Should I tell my ex I'm pregnant?

[Newbiex]

I found out I'm pregnant this week, around 5 weeks. Me and my ex have been split around two years. Still friends, see each other occasionally. We lives 2 hours apart. We have no children and suffered a MMC in 2021, this is my first pregnancy since that. I'm petrified of something going wrong. I'm aware me falling pregnant isn't ideal, and it was the first time we'd slept together in over a year so can't believe I have as we struggled to conceive when together. I shouldn't even of been ovulating at that time we had sex. I know he won't be happy, he's always said having a baby being split up would be awful and he lives far away from me etc. i don't really care for his family either.
Should I wait until I'm past 12 weeks to tell him?

I’m assuming you’re planning on continuing with the pregnancy? If yes, then do what is best for you.

Thank you. I'm 36. Had kind of come to the conclusion I would now never have children as I'm single etc but I could never ever even consider a termination after the pain I felt from my MMC. I just want to make sure I handle it right x

I personally would if you feel like you need the support but if he's going to be unsupportive I wouldn't. You will need to tell him at some point though as he has a right to know. Surely he knows if you have unprotected sex even if it's just casual, it can lead to pregnancy.

5 weeks is very still early, I'd give it longer before bringing this up.

I know he'd be a good dad but the situation isn't ideal, however I feel he'd put it all on me when it takes 2 to tango.

I appreciate it's early, which is why I'm thinking of waiting, also because of a previous MMC and I'm scared it will happen again. Thank you

I would wait.

As you say it’s very early . Yes I would wait a bit longer ..

Not so long that he feels you have been hiding things .

Are you eligible for early scan ? Maybe wait till after that.

Thank you for the advice :)
I am eligible for an early scan and will be having one but I feel like waiting for 12 weeks will make me feel more confident nothing is going to go wrong. X

You're friends, on good enough terms to meet up (and have unprotected sex).
You think he'd be a good dad.

I would tell him. Unless you think he would make your life difficult/be abusive or toxic then tell him.

Not sure what you mean by "however I feel he'd put it all on me"?

5 weeks is still very early so if you are 100% certain you want to continue the pregnancy I'd probably wait until you are more sure the pregnancy is viable ( sorry for wording). It's a bit of a shit situation as he might well think you have done it on purpose and the fact that you will be tied to him for years to come will make things difficult.

Why would he put it all on you? Does he not understand how pregnancy occurs?

I think he would put it all on me in the sense of blaming me for falling pregnant and I should of known better. As if he thinks I was doing it on purpose to trap him which isn't the case, I'm happier out of the relationship. Its both of Our fault for getting carried away in that moment.
I get what you're saying and completely agree with the pregnancy being viable @WinteryConditions x

congratulations!! 🌷

maybe he needs a biology lesson?

in your situation I'd wait until the early scan then reasses the situation, maybe decide to wait until the 12 week scan?

what contact with the baby/child will he want, would you want him to have?

whatever else, the baby gets YOUR surname!!

Thank you for you lovely comment 😊
I do think waiting till that 12 week mark and just being sure is best!

Exactly, 2 to tango! Some people just don't like accepting responsibility!

I would be fine with him having contact as I previously said I think he'd be a good dad, however we do live 2 hours apart now and I don't really like his family. They treated me quite badly when we split so it's a tricky situation so im unsure how comfortable I would feel.

Omg I didn't even think of the surname thing but great idea 😂 thanks again x

Why on earth are you sleeping with your ex, unprotected, 2 years after splitting up? I don’t mean that in a judgemental way, I mean, why are you doing it? Do you both have feelings still? Is it not really over? What’s happening there? How are you supposed to ever move on?
i think either way you need to sort that relationship out because that is a messy situation to bring a child into.

he doesn’t sound super pleasant if he’s having unprotected sex with you and then you expect him to be both shocked and blame you for a resulting pregnancy so do take care of yourself.
definitely wait until you’re a bit further along and feel more robust to deal with him being difficult.
your comments about his family and him not wanting children whilst you’re apart imply that he will want to get back together, but if you’re happier out of the relationship don’t feel pressured to do that.

Congratulations. Your life will be so much easier and calm if you keep this to yourself and say nothing and have no further contact with him.

If you can afford it I would go for the harmony scan and blood test. It can be done a bit earlier and is quite accurate in testing for abnormalities. It might reassure you.