Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Just got BFP and really not sure what to do..........................

18 replies

BrunetteBombshell · 26/03/2008 16:19

Just done a test and got a BFP. I already have two children and was not planning a third so this is a huge shock.

I am really not sure what to do now, DH and I have had a chat (nothing in depth as I had to go to work) he has said he will stand by whatever decision I make. I am driving myself mad with this.

Could I ask for some impartial advice?? DH is about 60/40 in favour of a termination I am 50/50.

Thx

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Bettispaghetti · 26/03/2008 16:24

Only you can make this important decision. I would say wait until the news has sunk in and then decide. I wouldn't make any decisions whilst you are still 'in shock' which you might regret later.

Good luck. I hope you find the right answer.

Original poster
BrunetteBombshell · 26/03/2008 16:30

Thx Betti, I am all over the place at the moment and not concentrating on work at all (and shouldn't be on MN either)

OP posts:
CantSleepWontSleep · 26/03/2008 16:54

I think it's pretty hard to give totally impartial advice on this subject, but the one helpful thing I can say is to make sure that you take enough time to make your decision, and don't feel rushed or pressurised into anything.

I do think that you need to be 100% sure to go through with a termination though.

Original poster
BrunetteBombshell · 26/03/2008 16:58

I have asked a close friend her opinion and she has given me some advice to think about. I don't know anyone who has had a termination and have no idea what is involved or what sort emotional support you need.

I am a regular MNer BTW just name-changed as as I don't want RL friends knowing just yet

OP posts:
Amberc · 26/03/2008 17:44

I had a termination once and it was simple and painless and I didn't ever feel I made the wrong decision because the father of the baby was in all sorts of trouble and didn't want to know and I was very young. I was 100% sure I was doing the right thing and am now happily pregnant and ready to raise a family. But if there had been an element of doubt in my mind I would probably be still thinking about it today 11 years later. Make sure you are sure.

Original poster
BrunetteBombshell · 26/03/2008 20:46

I am not 100% either way that's why I am in a mess.

Seeing the GP tomorrow for a chat so hopefully I will get some advice to help me decide.

OP posts:
Tinkerisdead · 26/03/2008 21:19

I also had a termination once and echo what others have said, you have to be 100% sure. I really regretted it intially and had counselling etc. I went on the NHS and that was very hard, I had to wait until I was 11 weeks and as such the emotional pull was horrendous by that time. Only you can decide what is right for you. I have to say I was unsure when I had mine and felt pressured to do it. I was waiting for other people to tell me not to do it and make the decision for me and not focusing on what I really felt. Now, i think it was right for me, my life has turned out in ways that wouldnt have been possible had I had a baby back then. But it took a lot of talking and counselling to get past the regret and the "what ifs". Hope that helps.

disneystar · 26/03/2008 21:33

i agree you have to be totallt sure before the decision is made,thers no point in "what ifs" afterwards thats why being so sure is so important.
firstly write down why you would want a termination what are your reasons?
also what are your dh reasons?
also once you have made you decision stick with it with reasons like "this is right for me" and do not feel pressured by anyone elses opinion.
GP,s are good but have to give impartial advise,
i have some younger and older mums to be say to me "but i am happy with my life"
or i cant cope emotionally with another baby
only you and your dh know your limitations and what you can manage no -one else.
i have experience of this and councel others before and after
remember your hormones are all over and shock is a big player
talk to your dh be so honest with each other
and try to think rationally if possible
il be thinking of you
good luck in what you decide i know how hard this can be.

Original poster
BrunetteBombshell · 27/03/2008 11:49

The GP has echoed what you have said about letting the shock subside and news settle in then go from there.

I need to really put this into persepctive as I am flipping from one decision to the other

Thx for the replies

OP posts:
disneystar · 27/03/2008 22:17

im thinkin of you and your dh take care x

Original poster
BrunetteBombshell · 30/03/2008 21:12

Well I have made my decision and have booked the appointment at the docs. I feel I want get this over with ASAP before anything starts to develop. When I had decided I felt a huge weight lift of mys houlders and felt calm. Thats not to say I am happy about what I am going to do but more sure that the decision is right for us.

DH is backing me 100% I just have th enect hurdle to get over.

Thx for the support.

OP posts:
crapolo · 30/03/2008 21:34

this could be me writing this. i found out 3 weeks ago i was pg already have 3 dc. I knew i couldn't go through with the pregnancy. My Dh was supportive but i kinda felt i wanted someone to tell me what to do. I went to hosp last week after referral from doc. Turns out i'm 4 ish weeks so i must have been very very early on when i tested!?! so am booked in for a surgical termination next week. I feel relieved but i wanted it done sooner. The horrible thing is those early symptoms right now its tiredness, and knowing i can't moan to anyone as no-one knows. Also feeling thoses symptoms and it not being for a greater purpose IYSWIM.
Sorry there was probably no point to this post except i can relate to certain things.

Original poster
BrunetteBombshell · 31/03/2008 14:24

Crapolo, you have summed me up in your post. I feel tired and sick but can't moan to anyone as no-one knows. Can i just ask (and please feel free to tell me to piss off and mind my business) but what is a surgical termination?? and why did you decide on that?? When I briefly spoke to my GP last week he said I could take a tablet that would cause a heavy 'period' after a few hours. Is that what you are having??

Have you wobbled over your decision at all?? I think the symptoms and hormones are making it very difficult at the moment hence why I want to get this over with.

Sorry, please don't answer if it is too much, I will understand, it is just such a releif knowing someone else understands how I am feeling.

OP posts:
fifisworld · 31/03/2008 16:13

Brunette, im not in your situation but i had a termination in 2003 and i had the same procedure as your having. I had to go in the day before and get a tablet which caused a bleed within a few hours then went in the next day and had pessaries inserted which caused me to get a really heavy period and pass it.
They might ask you to go back in for a scan after a week just to make sure theres nothing left.
The surgical procedure i think is where you are put to sleep and they remove it from you via a suction.

Its a really hard decision to make but its obviously the right one for you if you feel the weight has been lifted from you. I wasnt in a very stable relationship and it was right for me at the time.
I hope everything is ok.x

Original poster
BrunetteBombshell · 31/03/2008 22:10

Thanks fifi I will let you know how I get on tomorrow

OP posts:
minkulus · 31/03/2008 22:25

Brunette
Sending love and kindness to you and your family.

Original poster
BrunetteBombshell · 03/04/2008 12:39

DH and I have weighed up all the pros and cons and I have decided that I cannot go through with a termination, so looks like I am going to be a Mummy of 3!!!

Thanks for all your replies and support, It really did help me through a tricky time.

OP posts:
pooka · 03/04/2008 12:42

Well congratulations are in order then.
Good luck with the pregnancy, and I'm sure you'll be a great mum of 3.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page