Pregnant and have 8 month old

[Hoppyhops]

I commented on an old thread but thought I should start my own. I found out that I’m pregnant yesterday and I’m in shock. It took 4 years and numerous MC to get my DS so I didn’t think I’d get pregnant again so quickly (though I’m aware I could still MC).

The problem is, I don’t feel happy. I feel guilty for my poor son and incredibly anxious. Then I feel guilty about not being happy. My son hasn’t been the easiest baby and I’ve found adjusting to motherhood really hard. I’ve only just started to get into a good rhythm and feel a bit more myself, and DS is still a really inconsistent sleeper- most nights I’m awake several times. How am I going to cope with two so young!?

DH is supportive but is in work all day, when my DS is at his most lively and demanding. He does loads when home though. Is it going to ruin our marriage? also, I was looking forward to going back to work and now I’ll be back for just a few months, then off again. How is my boss going to react!?

Sorry for the word vomit. I’m so anxious, it’s making me feel so ill. I’m sure there are positives but all I can focus on is how hard it’s going to be. DS is unwell, whingey and teething so this isn’t helping either.

Ahh congratulations. It’s such a mix of feelings isn’t it. I found out I was pregnant again when my son was 10.5 months old. Sadly that pregnancy recently ended, but I had all the same worries you’ve listed above.
The thought of having a young toddler and a newborn was really overwhelming.
But once the pregnancy ended I realised that it would have been nice to do the whole baby thing all in one go. And the thought of them being so close in age and growing up together was really lovely.
Also, your DS will be older and easier by the time the baby is born. My son is 1 now and from 9 months he’s just been a delight and things have been so much easier. You can work on improving his sleep, and once he’s really able to move independently he’ll be able to grab toys he wants to play with, he’ll be eating by himself etc. No doubt it’ll be hard, but I know a few people who have similar or smaller age gaps and they all say it’s hard in the early days but it gets a lot easier as the kids entertain each other.
As for work, I wouldn’t worry about what your boss says or thinks. It actually really common for people to rerun from maternity leave already pregnant again. I can think of 4 people I’ve worked with where it’s happened and it’s been fine.
I hope you feel less anxious and things go well for you

@Row23 Thank you so much for replying and I’m really sorry to hear about your loss. Lots of what you’re saying is sensible and definitely true. I keep thinking DS will still be the way he is now in 8/9 months time but I know that’s ridiculous because he’s already changed so much.
Thank you again- I really appreciate it.

OP I have been there. There is a 14 month gap between my youngest two. I felt so guilty about it. My baby became a big brother while he was still a baby. I felt guilty for worrying about how I would cope , guilty that I wouldn’t be able to give them enough of my time. I could go on my head was in a right spin.
I think what you’re feeling is normal. Go easy on yourself.

Hi op
Congratulations. My DD was 9 months when I got pregnant and 18 months when I gave birth to DD2. The first few months were OK, with a period in the middle when DD2 got more demanding which was difficult, however now at 3 years and 18 months, they're playing together and entertaining themselves more meaning I can get stuff done. I might get some backlash for saying this but the thing I would have done differently with Dd2 is combi feed and get her used to a bottle, she is still breastfeeding and not sleeping through. If she was my life would be so much easier. It's got to a point now I just need to let her stop naturally as I don't cope well with the screaming when she can't have it. Other than that, the time has gone so quickly and everything is much easier.

Also, if you did want a second think of it as you're in the routine now and you don't have to go back to the beginning in a couple of years.

I wouldn't worry about work, they will quickly get over it and it goes that quickly that you will soon be back after baby number 2!

Hope all goes well for you.

I fell pregnant when my son was 9 months old. Similar situation as it took 3 years to have him but this one came pretty instantly. I’m due next month. Everything you’re feeling is normal and it is certainly overwhelming. 9 months of pregnancy is a long time to get used to the shock and adjustment if you do decide to keep the new baby.

We figured we would focus on the positives. We’ve still got all the first child’s baby stuff like clothes etc and can remember everything about how to look after a newborn. For us that’s better than having a bigger gap and having to relearn things we’d forgotton. The guilt subsides but doesn’t go away. The reality is whenever we choose to give our children a sibling, we change their lives. Often the younger they are the easier they take to it so fingers crossed for both of us!

Congratulations!

I got pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was 8 months, and I also got pregnant with DC2 when DC2 was 8 months. I'm currently 25 weeks with DC3 so no idea what having 3 under 3 will be like!
I also had the problem with going back to work for a few months and then going off again, this time too! My employer wasn't bothered, they can't tell you when to have children. Also, my boss did exactly the same!

It's absolutely fine to feel worried but I think everything happens for a reason and I'm sure you'll smash it as a mum of 2 under 2. It won't be easy, but you will cope. Enjoy the time with your little ones. My DC1 does not sleep well trust me and they are both in with us every night after a few hours, I'm shattered but it's worth it. They will be so close and you already have fresh experience with a newborn!! Think of the positives and reach out for help if you need it.

I hope what I have said has helped. Good luck!

*I also got pregnant with DC3 when DC2 was 8 months

Thank you all so much for your replies. I’ve had a skim read and can see so many helpful things. I managed to have a nap this afternoon when DS slept and it’s amazing how much better I feel about it all after a rest.

I keep thinking that we had always planned to have two so it’s good to get it all over with in one go. I think it’s just the guilt that’s eating up at me so much but like lots of you said, when we have another one, we’re going to change their life and he won’t remember it being any different. I am going to re-read everything you’ve all said with a cuppa when DS goes to bed.

Again, thank you all so much. It really is so helpful to hear from others who have experienced something similar and I need somewhere to come back to when it starts feeling overwhelming again.

Try not to feel guilty for giving him a sibling, I think it's a wonderful thing! And you're right, he won't remember it just being him! My DC1 doesn't remember it just being her and she loves her little sister!!

Well I assume she doesn't remember, she's only 2 🤣

16 month age gap here. Similarly story in that it took YEARS to conceive my first born so the second was a huge surprise. I felt guilty too but honestly my two girls are 5&6 now and the best of friends. I couldn’t imagine having one without the other and they’d be lost without each other. It was tough in the early days but you just learn to juggle both babies needs. It will all be fine I promise :)

Oh yes - my 6 year old cannot remember or imagine life without her sister 👧 👧