Feel awful..

[LER2023]

I keep posting as i feel like i get more answers from here than anywhere else. So heres another one i need advice about.

So since i found out about my pregnancy; ive been extremely exhausted, nauseated, and just overall run down with no energy.

This is taking a toll on my relationship it seems. I come home from work and im shattered, me and my OH arent really spending time together because i just sleep a lot, we arent dtd frequently like before and i think its making him feel like hes not good enough.

Is there anything i can do?

Tell OH you're growing a human, of course you're tired. It's totally normal, really don't worry about it. It's going to change your relationship a whole lot more once baby arrives. Hopefully you will feel better in second trimester.

Hey, this is SO normal (unfortunately). There isn't much you can do except ride it out. DTD was well out of the question for me in the first trimester. It was all I could do to get through the day and try not to vomit!
Encourage your husband to do some reading about pregnancy, nausea and tiredness. He doesn't need to take it personally at all, this is just a tough phase and you'll feel better eventually. He needs to make sure he is looking after you while you feel like this, your needs come first.
Hopefully your nausea will lift between 10-16 weeks xxx

Do not feel guilty about not feeling up to it!! That was the absolute last thing on my mind, and your DP will have to get used to the fact that there are going to be many more dry patches over the next year. Explain the situation to your partner, trust that you’ll more than likely feel great in the second trimester, and get that sleep while you can!

Also, I felt super rough too from 5 weeks, but now I’m at 10 weeks and the nausea and fatigue is lifting, so hold on in there!

It's really normal but it also sounds like you should speak with the doctor/midwife just to make sure you're not anaemic and everything is ok.

Thank you everyone. I'll have to speak to him tonight and just tell him we have a few more weeks and i'll be less tired and less nauseous😅 8 weeks and 3 days today and i just feel dead🤢🥱

But maybe also remind him that you will have a baby in 7 months time. He can't expect everything to stay the same.

From experience this tiredness will lift after 2 months. The first 3 months of pregnancy is when baby's major organs all firmed. Rest and don't feel guilty about it

@LER2023 DH and I DTD for the first time since our BFP last night... I'm 17+3! Between exhaustion and anxiety after previous losses and some bleeds, it was honestly the last thing on my mind! Even though DH has been extremely supportive and kind throughout and not mentioned it, I know it's taken a bit of a toll on him and has left him feeling a bit disconnected at times.

As PPs have said, this is all extremely normal and also a good practice run for things changing when Baby arrives. It is good though to want to keep an eye on your relationship and invest in it in ways that you can. Get the sleep etc you need but maybe during this phase you could find other ways to connect. You could write a silly/affectionate note and have it ready to hand to him when you get home before you go to sleep, or buy a nice ready meal/takeaway that will involve minimal effort for you but you can fashion a kind of date night from for the weekend. Just little things so he doesn't feel forgotten. But he also needs to realise what a massive thing you're doing and that, in the nicest possible way, it's not all about him! X

This is taking a toll on my relationship it seems. I come home from work and im shattered, me and my OH arent really spending time together because i just sleep a lot, we arent dtd frequently like before and i think its making him feel like hes not good enough.

This is par for the course in the first trimester. I just don’t understand why you’re feeling guilty about it and worrying that it’s going to ruin your relationship? Is your husband really so fragile you think he feels bad about himself - all because you’re tired in the evenings and don’t want to shag him?

He needs to adjust his expectations as the pregnancy goes on, otherwise he’s going to have a rude awakening when the baby is born.

You should feel better in a few weeks. 2nd trimester is fairly gentle.

In terms of your partner and dtd, hmmm. Just be honest with him and have a conversation about it, explain how you feel. There are other ways you can show your affection until you feel more in the mood.

Not to put a dampener but it might not just be a few weeks. I’m second trimester now and have had a headache for a week that I just can’t sleep off.

He needs to learn not to take it personally. Pregnancy can make you feel properly ill and it differs person to person.

I’m 22 weeks and only dtd for the first time at 20 weeks since being pregnant. My nausea lasted till 16 weeks and I’m still exhausted, I didn’t get that second trimester burst of energy that I had heard so much about, and honestly it’s been the last thing I’ve felt like doing.

I still fall asleep at 8pm on the sofa as my pregnancy insomnia has me up from 3/4am, but my DP is doing everything he can to make my life easier for me, I couldn’t appreciate him more.

With all due respect he should be understanding of how you are feeling, he can’t expect life to carry on as usual now.

I know how you feel op, I also worry that me being such a zombie is going to have an effect on my relationship with DH but at 14 weeks pregnant (and three other kids to look after 😅) DTD has been the last thing I've wanted to do. I don't think a decent partner would want you to force yourself to do anything you didn't feel up to or want to do, and don't feel guilty at all, would you expect DP to want sex if the roles were reversed and he felt nauseous and awful? Like a pp said, spend time together doing other things that you'll both enjoy to show eachother you still care

I’m currently 11 weeks, and the only thing I would add that hasn’t already been said is that before I got pregnant, I had no idea how awful it would make me feel all the time. I knew that I’d probably get sick, but I thought it would be something that made me feel rubbish at the time but then I’d be ok for the rest of the day. I had no clue that when I wasn’t throwing up, I’d still feel nauseous all the time, or that I’d be so tired (I thought that came at the end!) or that my skin would sometimes feel so uncomfortable I’d want to crawl out of it. I reasoned that if I as a woman had no concept of how this would feel (despite having known plenty of pregnant people), then how on earth could I have expected my husband to get it?

I got us some “his n hers” reading material - a book for me about pregnancy, and a book for him about being an expectant dad. I’ve actually found him reading mine more often than his 😂. I know he still doesn’t 100% understand, but he is so good at asking me questions now, which really helps me feel heard and hopefully helps him feel involved. I also make sure I tell him the good things, like what the baby is growing this week, and things like that.

You’ll be ok, OP - it’s just the weirdest time!