Constant fear of mmc

[Sara1988]

I'm 11 weeks and have been anxious since day one. I had a scan at 8 weeks and have another at 13 and I'm terrified the baby won't be alive.

I'm still having lots of symptoms and I was exactly the same before my 8 week one about ectopic. I just don't know how to shake these fears.

No advice but just wanted to say I'm exactly the same. With DD1 I didn't have a scan until 12 weeks and was convinced there would be nothing there. This time I was convinced I was having ectopic (had one sided pain) so had a scan at 6.5 weeks and all okay, still can't get rid of the feeling that it will be bad news at 12 weeks. If it helps at all my anxiety decreased over the pregnancy, particularly after 12 weeks. I just try and distract myself.
I've heard that if you see a heart beat at 8 weeks chances of MC significantly drop 💕

I’m just over 4 weeks and the anxiety and worry is hanging over me all the time.
I had a MC at 8 weeks back in December. It was emotionally and physically painful.
im also worried about having an ectopic pregnancy…the problem is the more you know the less reassurance you get.
I don’t know what the answer is but it goes to show how traumatic mc are and that there isn’t much after care to work through the emotional baggage it causes.
you are absolutely not alone.
I actually don’t think therapy or counselling would help unless they have a crystal ball and can tell you it will all be fine.

Got my 12 week scan on Friday and have convinced myself the same so can’t help but just know you’re not on your own in feeling like that.

No advice I’m afraid as I’m in a similar position. Pregnant with my second and had a scan at 6 weeks, 9 weeks, 11 (due to cramping) and then the NHS 12 week one. Obviously all has been great each time but still finding it impossible not to worry. I’m now 13 weeks and just don’t remotely feel pregnant now which is making me worry (even though I should be enjoying the lack of symptoms but it just makes me uneasy!)

I spoke to my midwife at my booking in appointment about the odds of a mmc after seeing a heartbeat and she was very dismissive and said ‘as long as there’s no blood you’re fine’ which is completely not true. She asked what’s making me worry and I said ‘well, stuff you read on the internet’ and she said ‘well don’t read on the internet then’ so yeah. Helpful!

@Leonarda89 sorry you're feeling the same! Hopefully the fact that so many of us are feeling this way shows it's anxiety and not intuition! Seeing the heartbeat at 8 weeks calmed me for about a week but now back to the same fears.

@Sunnyseville I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm feeling like this without any past history so I can't imagine how tough it must be. I see a therapist due to ocd but nothing she says has reassured me. She did say it's signs of maternal protectiveness kicking in. Which I guess is a good thing? Congratulations on you're pregnancy! Try to enjoy it despite the anxiety.

@Battenbergsquare good luck for your scan! I'm sorry you're going through the same but it is reassuring to know others feel similar because it suggests it's anxiety not intuition!

@TupperCare I know that one! I complain about my symptoms all day but the minute I get any respite I panic about where they've gone! I don't think being on here helps as inevitably people on pregnancy forums are often people who are anxious or who have had difficulties so you hear of more issues than you do uneventful pregnancies! Sorry your midwife was so unhelpful!

I genuinely agree that being on here doesn’t help! I’ve been thinking that a lot recently that you read so many awful stories on here, and obviously my heart goes out to all the people affected, but realistically those stats are so low but they’re elevated on here and makes it feel like the outcome is more common!
low

I worked in a sonography clinic for a few years and genuinely it is so so rare to see a mmc when there’s already been a heartbeat seen at a 7/8 week scan! we did see mmc of course but it’s almost always at 6/7 weeks - it’s so rare. There’s obviously no ‘safe zone’ but the chances of anything going wrong beyond seeing a heartbeat at 8 weeks are <3% so try to remember it’s far more likely to go smoothly than for anything to happen. I do understand your worry though. I’m a month from having my baby and the anxiety still niggles away if I don’t feel him kick for half an hour

@TupperCare it's a vicious cycle though because then I also come on here for posts like this that do help! I wonder if I came off for a week I would see a difference.

@strawberryswizzler This does help, thank you. I'm prone to anxiety anyway and I think pregnancy has compounded it.

@Sara1988 SO true! And I can’t help myself popping here every now and then!

@Sara1988 I’m sorry to hear you are going through this, it’s a horrible place to be. I had a MMC last year and am now 20 weeks pregnant and have had a lot of anxiety over it happening again. It’s the worst because you can’t really be responsive to cues from your body.

I did find that focusing on and making it through particular milestones helped (eg 12 weeks, 12 week scan, 14 weeks when it’s no longer an early miscarriage etc.) I also found that after my 12 week scan time started to speed up and I have not been as anxious as frequently as I was. It won’t be too long before you can feel the baby move, which will help enormously. If possible for you then I would also recommend booking a private scan for 15/16 weeks as I found it very disconcerting when my pregnancy symptoms faded but I couldn’t yet feel the movement/didn’t have a bump! Everyone is different though.

In terms of practical tips, I have found that reminding myself that the chances of another MMC especially after 8 weeks at a normal size and with a heartbeat are really low. There is a high 90’s% chance that this won’t happen to you, but what is a much bigger chance is that the anxiety will rob you of the joy of your pregnancy. If it happens it will be devastating whether you worried about it or not (these are all things I say to myself btw - not just saying to you!). Also remember that in all likelihood your worry will fade at least a bit once you can feel the baby move so you won’t have to get through until 40 weeks! Oh and stay away from horror stories on the internet as they will just cause more worry.

I really hope that the anxiety diminishes for you and that you can have some moments of joy in this exciting time ❤️

@Fletn22 thank you. That's really helpful. And I'm sorry for your loss. I keep trying to remind myself if all the worry I had about ectopic before my 8 week scan and that I was wrong about that. And, like you say, worry doesn't change a thing except rob me of joy.