Help! Hiding pregnancy at intimate hen do

[OliveDreamer]

Hello,

We have just found out that I am pregnant (4 weeks) which we are very excited about.

Here's the dilemma ....

It's my mums hen do next week (parents are finally tying the knot after 40years together) she was previously a nurse so the good old antibiotics story isn't going to work with her.

We're going to the mumma Mia party where the tables are very intimate and as part of our ticket we each have pre ordered wine on the table (I didn't think I'd get pregnant as quick as we did so didn't think of it at the time). There is just 4 of us so not a big group at all. I'm not one to ever shy away from a glass of wine and my mum knows this. If we order drinks at the bar, I'll most likely have her one of my sisters be with me so I will struggle to order non alcoholic

How on earth do I hide this 😅 even though it's my mums party, I'm not ready to share this news yet as it is so early on but I'm stressing at how I'll hide this. I don't want them to find out and miss out on the experience of telling my family together with my parter but just not ready for this yet.

Any genius ideas are very welcome x

Ah honestly I think you'll have to tell her. Just say you're being cautious just now for obvious reasons and you'd prefer her to keep it to herself. I hid my pregnancy until I was 22 weeks over Xmas and holidays and alsorts (I had my reasons!), but my partner was often there to help deflect the attention when drinks were involved! With just the 4 of you in such an intimate setting, they'll all probably work it out anyway

If god forbid you were to miscarry before 12 weeks, would you tell your Mum?

I always told the (few!) people I knew I'd need support from if something happened. This trying to keep it secret business from your very closest family and support system sounds all a bit laborious and tiresome tbh.

They can always act all surprised when you tell your wider family and friends 😁

Just get a glass of wine at the start of the night, and hold it the whole time. People aren't watching to make sure you're sipping it/refreshing your glass.

I had something similar when I found out - we found out on the Friday night, and Saturday we were going to a 70th birthday lunch for my mum (at her house, so like a boozy buffet). There was no way in hell I’d be able to hide it because my mum knows me and would never buy any reason for me not drinking (unless I had a marathon within the next few weeks, but she would have already known about that well in advance).
DH didn’t like the idea, but I felt like I had to tell her. I didn’t want it just coming out. So I texted her and my sister that morning, just saying, “We’ve just found out I’m pregnant, we’re delighted but still processing the news so not wanting to focus on it today - it’s all about Mum! Looking forward to celebrating it properly when we’re further along and a bit more secure.” It was lovely when I got there because someone had gone out and bought me a bottle of Freixenet 0% which I thought was really kind.

Now we’re in the process of telling DH’s family and I am a bit jealous that they all get the exciting moment of being told in person and celebrating, but on balance I’m pleased I’ve had my family’s support over the last few weeks because I’ve been really ill! Me and dh have said we’ll maybe do a really cringey gender reveal with my family to make up for it 😂

Tell them you're cutting out wine as you're trying to lose weight? Or trying to get pregnant?

Tell your mum.

Who else is on the hen do? Assuming you are close to them all I can’t imagine any are going to feel anything but happiness for you if you mention in advance you are in v early stages of pregnancy? You could aay you don’t want to talk about it beyond that and you want the weekend to focus on your mum, but equally you didn’t want to fib about not drinking?

It’s your mum sbd sisters? Why not just tell them? It’s lovely news and you can enjoy it together.
and presumably you’d tell them if anything happened?

I agree with this approach. If you were to miscarry good to have told the people you would want to support you.

Could you tell you mum and just let her in on it that way She could help you hid it ? I'm sure you could find a way to get them to swap your drink out for something non alcoholic without anyone knowing ?

If it was my mums hen do, I'd just tell her.

If it was a friend or family member I wasn't as close to, I'd pretend I was still recovering from a cold or a stomach bug earlier in the week and not quite ready to drink.

A couple of options if you really don’t want to tell…

Massive hangover. This works much better than the antibiotics which just screams pregnancy.

Pretend you have Covid (or another illness) a few days before. Tummy bug mentioned above is a good shout.

I had the same on my own hen do! I did say and it was fine. I had previously experienced a miscarriage at 11 weeks and you have to tell everyone then anyway. I would tell them but say it’s early days you know.

Just tell her. Don’t wait to make some big announcement. Surely you’d tell her if you had a miscarriage. I hate the waiting til 12 weeks thing, it suggests miscarriage is embarrassing or shameful. I told early and then did have a miscarriage and I have zero regrets. She’ll guess anyway

There are a couple of antibiotics you really can't drink on. Although it's such a cliche story that no one will believe it anyway. I was once prescribed one and everyone thought I was pregnant even though I was just genuinely not allowed to drink!

I would probably just tell her. Or just tell one sister who could help you swap some drinks for non-alcoholic?

Just nurse a drink as much as you can and feign a 'bit of a headache' if they start doing rounds. I managed to get through a few social events in early pregnancy that way.

Why would the antibiotic excuse not work on your mum? Surely as a nurse she would know that the antibiotics you can't drink will make you vomit terribly if you do drink?
My mum would be the first person I would tell (other than DH) if I was pregnant, but I get not everyone is as close or wants to tell anyone, so I would start complaining about toothache, invent a dentist appointment and start fake antibiotics. (dental because it's always my dentist that prescribes the antibiotics you can't drink on).
The excuse doesn't work when people turn up and announce they're on antibiotics but they're obviously completely fine and haven't been unwell at all and are then vague about that's bothering them.
"I have an abscess under my molar, it's killing me!" "oh yes you did mention toothache this week"

Metronidazole is the one you really can’t drink on. It’s given for dental stuff and bacterial vaginosis. You could go with the latter for a ‘really don’t want to talk about it’ slant.

I think you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to hide it. One thing I did when I went to a wedding, was I was the one topping everyone else up, hardly giving myself any, people don’t notice. I would lift my glass and put it to my lips, never took a gulp, I chatted whilst waving the glass around a lot. People are very self absorbed. If you go to the bar, get yourself a tonic water and everyone else a G&T, I’d regularly tell the bar man to make it look like the others, same glass, slice of lemon. When a waiter clears the table, say, that one’s dead and hand yours over. If you’re crafty, you’ll get away with it.

Holding onto a glass of wine might do the trick. Pretend to sip it, but don’t. I hid a pregnancy on my wedding, I only filled my own glass half to begin with and everyone was too busy to notice, so it looked as I had drunk some. Then, whenever someone offered me a top up, I said “no thanks, I still have some left”. Get something that looks like a G&T at the bar to drink instead.
Or alternatively, you might just tell her, your could say something like “it’s too early to tell, but I can’t drink tonight because I could be pregnant”.

Don't do the antibiotics thing, honestly, she'll guess.

I agree - tell mum in advance you're off the wine as trying to conceive but you can be the driver so it's all good!

I would just tell her, I didn’t tell many people that early but did tell my mum and one best friend who had recently given birth. I felt so awful in the first 12 weeks I was grateful for their support and it was nice to be able to talk about pregnancy symptoms with someone other than my DH!

Just tell her. This cloak and dagger is ridiculous. There are only 4 of you, ask them to respect your privacy. They will guess any way.

Either get one glass and just make it last the night or say you fancy spirits not wine and just ask for cola or lemonade or whatever but ask for it in a tall glass so it looks like a vodka & coke. Once everyone is a drink or two in nobody will notice what you're drinking.