didn't meet him until I was 36 after wading through the dregs of the dating barrel for years. Hubby has said it's up to me if we have a 2nd one as I'm the one who has to go through the pregnancy.

Now, about 4 months ago, it was like a switch went off in my ovaries and I am MAD to have a second one. WTF is wrong with me? I am now 41 (husband is 43) and we have not been trying too long (3 months) but of course, I'm not getting preggers now. Basically, 5 months ago our little one started creche, which she loves, and life just got much more manageable. We have Zero family support or babysitting help. My mum is dead and my dad is in a nursing home, my husband's dad is dead and his mother is almost 80 and though she is fabulous and loves when we visit, she is just not able to look after a toddler.

I have a sister who is 43. We have never got on, our whole lives, though we do meet up occasionally now and get on okay. She is single with no kids and said she will not babysit as she 'hates kids'. Which is fair enough. She also said my kid is my problem. She's a real delight, as you can tell, haha. (I should add another reason I was VERY sure I wanted only one kid is because I saw the hurt it caused my mother that myself and my sister fought so much our whole lives. She even said on her deathbed it was her greatest heartache.) This made me think - I would rather have one happy child than be a referee for two that don't get on.

I have a brother who lives in the States. We get on great, I just don't see him in person much. Hubby has 3 brothers who live an hour's drive away, they have older teenage kids and have babysat once (which I was grateful for) but don't really offer and I don't like to ask or put them out as they are kind of past the small kids stage.

Anyway, we bought a house a year ago (forgot to add we got evicted from our rental apartment when I was preggers - fun!). I also got a new job which is great ( I was fired from my last job when preggers - long story!) and my new job offers one year paid salary for maternity leave (which is VERY unusual but fantastic). So life is more stable now in general and I count my blessings every day.

So since December, it's like my womb is on fire and screaming 'put a baby in me biatch!', but I am 41 now.... is this just the 'last gasp' from my ovaries before they retire? Whenever I see a cute baby I hear birds chirping and lullabies playing and just go AWWWwwww. Help! Am I being totally stupid/ unreasonable to even want a 2nd one after the logical/ sensible part of me was SO sure I was happy with one?

Also I have PCOS... so it was a miracle I got up the duff so easily with the first one. I have actually booked in to a fertility clinic for a general MOT next week (AMH test and scan). Maybe the doctor will talk sense into me!

Has anyone else done a 180 degree turn from a 'Hell no, no more' to a 'Yes please, one more!!' Is this normal? Basically just looking to see if anyone is or has been in situ, and if it will pass?? If you have made it this far, thanks for reading my rant!!

Hi I don't have a hell of a lot of similarities to your situation but I understand the feeling of 'I don't care about rhyme or reason, I just need to have a baby!' it's like something just happens in your brain that you can't control. I have family around who could look after my kids in an emergency, and either my sister or mum will occasionally babysit but I don't like to ask as my mum is elderly and my sister works alot and has her own life/kids etc. I guess you need to sit down with your partner and discuss the practicalities of what having another child would be like, money, space, do you both feel up to going through the newborn stage again etc. If you feel it could all work then why not, or it may help you to realise it might not be right for you, there's no right or wrong answer really. I will say one pregnancy can be vastly different to another (all of mine have been) and although you and your sister don't get along there's nothing to say it would be the same for your child and a sibling.

I loved reading your post, despite the heartache you shared about the loss of your mother and how incredibly difficult your previous pregnancy was.

I love reading posts about people deciding between 1&2 children because that's literally been me for the past 6 years. I was one and done for about 5 years because my first was a high needs baby, I had a massive PPH, undiagnosed PnD & I was so overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood and by how much my life changed and how much I felt I lost. Then, out of nowhere, I needed to have another baby.

I am here to tell you to GO FOR IT. I had my 2nd baby two months ago (at 37) and it has been the best and most healing experience. (I hasten to add that the early weeks, up until the end of week 3 at least, were BRUTAL.. recovery, hormones, baby blues, balancing perfect first born with new strange tiny human) but now i wouldn't change a thing. My baby is so beautiful, I love our family of 4, and i feel so happy.

It seems like you will have very little family support if you go ahead with baby #2.. but there is paid child day care, mothers' help & babysitters to replace that familial support. Hopefully you will lean heavily on your husband too. In my opinion, a supportive partnership is the most important thing in the early days/months of parenting.

I hope your fertility check goes well! Good luck with whatever you decide.

I had similar and my daughter was also about 2.5. Was convinced I just wanted her, sold all the baby bits, wasn't even considering it a plan. Then I got married (to her dad) and seeing his big family at the wedding just switched it all for me and I realised my daughter was the type of kid who would love a sibling unlike me who had loved being an only child, she has an older half brother from my husband but only sees him every other weekend. Got my coil out about 8 weeks later, fell pregnant 2 weeks after that and now 23 weeks 😅

It's very common. Especially when they turn two, they are not babies anymore. I have a daughter who just turned 2 years old, and I'm 26 weeks pregnant. I am so excited to have a baby again, I feel like my daughters baby stage went way too quick.

My husband is 41, and I'm 36. We have no help (both of our families in different countries), and we also have my husband's father living with is who has severe dementia.
Yes, it will be hard at the beggining. But you have to think about how much easier it will be when they can play with each other later, rather than you constantly have to entertain your only child.

First was via IVF (3 attempts, 2 miscarriages)
Mental breakdown on the third cycle which gave me my little boy.
I swore I wouldn't go through IVF again, it was too much for me and I accepted he'd be an only child.

4 years later. Boom, I want a baby.
And I fell preg naturally.

And she's been a blessing to us all.

Go for it.

I've always known that I wanted more than 1 so can't relate to some of your post, however, just wanted to say, that my Sister is my absolute rock and best friend, and always has been and it's absolutely possible to have siblings who are super close. So don't feel bad that you will be disrupting your daughter's life with a similar experience to your own. My sibling relationship is part of the reason I really hoped I'd be able to provide my son with a little sibling. I'm 38 - currently 19wks pregnant and my son turned 3 in Jan and is at a great age to be excited about baby and big enough to help a bit and understand/be talked to about jealousy/sharing etc.

Good luck with your fertility mot! Plenty of women your age have healthy babies 💗

This crazy desire for another baby is very, very common when peri-menopause starts.

Yes it's completely normal to feel this way! I went through the same thing 😊 my daughter was a bit of a troublesome baby so we were both one and done but then she turned 2 and became so easy to be around and is the absolute light of our lives so we became open to the idea of a second. I'm also late 30's and struggle with fertility issues so it may not be in the stars for us but I would love my daughter to have a sibling. It took 3 years to conceive my first though so I'm not holding my breath 🙈 I just wanted to let you know we're in the same boat!! X

Thanks for the responses. It's comforting to know it's not just me who feels like this!! We are going to keep trying anyway and see what happens. I have friends who get on great with their sisters, so I know that it is possible. I feel less 'panicked' about it now, and we will see if it happens. If it doesn't, that's okay. Thanks for the replies x