HELP: binge drank daily not knowing pregnant

[Help23]

I'm so sad, I had no idea I was pregnant until 7.5 weeks, I was drinking and smoking heavily until I found out. I don't just mean a few weekends but lunchtime and evenings every single day. I was having both an awful time at work and also a packed social life. When I was pregnant with my first, I knew straight away and touched nothing in my first trimester, then maybe one or two small glasses of wine occasionally with a meal in the second and third. As a result of the risk. I am considering going through an abortion and I keep bursting into tears. As I know I'll never get over this, but I equally don't want to knowingly bring a baby into the world at risk of FAS.

All the studies are not helping me because they talk about alcoholics that drink huge amounts daily throughout the pregnancy that have poor outcomes (I'm not sure of the % which are okay), or anecdotal evidence shows a few big nights and moderate drinks midweek for those who find out and stop when they know are usually good outcomes despite concerns of the mothers. However, I don't find anything that really explains what is developing at 3 - 8 weeks, or how the science actually works in terms of the protective nature of the body etc. All I can see is that 3 - 8 weeks is where organs and facial features begin to develop.

I'm really sad but need to fully consider the science here, or any genuine examples of such an extreme case. I just am quite boozy when not pregnant, can easily put away a pint or two at lunch, a couple of pints after work, bottle of wine and even a couple of nightcaps on most evenings in a bad month. I don't think I've ever had a worse 5 weeks in my life in terms of health..

Op, kindly, you need to speak to your midwife who will refer you to an obstetrician. They will also be able to refer you to somebody to help with your alcohol intake.

Its likely, with that intake that they’ll have some questions about your home life and ability to care for your child.

Good luck with everything

I just have a very high tolerance and busy life
with kindness op I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself here. Having a high tolerance, or rather being able to handle that much alcohol, doesn’t mean you need to consume that much or that it’s good for you to consume that much. Other people aren’t drinking that much exclusively because they’ll get too drunk, it’s for other reasons too.
you also say you stopped straight away, but you say with your first pregnancy actually you continued to have a couple of glasses, so actually you didn’t stop, just reduced. Which is great, and I’m not judging you for that, I’m just questioning how sure you are that you can just stop.

a midwife can’t give you the answer, but they could refer you, that’s why people are recommending it. But really, No one can give you the answer, they can only tell you the odds at best. But there is no known safe level of alcohol.
studies have shown up to 40% of babies born to women who drink to alcoholic levels will be born with FAS. But the alcohol alone is not the only factor so still, it can’t be determined if your pregnancy is ok at this point

good luck with everything

Hi again OP,

The science is complicated but basically we do know that alcohol exposure can affect early developmental processes. You could get your GP to call the U.K. Teratology Information Service (0344 892 0909) who are the U.K. experts on early pregnancy exposures and risk.

Obviously I'm not basing this on what random people on the internet think, I'm looking for people to point me in the direction of peer reviewed research papers so I can make an informed choice. I want a child but I need to ensure I am not bringing a child into the world who could be unwell due to a totally avoidable risk.

With all due respect, you don't really sound like you are able to keep your current child safe let alone a child with potential complications.

You are basically intoxicated every day ?? And just because your poor DP doesn't drink they are left to play mummy and daddy to your child . You say "we take turns to do childcare " but I don't see how you are able to do so in your state .

I am being deliberately harsh because sometimes when someone loses all control they need those around them to wake them from the nightmare that is become their life .

Unless you are going everywhere in taxis or on public transport you are probably also driving illegally under the influence of alcohol.

Please seek help for the demons hiding behind the excessive alcohol consumption .

If not for yourself then for your babies and DP . It's never too late . P

If you phone the number on any of the Spire or PUBA hospitals they will offer you an appointment pretty sharpish as will your own NHS Gp or midwife.

Sending you hugs and peace

I’m the adoptive parent of a child with FASD
Here are some links for some reputable sites with high quality, factual information.

https://nationalfasd.org.uk/
http://www.fasdnetwork.org/
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorder-health-needs-assessment/fetal-alcohol-spectrum-disorder-health-needs-assessment

I’m not going to sugar coat things; children born with FASD can have lifelong challenges that aren’t usually obvious until they reach KS1/KS2. So it’s a waiting game until then for a lot of them, although some do get diagnosed sooner. Essentially it’s a permanent neurological disorder. And it’s a bit of a lottery in terms of babies who are affected by it and those who aren’t- I was told by my child’s neonatologist that it was a 50/50 chance.

I note what you say about your alcohol tolerance. However, your body is still vulnerable to damage in ways that you cannot see until it is too late. The gov link above has lots of stats, I think you fall into one of the top two categories for alcohol consumption.

As well as the health risks to yourself and your children, you are also vulnerable to safeguarding investigations if you do not face up to the seriousness of this.

You’re a functioning alcoholic. Call it what it is. Get a referral to social services, they can help support you and make sure you are fit for the child you’ve got already. Good luck

I came back off my mates hen do abroad and found out I was pregnant 2 days later. Literally been pissed out my mind for a week. Kid is now 10. She’s fine. Very intelligent. Absolutely no issues with her at all. I wouldn’t worry

Do you mind telling me how many weeks you were though that week?

