Cheated on, Lied to, Made a Single Mum Overnight

[ex3456]

i’m 23 weeks pregnant and i’ve just found out my boyfriend has cheated on me with his ex. he’s also told me he’s never been in love with me and we’re not going to ever work out as we are just too different and don’t get on (this is news to me). he never wanted me to keep the baby either. he said he is going to be there for his son and for me as a friend. i am just absolutely heartbroken beyond belief i feel like i’ve been living a whole lie and my world and idea of a family has just been crashing down. i feel so guilty for my son that he’s gonna be born into an already broken family living at his grandparents (as i now am going to have to stay with my mum to be able to eventually afford my own place by myself) and i feel so terrible for feeling so depressed as i know he is feeling everything i do. i am just so lost and distraught. does anyone have any tips on managing being so heartbroken beyond words as well as having a baby alone and figuring it out as a single mum.

really just needed some words of wisdom as i really can’t see any hope for the future anymore (which also pains me to say as i should be so grateful i’m having my baby boy)

Didn’t want to read and run op, but you deserve so much better than this and you know what, you are better off without him. Allow yourself grace and time to grieve what could have been, and just focus on you. Do anything you possibly can to be kind to yourself and accept any support you can get. You will be able to get your own place in time and things will fall into place. It’s an awful situation to be in and you need time to get over the shock of it all!!!

Theres nothing you can do about him so try not to dwell on it for too long. You beed to focus on you so you can give the baby the best start in life.

what’s is your career path? Can you take mat leave and stay on track? Are your parents happy to have you living with them.

i’m only young so living with my parents probably is for the best anyway. i’m due to graduate a law degree in summer and had plans of pursuing a career as a solicitor buy unfortunately think that will now be very difficult as a single parent:(

I’m sorry. Sometimes the shittest of things happen but we can look back and see it was the wrong relationship.

Did he say he didn't want to keep the baby when you found out you were pregnant, or just now?

You need to be more determined, not less so. You will have a dependent.

onwards and upwards. Dont give up your dreams at 21. It might take a little longer, but stay on track.

Please don't give up on your legal career. It may be sensible to park it for a while but not forever. There are plenty of firms that train and employ single parents. You can definitely do both but prioritise one step at a time. Baby first but plenty firms will appreciate your tenacity in completing a law degree and being pregnant.

This was me 14 months ago at 34 weeks pregnant.

I'm so so sorry this has happened and your world has crashed down around you. My advice for getting through this is-

• cry as much as you can
• tell all of your support system what's happened people will want to help you
• moving in with your parents is the absolute best thing you can do - I did this 'for a few weeks' and I'm still here year later as it's so great so be with people who love you unconditionally
• you will feel like the only mother in the world that isn't in a 'family' unit - you're not- even on here there are many threads of women who have been in this boat
• this man is not a good guy, in time you will see that he was never good ebough
• counselling - your gp will put you to the front of the queue as youre pregnant
• call in sick to work with stress if you need to
• as much as possible try not to ruminate on why he has done this
• try to still enjoy your pregancy
• you will be better looked after post partum by your parents that this boy
• give baby your surname
• follow single mums from pregnancy on social media more than family celebs
• you dont have to put him on the birth certificate so you can maintain control

Ps you will never be 'friends' with this guy but you can accept support financial and practical but you don't have to think about what that looks like now. You also don't have to have him near you during birth and your first couple of weeks postpartum you should be avoiding stress then. I let my ex come to hospital and come over a lot in the first week and I regret it it was unnecessary stress and got in the way of me establishing breatfeeding

And also don't worry about your careeer right not it's amazing that you'll have finished your degree and you can take a year off and then pick back up there is lots of childcare help available and he will have to pay you child maintenance

Also it's not a broken family you being with your parents! It's a family full of love and support and joy xx

Another thing- you'll feel like you will never meet another man or be in love again- not true- I was shocked by how popular I was when I went on dating apps recently and have been on a few dates with an incredibly lovely man recently- so there is so much hope ahead for love and career and everything ahead for you!

just now, he was really happy at the time

Oh OP I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was the same - just kicked out my baby's father for cheating and lying and I got the same 'we were never happy' spiel that they like to spin to draw a screen over their own appalling behaviour. Block block block. Go no contact with him right away. He is not entitled to go to any of your appointments and he isn't entitled to any information you don't feel comfortable sharing with him. Focus on yourself and your pregnancy. It's great that you're at home with your parents so you have some help and company!

Also sod being a friend with him. Who wants to be friends with a cheater. I only allow minimal contact via email. When he comes to see our child I'll be civil but only discuss the baby. If I hear anything else or any attempts at banter I ignore it. Or tell him to email it to me, and then ignore it!

You will get through this and you will absolutely love your child more than it hurts to see your ex. In time you'll just feel ambivalent towards him. I wish you all the best xx