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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Urgent help needed, can I keep the remains of a D&C?

13 replies

aimeeeleanor · 12/02/2024 09:00

I’m preparing for my third scan (in the next hour) in 4 weeks of our twins who I know stopped growing at 5 weeks, i’m supposed to be 8 weeks today. The last scan they each only measured 2.2mm with no heartbeats when I should have been 7w3d. I know my dates exactly as we only had sex once & from when we got our positive pregnancy test (8th jan). I am absolutely heartbroken

Question is, the thought of taking tablets just is not for me. So if I go for D&C, could I ask to keep the remains so we can get them cremated or bury them? i’m in the UK & going through it with the NHS

I’m not sure if that is an odd request but I am struggling to come to terms with this

thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

aimeeeleanor · 12/02/2024 09:00

Sorry I mean i’m 8w3d today

OP posts:

supercalifragilistic123 · 12/02/2024 09:03

In my trust you give permission for the remains to be cremated. I'm not sure you'd be able to take them away as it's a potential biohazard.

supercalifragilistic123 · 12/02/2024 09:04

Sorry for your loss 💐

mitogoshi · 12/02/2024 09:05

To be completely honest, there won't be anything, too early if they stopped growing so early. I'm sorry for your loss

BrightGreenGoose · 12/02/2024 09:10

Firstly, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Secondly, I've have had 7 miscarriages, at various stages and have never been offered this, and have never found the fetus when misscarrying at home.

I would imagine that is because the remains are so tiny it isn't something a funeral director would deal with and they are not allowed to release it to you, due to the stage of development and the process of a D and C the remains won't resemble a baby.

jellyfish2 · 12/02/2024 09:17

Firstly, I'm so sorry. I found out a week ago at our 12 week scan that our precious baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. The heartache is something else. I had surgery a couple of days later and yes in my area you can keep your babies. My hospital will phone me hopefully in the next week as they send everything away to make sure it all looks ok and then we can get our baby back.

I hope you're ok, it's just so cruel and there's nothing anyone can say but everything you feel is absolutely valid x

jellyfish2 · 12/02/2024 09:25

@BrightGreenGoose this is definitely not the same in all areas. We were given three options: contact a funeral director for them to make arrangements (many of them do it for free), have the baby cremated with all the other early loss babies or we take the baby home directly from hospitals ourselves.

Original poster

aimeeeleanor · 12/02/2024 09:27

Thanks guys. I know the remains won’t resemble a baby but I cannot bare the thought of them not being with me. We have a funeral director in the family who will deal with the remains should we be able to keep them. I’m just not sure if it’s something they’ll think I’m odd for asking x

OP posts:

Undercoverdetective · 12/02/2024 09:33

Don't be embarrassed to ask. They won't think that it's odd. There might be a bereavement midwife that you can talk to who will hopefully know the answers for you.

BrightGreenGoose · 12/02/2024 09:45

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking, just be prepared for them to say there isn't anything to give you, especially with the stage they stopped growing.

It's really tough to grieve without anything tangible though I completely understand. If the hospital say no maybe buy something to represent them.

Retrogamer · 12/02/2024 10:01

I'm so so sorry for your losses.
I think you can ask, it depends on your trust but don't feel embarrassed to ask.

In my area they hold on to the remains and organise a cremation service once a month for all the early losses. The parents are invited to attend. They also give you the option to take the remains home to organise your own funeral. I think it's a kind way to help parents grieve. It certainly helped me.

Sending you strength in this hard time.

07whatever · 12/02/2024 10:22

I have had 3 miscarriages.
You have to sign a form beforehand and there are tickboxes to which you want to do with them.
Unfortunately as it was so early they will just be labelled 'retained products of pregnancy' rather than embryos or fetuses.
I think that you can opt for them to be cremated with others or organise something yourself. But as they were so small they won't produce enough ashes for you to keep.
Sorry for your loss ❤️‍🩹

Kerfuffleplunk · 12/02/2024 12:44

I’m so sorry you are going through this, you can ask at least if you feel it would help? I let mine pass naturally at home at 13 weeks (was a missed miscarriage at an earlier date ) and even then there was an only a bit of something solid but not much more. In a way seeing what came out was helpful as it helped me understand it was more of a potential future baby rather than an actual baby that I had lost.

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