TFMR - what to expect, how to prepare, afterwards

[jt130593]

Hi

myself and my partner have made the heartbreaking decision to have a TFMR.

I am booked in next week, and I will be 15 weeks at that point.

I just wondered if anyone had any experiences they would be willing to share as I have absolutely no idea what to expect.

Even silly things like what have people taken with them into hospital?

Also, how long did it take for people’s periods to return afterwards? We are keen to try again as soon as possible (please don’t judge this decision, just feel that nothing will make me feel better than to be pregnant again)

Thank you

Hey hun,

So sorry to hear what yore going through and no judgement. I had a mmc at 14 weeks last year and the only way I felt I could even survive it was to get pregnant again. I lost baby naturally and medicated in January, it took 5 weeks for the first period post miscarriage bleed and then took me until July to conceive again (was trying the whole time). I'm 35 weeks now with what seems to be a healthy little girl so there is hope for the future x

Hey,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a TFMR at 16 weeks last year.

I had medical management so went into hospital to give birth to my son. The midwives were very compassionate, talked me through it all and asked me questions about how I wanted to handle things (eg would I want to see my son after he's born, how would we want to manage things like a funeral). They also asked me questions more than once in case I changed my mind. If you have surgical management you may not have all of the same options/decisions.

Personally I wanted to hold my son as soon as he was born. The hospital helped me dress him in very small clothes which they provided. Some people prefer not to see the baby and that is absolutely fine.

I took with me just normal overnight things and spare clothes, lots of large sanitary towels and extra pairs of knickers. Also a blanket for the baby.

If you are having a labour induced it can take a while so take things like a book, phone charger etc.

My cycle returned within about 4 weeks I think and we also started trying again straight away.

Once you've had the TFMR is recommend going on the ARC website and requesting to join the forum - it is password protected and only available to parents who have had a TFMR but I've found this very helpful. They've also run a few small events for parents post TFMR which have been invaluable for me as I'm very reluctant to talk about this IRL with people who haven't been through it.

In fact, ARC will probably be very helpful if you phoned them with any questions now.

Please feel free to message me if you have any other questions.

@Ttcmumma
I’m sorry to hear about your loss.
Thank you for sharing your experience, congratulations on your pregnancy. I’m so happy that you got your rainbow baby ❤️ x

@waitingforanotherrainbow
thank you for your reply, and sorry to hear you went through the same thing. It is just heartbreaking isn’t it.
I am also going for the medical option. I feel really nervous about it but I think it’s just the unknown of what to expect in terms of pain etc. how long were you in the hospital for if you don’t mind me asking?
Thank you for the tips about what to take that’s really useful.
It’s also good to know about the options for seeing the baby etc, as it gives me time to think things through now.
Thank you I have heard of arc and have been in touch with them in the lead up to us making this decision.

I hope you get your rainbow baby soon ❤️

It is heartbreaking - one of the worst decisions someone can be asked to make.

I went into hospital in the morning, my son was born around 1pm so he came quite quickly. I could have gone home that evening but decided to stay the night so that I could spend the night with him in our room.

I didn't actually have any pain relief because they told me it might take until the next day for him to be born so I was thinking that I'd wait until further on in the labour. But they should make pain relief available to you if you need it (they kept asking me if I needed any).

The hospital also gave me a memory box with little bits including foot and hand prints, and a little miniature teddy that we left with our son.

I had some counselling afterwards too which the hospital referred me for which might be worth asking about.

(Thank you re our rainbow baby. I did fall pregnant 8 months later but unfortunately had a miscarriage at 10 weeks a few weeks ago so hoping better luck might be on the horizon!)

I hope it all goes as smoothly as it can for you. Look after yourself.

@waitingforanotherrainbow I was wondering about footprints/handprints, didn’t know whether I would have to take something in to do it or if they would offer it. I’ll definitely ask at our first appointment on Tuesday if they offer it as I would really like something like that I think.

They have mentioned about a counselling service and that’s something I’m definitely interested in as at the minute I really don’t know how I’m going to get through it.

So sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage as well. I really hope you are doing as good as you can be ❤️ keeping everything crossed for you!

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I haven't been in your situation but I have had a medically managed mc at 15+ weeks. It was utterly heartbreaking but physically ok in terms of pain etc. Period came back within a few weeks. I took plenty of pads, nice snacks, phone charger.

It's worth thinking about what you would like to do in terms of funeral and what will happen to your little one so that you don't make decisions under pressure. You could have a priest/minister attend if that's important to you.

My baby was so tiny that some of the things they do for bereavement seemed a bit inappropriate- the cold cot was so big and the tiniest clothes were too. I had made a little cloth bag but it felt harsh on baby's skin. I wish I had known then about the water method to preserve baby for a little while- you can look it up but be prepared as there are pictures.

There's no right way, only what feels the best way through for you.

@hellotreeshellosky thank you for taking the time to reply. I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ how long were you in the hospital for if you don’t mind me asking? This is my first pregnancy so I think the unknown of the labour being induced, what it will feel like etc is causing me a lot of anxiety.

We’ll definitely have a think about what we want afterwards, I don’t want to make any rash decisions in the moment and regret things so glad I’ll now have a bit of time to think things over.

It felt like strong period pains for me and they will give you pain relief. I didn't need much but there was plenty available if I'd wanted it. I was in overnight because the placenta didn't come away and had to be removed in theatre. If it wasn't for that I would have gone home the same day.