2 under 2- good or bad idea?! 😂

[Hjudge56]

Hi!
My partner and I have a DD who is 7.5 months. It’s been a tough ride that’s for sure but definitely getting easier now!

We keep saying we’d like to have a second baby and not have a big gap as we both feel like we’d rather get through the tough baby period over a couple years and then get our lives back haha! Recently we’ve just naturally not been as ‘careful’ when having sex so it’s starting to feel a bit real now that it could actually happen. We’re not actively trying but I’m now second guessing if 2 under 2 is a good idea?!? I guess it also sounds terrifying to me!

I would love to hear from any mums who have had 2 under 2 and could share some insight on how they found it and if it was a good idea in the end haha! I’m 27 and guess I’m leaning towards wanting to get my life back a bit by the time I’m 30-31… let me know your thoughts

I had my first two 21 months apart and although tough at the beginning, we are reaping the benefits now, a couple of years on!

To add, our second child was a little difficult due to a medical issue (nothing too major, but it meant that he was pretty miserable for the first few months). Our first made parenting seem easy. I guess it all depends on your children's personalities and/or any unexpected difficulties you may face along the way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - it's hard to know how you'll find it all until it's too late... by which point you will manage, and hopefully even enjoy it!

Mine seems 18 months apart and I think it's a great gap. They've always been good friends, the chaos of the early years was all done together, and now life is a lot easier (they're 5 and 6)

19 month age gap, Absolutely love it.

Mine are 18 months apart. At times, I found it incredibly difficult. Both had reflux until they were two, and my husband works shift work and long hours, so that obviously made it harder.

But they are 4 and 5 now, and it’s brilliant. They are the best of friends and have the same friends and interests.

You will feel like you’re going to lose your mind at times, but it passes :)

It’s a positive if you literally just want to get through the baby stage and has benefits in that they are likely they will be into the same things. However, due to research suggesting that the first 1000 days of a child’s life are the most important for development…I avoided it.

At that vital age, we wanted to give DC1 our full attention rather than having to divide and conquer.

People can say ‘pop baby in a sling’ all they like but it is impossible to give your toddler the same level of attention once a baby is here. Not to mention the lacklustre parenting you’ll be doing if you’re hit with awful morning sickness.

My personal opinion. You don’t have to agree. For many, the benefits outweigh the negatives.

I had two within 21 minutes and 3 within 18 months. I love it.
I can’t imagine how it works for family outings or holidays when there is a big age gap - very different needs and interests. Mine all went to Beavers, Cubs, swimming etc together making it easier logistically and they always had a supportive face there.

Another 18 month age gap here 👋I currently have a 2 year old and a 9month old.

It has its hard days and easier days. Their bond is absolutely beautiful though wouldn't change it for the world.

I am absolutely in the thick of it right now and I'm sure in a few years I'll feel like it's wonderful to have such a gap and they'll be great friends! But right now I have a 25 month old and a 9 month old and life is very very very hard the majority of the time.

I think it really depends on lots of factors though. I'm breastfeeding both and co sleep with both, which makes them very reliant on me for sleep and therefore limits my support options and freedom. I think it's probably easier without those extra challenges.

There are some wonderful parts of it all the same, and I adore them both, but if I knew in advance what it would be like I would've definitely had a slightly bigger gap (not that I made a choice, ds was a huge surprise!!).

Wishing you the best whatever you choose 😊

I had a 17 month gap, I'm not going to lie sometimes it was difficult but they are now so close it's lovely it was definitely worth it.

I would hate it. I’ve nannied for families with a small age gap and the parents just seem so stressed all the time and like they’re not enjoying it at all. Whilst I’m sure it’s nice when they’re a bit older, for me and DH we’re definitely waiting until DS is at least 3, and knows not to run into a road and whatnot before having a second. My DS is almost 2 and I love giving him my full attention, I couldn’t imagine having to split that attention just yet.

My brother and I have 5 years between us and we’re always close growing up, but also meant there was very little rivalry as we were at such different stage’s developmentally.

But of course it’s different for everyone and for some they love it/it’s what works best for them!

