Should I have a second baby at 40/41?

[MsMT]

Our story is a bit of a complex one. We need to do IVF in order to conceive. We were very lucky as we had our daughter from our first round when I was 37. But for our second, we have had 3 failed rounds so far.Im now 40 and I wonder if I should keep trying. If we keep trying and are successful on our next round, I’ll be 41 by the time I give birth.
I worry about the following:

• risks to me and baby
• my body feeling old and how will it recover
• the mental space needed to manage a baby and a 3.5 year old
• the sleep deprivation

I guess I’d really like to hear from mothers who have had a second baby at 40/41 and your experience.

Had DD1 at 34 and we were one and done, it was a complicated stressful pregnancy, she was a terrible sleeper and so we decided that we weren't going to have anymore. When we turned 40 my DH started showing an interest in having a second, and after some lengthy discussions we decided to go for it. I fell pregnant and DD2 was born just after my 41st birthday. We had the NIPT test done privately to check for chromosomal issues, I keep telling myself that I'm feeling my age more this time, but wouldn't change anything. Pregnancy wise, apart from the first trimester horrendous nausea, it was a really good pregnancy compared to my first.

Hi I had first baby at 25 - easy pregnancy - c section as breech baby .she was born profoundly deaf - genetic. No other issues - 17 now has a cochlear implant and in Sixth Form.

2nd pregnancy was a lovely surprise for me and my hubby when I was 40. 12week scan picked up high NT and due to my age 🙄 and previous baby being deaf they went to town with me and it was a bit scary until about 20 weeks with various diagnoses being suspected/ then discounted ... however physically I felt great! maybe a little bit more tired than first but I had a busy job and home life. C section recovery was actually quicker than the previous one and I feel younger and fitter for having this amazing (now toddler) in my life. She has a few very minor health issues but developing normally and loving life ! Although I have a teenager I still feel young enough to have toddler ... although I might feel differently once this one hits teens 🤣 I say go for it, having dd2 feels like a lottery win for me I can't believe I've been so lucky to have her too ! Good luck x

Had my second at 41. Found the first time round incredibly difficult. Had post natal depression, baby had colic, etc. I found the second time round to be a walk in the park in comparison. It was actually very healing to have a second, which I didn’t expect. I also realised I was carrying a lot of guilt for not giving my first a sibling. I feel much more whole now. I had my first at 35 and the tiredness then was a hundred times worse than it was second time round. I’m so so glad I did it.

1st at 30. Easy pregnancy, tricky baby. Was zombiefied for a good few years!

2nd at 39. Pregnancy was much harder, was v tired and sore from 4 months but everything after that was far easier the second time around. Once baby arrived I was more confident and less tired and had more energy. Dreading the teen years though!

I’m having my 2nd age 46 - not planned this way - after years of secondary infertility this was a complete (and lovely) surprise. I actually feel fine, I think the key thing for me is I’m in better physical shape that I was with DS, also I’m not commuting everyday which was a really killer.

Every woman is different though, so you could absolutely breeze through a pregnancy in your 40s. Good luck with whatever you decide :)

I am 40 and 22 weeks pregnant with my 1st finally via IVF after 12 years of TTC and failed treatments. I feel great, have had no symptoms throughout in fact I have more energy and feel better than I did before I was pregnant. I know I'm lucky and not everyone feels this way but being pregnant over 40 isn't necessarily the big struggle people think it will be. I am under a consultant because of my age but they have no concerns so far.