Hand hold / face slap!!

[hicketypickety]

Hi everyone. Not 100% sure what I'm after from this post as realistically I know whatever will be will be...but I think I need some sympathetic tough love!

Context

• I have a almost 7yo DS conceived without any issues and a really straightforward pregnancy.
• Decided to TTC for a second in 2022.
• Sept 2022 early miscarriage at six weeks
• April 2023 diagnosed with a complete molar pregnancy at 8 week reassurance scan
• December 2023 signed off by molar pregnancy specialist to try again
• Jan 2024 positive test but early miscarriage / chemical at 5.5weeks

Got a positive ovulation test on 18th Feb. Positive pregnancy test on 29th Feb. Currently driving myself mad testing and obsessing over being quite symptom-less (I KNOW this way madness lies) but to be honest I'm struggling with trusting the process... so would like objective views on being pregnant after multiple losses and how you coped I guess?

Thanks in advance...

Bless you. I can empathise as my daughter was conceived 2 years after a miscarriage. I spent soooo much money on private scans which would only reassure me for an hour if that. But nothing anyone said could really calm me. Though now I’ve had her, in hindsight, I wish I’d chilled out a bit and let myself enjoy my pregnancy. What’s meant to be will be 🤞🏾try to distract yourself as much as possible. Spend as much time with your first born as possible because soon you’ll have to divide your time, good luck!

I was under a fertility consultant so they gave me scans at 6, 8 and 9 weeks. I got an NIPT at 10 weeks and then went private with a consultant obstetrician who would have scanned me weekly but I drew the line at every fortnight. I really didn’t dare to believe it would happen (after 7 miscarriages) until 20 weeks and even then I was living for 27 weeks and potential viability.

I really wish I could have gone back to the first time I got a positive pregnancy test and just looked forward to the pregnancy with the sureness and nativity of someone who has never experienced pregnancy loss.

Long answer short, there’s no easy way to navigate this, just try to stay in the moment.

Congratulations. I think it's only natural to be worried in your position. If anything, I would try and schedule yourself time/s in the day for worrying, so that you can try and forget about it the rest of the time and not let it constantly consume you and stress you out, if that makes sense. So when you can't concentrate because you start thinking about it, you can tell yourself "that's a 6.30pm-6.45pm problem" and can try and box it off and give yourself some space. I wish you all the best, stay strong. xx

Counselling, reflexology and private scans got me through. Honestly i think with most of that it was about building up a network of people that I could let off steam to. And there was allot of steam. Also when I had an especially tough time with anxiety it helped to distance myself from the pregnancy a bit-making time for totally non baby things and trying to live in the moment. Accepting that pregnancy after loss is a bit shit and not mourning too much for the innocence of last time. It's ok not to feel positive all of the time.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it.

I think counselling is a good idea regardless and I can access it through the molar pregnancy clinic I was referred to I think so I will look into that.

I like the idea of carving out "worry time" so it doesn't impact my all day every day and allows me to live in the moment a bit more. My son and husband always laugh at me as they have such positive dispositions and I'm a bit "glass half full" compared to them, my mum says I've always been one of life's worriers. So perhaps recognising that and the fact I'm unlikely to be able to change my whole personality - limiting it to set times will be a good thing.

Lastly thank you all for your personal experiences - it at least gives me comfort I'm not alone and it's normal to feel like this (however crap and unfair or feels). I completely resonate with the poster that said they wish they could look on their pregnancy with the eyes of someone who'd never been touched by loss.

@hicketypickety sending you a hand hold! I'm 17wks today after three losses last year - a MMC in April at 11+4, a CP early Sept and a MC/pregnancy of unknown location end of Oct at 7wks. We were planning a break over Christmas awaiting a referral to the fertility consultant and I got a surprise BFP a month I wasn't tracking/trying. I'm just beginning to relax into it and believe it a bit more. The first trimester was particularly tough. I was offered several reassurance scans etc and was so nervous before each one. Definitely definitely resonate with missing that naive innocence and optimism of pregnancy pre-loss.

I've just been as gentle with myself as possible, celebrated the milestones, been as mindful as possible, living in the moment and trying to celebrate the pregnancy while I had no reason not to. I've tried to be fatalistic - as you said, what will be, will be... And although that's no comfort, it did help me to accept that wheels are already in motion and if this little one is meant to be my rainbow it will keep going well, and if they're not, it won't. Not to say I won't be completely devastated if something goes wrong again but I'm trying not to borrow worry without reason. I know I will cope ultimately with what life throws at me, because before last year I wouldn't have thought I would cope so well with losing three pregnancies. Yet here I am. So... Che sera, sera.

Wishing you all the best! This is a new pregnancy and every chance of a different ending this time 💕🙏🏼🌈

P.S. I've had minimal symptoms this time! That definitely added to my worry in the early weeks! I've had no nausea/sickness, and the fatigue only really kicked in around 11wks. My main symptoms were heavy/achy boobs and gassiness. In my first pregnancy (resulted in my DS) - my nausea kicked in at 7wks and I think that's quite common so you may still get some but if you don't, it's not necessarily a bad sign! 💕

@SnookyPook thank you so much for your experiences too - good to hear you've had minimal symptoms yet everything is progressing well!

I'm still testing every day (I know, I know) and my husband is baffled as to how such a (usually) direct and rational person has turned into someone who is looking for signs and omens everywhere - the sight of a single magpie sends me into a blind panic at the moment but I have been working on focusing on the positives (I am pregnant with no reason to believe anything is going wrong) and doing breathing exercises. Now to work on anxiety over going to the loo. I am hoping counselling can help me order some of my thoughts...

Thank you all very much - I appreciate it's not easy talking about your experiences. I have found it really helpful to know you're not alone. All my friendship group is full of people that decided they wanted to get pregnant then bam there it was and textbook pregnancy.