I’d guess about 6-7 weeks. Found out later with her as I wasn’t expecting to get pregnant so quickly. Literally the first month coming off the pill and hadn’t even noticed the missed period until after the hen party

If you feel the need to drink ANY type of alcohol while pregnant then you have a problem. (referring to you stating that you drank during your first pregnancy)

If you feel the need to drink ANY type of alcohol while pregnant then you have a problem. (referring to you stating that you drank during your first pregnancy)

With all due respect, if you really care, you can simply go on Google scholar and look at reports yourself, or speak to a dr or midwife as you’ve been advised.
however, you’ve been given some stats and research here too. This is what you should be looking at, not worrying about the people saying oh I drank on holiday or over Christmas, because one anecdotal story from someone who is not in a comparable situation is useless. I highly doubt they drank as much as you, every single day either. Even if they did it wasn’t for weeks and weeks on end. I suspect the reason you don’t want to ask the midwife is because you know they’re going to have concerns about your alcohol consumption. I do hope you take what people are saying here seriously, this isn’t a healthy or even remotely normal amount of alcohol to drink. As pp say you cannot know the extent of FAS until after birth.
i hope you’re able to get whatever support you need x

A small glass of wine with a meal on occasion is up to the mother, and is perfectly safe, get over yourself. I’m simply worried this time about what I did when I didn’t know and wasn’t trying, which was no one’s fault. At least I am trying to do some informed research before making the most difficult decision of my life.

All I have done is read reports for the last 4 days since I found out.. and as I said, I am not at the midwife stage because I need to make an informed choice about the medical risks which an OB and paediatrician will be best placed to advise. Anyway, I have a private OB on Friday and will take a second opinion before also speaking to a paediatrician specialist in this area.

I found the article, it’s more about minimal drinking in first trimester not causing harm, which makes sense but doesn’t apply to my case: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/study-no-connection-between-drinking-alcohol-early-in-pregnancy-and-birth-problems-201309106667#:~:text=Minimal%20alcohol%20use%20during%20the,birth%20or%20low%20birth%20weights. Am sharing it here in case someone finds this useful when they frantically are googling in the future :)

I had a scan today and they said it was 6.5 weeks, so that’s slightly better news than previously thought. It is at 5 weeks in which the most damage occurs though according to my research. So tomorrow I’m going to calculate exactly what I did in week 5 and take it along to my OB appointment on Friday for a full discussion.

Also, there’s been some quite mean posts on here - if I didn’t care, would I be going to so many lengths to understand the risks and science better and putting this information in the public domain to seek as much information as possible?

I am also not sure that questioning my child’s wellbeing is helpful either. He’s a happy, healthy smiley and smart boy with two loving parents. In the settings I am referrring to I am not looking after him, my husband is. I have never looked after him unsafe to do so. And of course I wouldn’t drive after even one drink, ffs, what an assumption to make - I don’t own a car but that’s not the point. I wouldn’t get on public transport with my son if I had been drinking as it’s dangerous, I wouldn’t even carry him upstairs if I felt even remotely tipsy.

Disregard for my own health in difficult times doesn’t mean I would put a child at risk. Which is why I am so distraught that I didn’t know I was pregnant - as I simply wouldn’t have touched a drop in the first trimester if I had any idea.

I'm a Foster Carer and care for a DC with FAS. His IQ is below 70. He'll have lifelong learning disabilities. He's had to go to a special school. The chances of him ever working are slim. He has suffered from anxiety for years. Consultant thinks the anxiety and anger he has is related to FAS. In your position I'd abort. I'd not want to risk another DC having to deal with life long learning disabilities. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad because you didn't know you were pregnant. The child I care for, his Mum knew she was pregnant and carried on drinking and taking drugs throughout her pregnancy. He pays the price for her reckless behaviour.

I didn't know I was pregnant with DS till 6 weeks and a couple of heavy drinking sessions. The biggest when my period was due- he is 19 and fine. I was lucky and stopped erlier than you are now. No one can tell you how or if your child will be affected.

I drank very very heavily, up to 2 bottles of wine about 3 times a week and had an abortion at 8 weeks. I had drank nothing in one previous pregnancy and that child has very severe adhd and mild autism and in another pregnancy I drank too much, a bottle of wine at 5, 8 and 12 weeks - that child also has mild autism and I'm haunted all the time about it. Every member of my family (including me) has some level of adhd or autism so it probably wasn't the drink, but I'll never know. I felt with the one i aborted that I had just had far far too much. I had a serious alcohol problem which I kicked many years ago. Tbh op, the guilt is hell, I'm glad I had an abortion.

First of all, calm down. You can't do anything about what has happened before. FAS or FASD is incredibly rare, and would require a lot of alcohol. Many people drink before realising they are pregnant. And, not all children exposed in utero to the same amount of alcohol will be similarly affected. You can only move forward now.

Don't forget op that this is mn, and any alcohol is a crime. A thimble of sherry at Christmas is a parenting fail.

I'm very small, but have always had a high alcohol tolerance, especially at uni. I can go weeks, months without drinking, do dry January easily, then when I do drink, I still have a high tolerance, don't get pissed, ever really. MN'ers find this impossible to believe.

Do your research, but realistically it's unlikely that any specialist will be able to tell you if dc will be affected at all yet, even a bit. with say the physical deformaties associated eg thin upper lips, upturned nose.

But I do agree, you do need to give a lot of thought to your drinking and your issues, going forward, whatever you decide.

FASD is not rare the most recent study I am aware of published in 2021 states a prevelance of 3-6%. That is not rare. One is every primary schiol class.

Sorry link here :
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34590329/

This is not true. There is no safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy. Would love to see the studies you have found which tell you otherwise. There is no need to get defensive, just accept that you have an alcohol problem. There are no reputable sources which say alcohol is safe during ANY stage of pregnancy. Technically everything is up to the mother, doesn’t mean it is not harmful to the baby. There are people worry about whether eating a piece of cheese is going to harm their baby and others are drinking wine, having convinced themselves that it does no harm. Really puts things into perspective.