Honestly i loved it, and i have quite "difficult" kids, but i do enioy chaos and sort of thrive off that sort of situation.

Mine are best friends, although warning - they will gang up against you haha. Mine are 4 and 5 although 2 school years which i may regret when i have 1x A level and 1 x GCSE!

I also had a 21 age gap, the first year was full on but then it got a lot easier. I did have brilliant sleepers which helped. I found doing activities, holidays and days out really easy with the small age gap and always enjoyed school holidays.
I liked having them doing exams at similar times and I had 2 at uni for 2 years.

@lairyfights9 ah least it's not just me we're are at the exact same stage and I currently am co-sleeping with two as well.

Anything to get some eye shut aye 😂

15 month age gap here 😬 it's a bit of a blur for the first couple of years but I wouldn't have it any other way now

Had a 19m age gap and then another 23m age gap.
It was hard work. Got little sleep.
Now they are 20, 19 and 17 and have always been so very close. They all wanted to do the same stuff at the same time.
I have to say the exam years have been hell. This is our first year off exams or the hell of cancelled exams) for 4 years, and then DD does her A levels next year.
Eldest 2 (DS) at uni and Dd misses them like crazy
And btw you won't get you life back...for about 18 years.

Oh and last year with DS2 doing A levels and DD GCSEs was a little stressful, although we had an amazing long summer!

I've got twins, so not quite the same, but would say it's harder when they're babies and then you really reap the rewards as they get older. For example activities and days out are so much easier when they're close in age. Even though my two have very different interests and do some different activities, they also do a lot activities together. Holidays and days out are so easy, as no one is getting dragged along to something that's not suitable for their age.

I had two 16mths apart x have always been glad I did, even when they were tiny. Now 25 and 26, they've enjoyed each other 90% of that time!

I had my second last month. There is a 20 month age gap between them. I get a lot of support from family. Would I recommend it?
No! I am really stressed out. I really hope it gets better. Having a toddler means I do not catch up on sleep during the day making the nights really difficult. Longing for the day I can get a 3hr stretch of undisturbed sleep.

Maybe when they are older I will love the gap. But right now, no.

18n months between mine and I wouldn't change it. Although the eldest is a good sleeper and if I had had the youngest first I probably would have waited a little bit longer.

yes some days are hard. sometimes they gang up on me. I can count on one hand the number of times they have had a nap at the same time (not including the car)... but youngest is 11 months and I'm back at work and I wouldn't describe myself as stressed out at all.

i know some people want a larger gap so to give their one child their full attention... personally I don't buy into this. each has one on one time... but they are learning from a young age how to interact and share their lives, my toddler is kinder and gentler for being a big brother because that is what he has had to learn. my baby I think is bolder and more independent for it. I also dont buy into the whole 'mum guilt thing' so I am perhaps more hard hearted than many.

it really is a personal choice and there is no right and wrong.

there is a good fb '2 under 2' group you should check out.

17 month age gap. They are now 30 and 31. I had hyperemesis and had to have the second before the first was going to playgroup/wanting to be very active outside the house. I could never have got the older one to school if I'd left a bigger gap as I just vomited and vomited and vomited. I was 27 and 28 when they were born. It was made harder as I became a single parent when they were 3 and 2 but it got easier. They live near to each other ( and me) and are very close.

* sorry I thought I was on my post but wasn’t so you can ignore this idk how to delete it * 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’ll deffo check out the page thank you!!
I have noticed a few saying baby 1 needs all your attention first.. but I feel like that’s more likely to cause jealousy because he’s old enough to understand the attentions been divided? Also my delulu brains telling me I’ll able to manage playing with them both but that’s basing it off my first born who just slept allllll the time until around 3 months old 😂 & he’s super independent.

the negatives presented on this posting isn’t really swerving me, I think the benefits just out way it soo much more.. will I regret that? Maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Chaos but beautiful chaos! Some hard times at the start but that's because I kept trying to put the baby down so I could focus on the toddler, in hindsight I'd just stick him in his sling and get on with it! Absolutely zero regrets, they're best mates and it's absolutely ideal having them one school year apart.