Mother in Law dismissive of pregnancy

[KD1988UK]

I preface this by saying that usually my mother in law is amazing…but has always been abit self centred when acknowledging other people’s trials and tribulations and always makes things about herself. I honestly don’t think she knows she is doing it (atleast I hope not).

I am 24 weeks pregnant with my first baby and it hasn’t been a healthy pregnancy at all, for various reasons such as it being a double rainbow baby, having HG (resulted in hospitalisation) and two physical conditions that are worsened during pregnancy (would could lead to my waters breaking too early).

Whenever she asks about how I am doing it feels like it is just an opening for her to turn the conversation into talking about herself, usually the latest health issue she has. She told my husband the other day that she must check in with me, and she text me asking how I was and her response was “oh dear” and proceeded to talk about herself.

I am finding that I am distancing myself from engaging with her as I no longer have the energy to entertain it. Other family members are also noticing how dismissive she is of what is going on in their lives.

I was thinking of asking my husband to have a word with her as it is becoming really taxing and I imagine she will do this when I give birth and baby is here!

What would you do in this situation?

I don't think that's an unreasonable response.

I’ve got a relative like this and tbh we’ve kind of just accepted that that’s the way she is. She’s clearly not that concerned with your issues, I wouldn’t be interested in anything she’s had to sit and think about to say just because she’s been called out on her false rudeness. I wouldn’t want her false concern. I would be quick to pull her up though if she tries to compare her minor ailment to something horrendous you’re going through

I just wouldn't bother engaging with her beyond what is polite. Why concern yourself with it.

My health situation is not as bad as you but I did have bad HG in my first trimester and part of the second. My partners mum chose to come round to our house at the start of the year knowing that she was carrying a viral infection that was contagious and did not tell us, I have a weakened immune system as it is but it’s worse at the moment. Of course I caught the bug which resulted in me being unwell for about 5 weeks and requiring additional treatment for my existing asthma.

Any time we have tried to talk about my symptoms and how things have been a struggle she has just said well wait until baby is here, it’ll be worse! Then proceeds to talk about how she thinks the baby is going to look like her.

I don’t message her anymore at all and my partner has very much distanced himself too which is sad because he was really close to his mum. The last straw for him was when she passed her bug on to me and didn’t even apologise, he’s said she’s no longer allowed to come to the house when I’m pregnant and when the baby is newly here. You need to set your boundaries.

I'm not sure if I'd bother with having a word with her. It's clearly how she is and she'll probably be deeply offended. I think I'd just be polite with her but keep conversations brief and superficial.

Just disengage and give brief polite responses. There is nothing DH can say that will change her as a person. She is who she is.