Worried about work’s reaction to pregnancy

[SarahL249]

Hi all,

Would love some honest objective opinions about this if poss as I am feeling quite anxious. Fairly new in my job, been there 8 months. Hired aged 34 and they knew I already had a toddler. It’s a great job with a VERY good maternity package (which the company are very vocal about). I have fallen pregnant quickly with our second and whilst still early days we are so happy and feeling very grateful to not have to go through the turmoil of trying for a long time when we know so many couples struggling. Obviously no idea how this will go so keeping a level head.

If this pregnancy goes well I will have been in role 15/16 months when I go off on leave. I would ideally take just under a year off, say 10 months would be my ideal.

My new (female) boss is amazing - honestly one of the most smart, kind, empathetic people I’ve met. She doesn’t have a partner or kids herself and is late 30s early 40s.

Whilst I know logically people would maybe expect women in their mid 30s to want to grow their family, and they take that risk when they hire them, I am suddenly feeling so guilty that I have somehow let my boss and team down by going off on Mat leave after just over a year.

I have made really good headway in the last 8 months and have worked hard and am delivering good work, but I can’t help but think it’s going to look like a pre planned scheme to get this new job and then exploit their maternity policy.

My boss was taking me through my projects for next year and as I am still too early to tell anyone I was just nodding along but feeling so guilty.

if this was a colleague of yours, what would your reaction be to them going off on Mat leave after just over a year? I feel so wary of being judged for this, even though I know deep down I’ve not done anything wrong. I will continue to work really hard and would love to come back to this job after a second baby.

it’s just one of those hard life things where there is never a good time to “plan” to have a baby, and even then you just have no idea how it’s all going to unfold. I’m starting to feel guilty that we didn’t wait a bit longer. But then I think if we had waited longer, what if it didn’t happen for us or took years for us to conceive - would I resent putting it off for my career ?

hoping some wise words could give me a bit of perspective and courage to eventually have this chat with my boss and colleagues. Thanks x

I wouldn't think you orchastrated it. You cant exactly plan pregnancy or when you get pregnant. As you said you feel lucky you got pregnant quickly, it could have also taken a year. You don't exactly have any supernatural control over these things.

If they rave about their maternity policy then out of all companies they are the most likely to be supportive. (Odds are in your favour)

Its hard not to worry, but congratulations x

Congratulations. I wouldn't worry about it. If you feel guilty, just present it as "a lovely surprise " rather than a plan.

The small business where I work has a pretty crappy maternity policy (statutory minimum everything) ... 10 staff... 3 on maternity leave being covered by fixed term hires.

We recently had someone go on mat leave after 6 months in the job. We also previously had someone go after 4 months. In that case she was visibly pregnant at the interview and was hired as the best person for the job, regardless of the pregnancy.

I wouldn't worry about it.

When I was teaching back in the 80s, I transferred from a village school to a school nearer to my home and I was due to start the following term. I decided to try for a baby and everyone said that it could take up to two years to conceive. I became pregnant within a fortnight! I just felt like you do now so I went to visit the new headteacher and explained the situation. She and the deputy head were lovely & said it was my right to take the maternity leave and they would arrange cover. It was a large school and they just accepted the news. I had pre eclampsia and my son was born a month premature so I ended up taking just one term off and returned to school after the Easter holidays when my son was just two months old. All you can do at this moment in time is be honest with your manager / team and look after yourself.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. You're in a company with great people who flag up a maternity policy they are proud of and hired you in your prime fertile years knowing you already have a small child. I don't think anyone will be particularly surprised by your news tbh! And even if they were, and even if anyone thought anything negative, it's none of their damn business. I know it's hard and I used to feel a bit like you with the guilt etc... but tbh, nothing is more important than family. And no-one (well, maybe a few people but generally...) Is irreplaceable at work. After three pregnancy losses last year, I've finally made it to 2nd trimester with current pregnancy and all being well, if I get to Mat Leave stage I am going to bloomin' enjoy it!! My work place are lovely and have just told my colleagues due to big projects and plans for next year being made etc .. they are all over the moon for me knowing a bit of what we went through last year.

Most other people love their families too and get the value of kids. The ones who don't you can't really do anything about. But honestly, your job sounds great and you sound like a good employee. I'm sure they'll be happy for you 😊

I wouldn't even be giving it a second thought. My job comes second to my family.

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy.

It really doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about - you work for an organisation that is clearly very proud of its support for working mothers, and it sounds like you have a very supportive and kind manager. If you're doing well at the job and they want you to come back after your mat leave then it's in their interests to support you - they only have to cover your role for a few months, which isn't long compared with the time you will already have been working for them by the time you go, plus the potential future years of good quality work they will get from you when you come back. Don't worry about it - tell your manager at the earliest point where you feel comfortable to do so, then there's plenty of time for her to plan how your role will be covered and for you to complete things or hand them over before you go.

Congratulations!

Please try not to worry. I’ve been with my employer for just over a year, and received a promotion at Christmas that started in January.

Because they didn’t have anyone to replace me at my original level yet, they asked if I’d be prepared to effectively work both jobs until a replacement could be hired. I enthusiastically agreed (with a time limit of 6 months, after which I would only work my new role regardless of whether they’d managed to recruit).

1 week after starting the dual role, I found out I was pregnant. I’ve been so sick that I’ve actually hardly been able to work at all, and let them know straight away. Even when I’m there I’m next to useless. It’s been a hard adjustment for me because I’m used to working hard and doing well, and was fully intending to work both roles, but circumstance has intervened and they have had to find ways around it.

I have no idea if they’re annoyed with me - all my contact about it is through my direct line manager and HR, both of whom are only being supportive to my face (because they know they need to minimise my stress levels).

I guess my point is - this is the situation. I didn’t intend to fall pregnant immediately after getting promoted, just as you didn’t intend to fall pregnant 8 months into a new job. But this is the situation and we all just have to deal with it.

My advice would be to let them know as soon as you can - I have a colleague who I know is more pregnant than me and hasn’t told them yet, and they’re constantly on her back about absence and poor quality of work. Whereas I’m completely protected because they know.

As a manager, I would appreciate being told as early as possible 1. So I could support you with sickness and attending appointments and 2. So I could plan projects that will go on for more than 6 months and take your probable unavailability into account 3. So I can congratulate you!

I wouldn't even think twice if someone told me this. A year is fine. I'd tell your boss early so they know and can support if you are feeling unwell, and in the worst case scenario. Just ask they don't tell anyone else for now.

I am a manager of 4 and if any of my staff became pregnant I would be nothing but happy for them. Regardless of their length of service! If it caused problems for projects being completed etc that would be my issue to deal with.

Pregnancies can't be planned OP I wouldn't mind. If there are any issues it's the fault of management not the pregnant employee. E.g. if I'm asked to do more work instead of proper 'mat cover' I'd say no.

Thanks everyone for your wise words honesty and encouragement. I really appreciate it and as soon as I (touch wood) get to my 12 week scan and tell my boss I’ll read this thread before the chat x

I’m also in the same boat. I’ve been in my current job for 8 months. It took us longer to get pregnant than what I thought (6 months). I’m now 8 weeks along and told my boss. I’ll be going on maternity leave in April next year so I will be there 1 year and 3 months by then. I’m also the 4th person in the team that is pregnant. I also had feelings of guilt as my boss has been so good and supportive but I’m 33 and recently married so planning a family was what we wanted to do. I’m sure your boss doesn’t think it’s a hidden agenda. At the end of the day it isn’t their business and you’re entitled to plan a family. Congratulations to you