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Nerves about finding out the gender

11 replies

PopQuizz · 12/02/2024 18:15

I've booked a gender reveal scan for Wednesday, will be 17 weeks exactly but thought it would be a cute idea for Valentine's day... I'm so nervous!! Was anyone else the same? Are we finding out too early do you think? I figured it would feel like this whether we did it now or at 20 weeks!

OP posts:
Thefaceofboe · 12/02/2024 18:27

What are you nervous about? The scan not being good news? Do you have a preferred sex?

rubyslippers · 12/02/2024 18:27

Why are you nervous?

EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/02/2024 18:28

It's sex not gender.

Why are you nervous? It will either be a boy or a girl. And either will be amazing

PopQuizz · 12/02/2024 19:06

I think just finding out in general, I'm not sure if there is one I'd prefer or not. I don't want to feel disappointed. Also worried that we are doing it too early, is it better to save it so all the fun isn't over too early?

Sorry for being ignorant, didn't mean to offend anyone. But could you explain why it is sex and not gender @EmmaGrundyForPM all the things I've read have been about baby's gender so assumed that was the correct term?

OP posts:
Rosesanddaisies1 · 12/02/2024 19:16

Sex is the biology, that’s what you’re finding out, gender is a social construct of what is culturally associated with each sex (eg make up for women). Unfortunately so much around us mixes them up, like gender reveal and gender scan.
have you consider not finding out? We’re not.

MamaBearsss · 12/02/2024 19:17

I have done both / finding out at 20 week scan and leaving it to have a surprise at the birth. Finding out at the birth was way better.

PopQuizz · 12/02/2024 19:23

Thank you for explaining @Rosesanddaisies1 !

We are useless with deciding on names, we found this out with our previous 2 cats!

I did always think I'd want to find out at birth but I worry that post labour/section you are in such a different world the impact won't quite be the same. This way we just get to enjoy the surprise.

I think I just wanted some experience from others finding out before 20 weeks, we did book it on a bit of a whim yesterday so just the nerves of being spontaneous I think. Could always ask the sonographer to put it in an envelope and open it at home or something instead.

OP posts:
M00NLIGHTDREAMER · 12/02/2024 19:49

@PopQuizz I do kinda get where your coming from. I don't have a preference to which sex , I just want a healthy baby .
I've chosen not to find out what the baby is as I personally want that special moment when baby is born.. oh its a boy ect it takes the element of surprise out finding out for me but at same time I've been tempted to find out. I booked a scan last week but cancelled it . I'm torn between a place of wanting to know but also feeling like I'll have ruined that element of surprise at the end. It's kinda like sneaking a peek at your Christmas presents. I'm desperate to know but then I'd feel disappointed on the Christmas morning knowing what it is

JRTfan · 12/02/2024 19:54

We had a gender scan at 16 weeks and opted to have the results put in an envelope. We lasted about 10 minutes before the envelope was opened! I don't regret it one bit and I'm glad we know. I struggled to get attached to the baby due to anxiety after such a long difficult journey and it has really helped to identify her as an actual person. We also had it confirmed at a fetal medicine scan last week as the consultant scanning asked if we knew/would like to know so got her to double check. Our trust won't tell you at 20 week scan (we were referred to another hospital) but I think some will.

Couggstar123 · 12/02/2024 20:44

We found out at a private scan at 16 weeks. I didn’t want to find out but my partner really desperately wanted to know and our trust don’t tell you.

I now am so glad we found out. I love knowing the little life inside me is our little boy and it’s helped me bond with the baby so much. I was feeling quite detached after recurrent loss and this has totally changed that for me.

I definitely get the argument for a surprise at birth but I have no regrets about finding out and love shopping and planning for our son!

LittleDoveLove · 12/02/2024 21:07

We found out at 11 weeks with our first child as we did the harmony test, the second we still did the harmony test but didn't find out. We bought a canon and did it on Boxing Day together instead, think I was around 26 weeks then. It's individual choice. I would more be just checking the accuracy at 17 weeks. When I was on the triage ward the other week I heard someone say that their early private scan had been wrong. I'm sure it's not that common but I did double check after my canon with the harmony test and opened the envelope! It's hard to say which was better, we like to plan so we wanted to wait longer with the second but did want to know if I needed to take stuff out of storage or buy some new things. I think I did like leaving it a little longer this time around.

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