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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How to stop catastrophosing older pregnancy

37 replies

Sheepsheeps · 08/03/2024 14:37

Hi everyone,

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and am absolutely terrified something is going to go wrong. It's got me so worried I haven't told a single family member or friend yet through fear of jinxing it.
I'm in my early 40s and this is my first pregnancy and all I seem to read and hear about are things going wrong. It's made me absolutely terrified.
This is an IVF pregnancy so apparently that makes me even more high risk of complications such as placental failure in the later stages.
This hasn't been helped by the fact that I'm now consultant lead as I'm classed as 'high risk' because of my age, a low lying placenta and it being IVF.
I've been told to be prepared for a c-section regardless as it's likely despite no real complications so far.
I just don't feel as though I'm being allowed to enjoy my pregnancy as it just seems doomed from start to finish.
Please only positive stories to help me feel a little better about being old, high risk and past my prime 🙈🙈

OP posts:

AlltheFs · 08/03/2024 17:02

IdaGlossop · 08/03/2024 16:39

Another positive anecdote to encourage you OP. I had my daughter at 42, my only child and loved and adored from the moment we met. My pregnancy was trouble-free and the labour 14 hours, with an epidural and forceps delivery. The 'aging prima gravida, high risk' attitude of the medics early in the pregnancy irritated and worried me as I had had a miscarriage the year before getting pregnant with DD. The irritation came from the feeling that the starting point for my care was risk based on data, rather than me as an individual. No-one asked me and DP what we would do if an amniocentesis indicated Downs (I declined an amniocentesis because of the miscarriage risk; had we had the amniocentesis and Downs been indicated, we would have gone ahead with the pregnancy). The option of a nuchal measuring scan, which I had to go private for, was mentioned almost as an afterthought.

Two things changed my attitude to a positive one. First, I paid for a nuchal measuring scan, which changed the Downs syndrome risk from 1/49 based on maternal age to 1/690 based on foetal measurements. Second, at six months, I had to sit for a couple of hours drinking a vile orange liquid to test for diabetes. All the other pregnant women there that morning were teenagers/in their 20s, very overweight and smoking. I told myself that I refused to believe I or my baby were more at risk than them as I had never been overweight and was an ex-smoker.

At 17 weeks, your pregnancy is established. Would it help you to think about the life growing inside you as a way of steering you away from understandably anxious thoughts?

Nonsense like this spouted about GD really boils my piss. Please don’t, it’s offensive.

kiwiane · 08/03/2024 17:08

Maybe it’s time to embrace your pregnancy and let people know and be happy for you?
What about finding a pregnancy yoga or swimming class or book NCT classes with your partner.
Everything is going well and worrying is preventing you from enjoying this change in your life. Best wishes for a trouble free pregnancy and birth; you have so much to look forward to!

IdaGlossop · 08/03/2024 17:12

@AlltheFs the tone of your comment is offensive. Please explain what you find offensive about my post and what the abbreviation GD means.

NewYearNewJob2024 · 08/03/2024 17:15

Hi OP, whilst you can't change the stats...I always think that you get easy pregnancies at all ages and complicated pregnancies at all ages.
So just be mindful of the the eventualities but try not to focus on them (and I'm a fine one talking as I was constantly worrying about things too and I know I will if I get pregnant again - late thirties!)

Nearlythere80 · 08/03/2024 18:06

Your risk of complications is higher, that is a fact, but they are still small. You've made it to 17 weeks, this is looking very viable, and you are having all the right care to end up with a healthy baby. I'm 45 and had a baby at 38 weeks by c section and he is a joy after years of ivf. I had gestational diabetes and hypertension and extra monitoring, and yes i was worried but i trusted the professionals advice and here he is.

Canthave2manycats · 08/03/2024 18:23

I had my third baby aged 40 following 2 miscarriages. Fine strapping young man at uni now.

soupycustard · 08/03/2024 18:36

Statistics are always made to sound negative because as humans we're focused on risk. But as PP said, a 10% risk means a 90% success rate!
You always hear negative stuff because, horribly, those are the 'stories' that make the headlines. And also the stories that those who've suffered need to share. You don't hear the good news stories because those people are just living their lives (and probably exhausted by sleepless nights!!!)
It's only anecdata so kind of meaningless but to give you some positives: I know loads of people who've had babies over 40. I wasn't particularly old in my cohort having a baby at 38 and there was only one who was under 35. Many were 41 or 42. One friend had an IVF baby at 49!

annlee3817 · 08/03/2024 19:00

Another anecdote for you, had my healthy DD at 41, she's now 18 months and running rings around us. She was my second, and the pregnancy with her was much better than with DD1, induced with DD2 due to age and other factors, I think that was the only downside for me .

Jandob · 08/03/2024 19:12

Had my last at 40. Just take care of yourself. You obviously want this baby so do what you need to to keep you and baby well.

JRTfan · 08/03/2024 19:44

I am 40 and 25 weeks with 1st baby via IVF..I've had a different experience with medical professionals. None of them have been at all fazed by my age, I'm consultant led and will have extra growth scans but that's just box ticking and I'm happy they are extra thorough. There are extra risks in your 40s but I think a lot of that comes because women in their 40s are more likely to have other health problems, if you are fit and healthy then there is no reason to believe you will have any issues. I haven't been told I will have a C section just that they will discuss induction if I go overdue.

Hopeful16 · 09/03/2024 07:11

@Sheepsheeps I have 2 IVF babies - well they're now 5 & 7) and loved being under consultant care as it meant more scans and more chances to see them.
I was 41 and 43 respectively when I had them. With any pregnancy you just need to take things day by day and look after yourself and your baby. Rest well and enjoy it.
I think the reluctance to announce is part of the IVF-ness as it 'makes it real' and I found it really hard to tell people. Just do what comes naturally to you- this is your journey.
Best of luck and enjoy every moment as it goes soooooooo fast!

PoppingTomorrow · 09/03/2024 07:17

Look up circles of influence circles of control and apply that.

Every day think of 3 things you're grateful for.

You can choose to live in the moment and enjoy your pregnancy.

I just had my baby (admittedly not IVF but early 40s and anxious after previous losses). 1st trimester dragged but 2nd and 3rd I felt physically fine and wish I'd revelled in it more.

Also don't put off getting stuff organised for the baby out of anxiety (but don't agonise over it either. There is no perfect set of kit.) And start reading about postnatal and feeding.

Practice visualisation (of a healthy baby. Healthy pregnancy)

Before you know it you won't be pregnant any more and you'll be glad you practised living in the moment when you have your lovely baby in your arms.

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