TW worried about this possible situation

[redddssak]

so im nearly 26 weeks now and worrying bout this more and more

obviously at my booking appointment they asked my history with pregnancy
and please dont judge but I had 2 termination when I was younger (I know I dont need to hear about how horrible of a person ia m)

however every appointment I have if I see someone new they mention how this is my 3rd pregnancy but 1st time carrying on with it

problem is my mother is my birthing partner and im really scared this sentence will come up and shell be shocked as she doesn't know/ is anti abortion
I need to ask my midwife. if its possible to erase this from my history but dont think thats possible as its on my general health notes anyway not just pregnancy notes
im really scared about this happening and feel like giving birth alone just so I dont need to worry about this possibly coming up infront of her

Could you ask about this next time you attend an appointment?

No one here will judge you at all. Can you discuss them not disclosing that to her? Is she definitely who you want as a birthing partner?

Hi, I really don't think this is likely to come up during labour and birth. It's perhaps been more relevant antenatally, as its been about experiencing pregnancy but I can't see why that would come up during birth, it will be the first time you are experiencing that!

What I would do: ask for it to be noted that you no longer wish to have your previous pregnancies mentioned unless medically relevant. If you absolutely want to avoid the possibility, there is very likely to be a time during your labour where mum is out the room (filling up water, getting herself food etc) where you can mention it to whoever midwife you have. I genuinely don't think it will come up though.

One thing to consider, you must be close to your mother and feel she is a supportive and safe person if she's going to be a birth partner (which is awesome). I wonder if maybe she wouldn't react in the way you are fearing? If its something causing you a huge amount of anxiety, you might feel some relief from facing it head on (not that I think you should, you should not feel ashamed or feel you need to share it with her). I just hate the idea of you going into an already potentially stressful situation (birth!) with this causing such worry!

Honesty is the best policy. If she is a true friend then she should understand

there's 100% no way I will ever tell her, I cant for many reasons ill have a chat with my midwfie next month when I see her

Speak to your midwife and they will enter that this should be treated confidentially. This is really common and not a problem at all. You absolutely have a right to confidentiality and your midwife will be able to ensure that for you.

Firstly you're NOT a horrible person.

Secondly speak to your midwife and as PP has said, ask for your notes to be updated. I had a termination ten years ago which was mentioned once at my booking appointment and never mentioned again, so there's really no need for it to keep coming up.

thanks guys, yeah I dont know why they keep mentioning it like who wants to hear about that when theyre going though a pregnancy talk about guilt

Absolutely ask that it is on your notes discreetly and you do not wish your birthing partner to be made aware. My notes say 0+2 which means nothing to anyone except the medical team (and me).

The OP is absolutely within her rights to keep the personal medical choices she has made in the past private.

@jolies1 yeah of course she does. It’s just that she asked for peoples opinions so I gave mine 👍🏼