3rd Baby, 28 weeks pregnant, DH doesn't want sex with me

[RainbowDash01829]

Hi,

Any words of wisdom or support to make me feel better would be appreciated.

I've been with DH for 16 years, we have two older children together and we are now expecting our 3rd. 9 year age gap but this was planned. My DH has always been funny about sex during pregnancy but things have really dried up this time. We have always had an active sex life so I'm finding it very difficult / upsetting not being intimate with him. He's still amazing & affectionate with me, but just doesn't want sex with me. I've tried talking to him to tell him how it's making me feel and he says he can't help how he feels either but just doesn't feel like having sex but still finds me attractive.... during my pregnancies I get huge - this time I've gone from a size 8 to a size 14. It always happens and I hate it, I don't feel attractive but I know once baby is here my body will go back and to normal. I'm just very hormonal and emotional right now, and the thought of no sex for another 3/4 months is soul destroying. I loved the gym but stopped going around 20 weeks pregnant as I couldn't be bothered anymore so the weight gain is just something else (but hey, that's part of pregnancy!). Please help me get through this...

Men get funny about having sex when there's a baby in there I know my partner has had chats with his friends about this and some of his friend totally went off sex not that they went off their partner not at all it's just the mental thing of knowing their child is in there , im 21 weeks and we haven't had sex since we conceived and honestly I'm fine with it I had a MC previously so nervous anyway I couldn't cope if I bled or anything after sex the worry would drive me up the walls.

Thanks for your comment @LizzeyBenett !! I've always been a sexual person (sorry if TMI) and I know I couldn't live in a sexless marriage so I'm finding all this strange. My husband has repeatedly said it's nothing to do with me.... it's the fact there is a baby growing and "can't explain it". I've told him I'm fine, he won't hurt me etc. It hasn't really changed anything apart from me being very upset. I've told DH I'm finding it soul destroying but my DH says whilst he fully understands, he cannot help the way he feels too.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do here OP but keep the end in sight! I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and DH & I have sort of reached that point now. We’ve always had an active sex life but I’m at the stage now where I just feel enormous, swollen & sore, and baby is so active at night that when we last “tried”, DH was holding my waist when baby decided to start kicking and wriggling and it’s fair to say that killed the mood 🤣 I honestly think it’s really normal for men especially to get a bit funny about it towards the end, try not to worry x

I totally feel your pain! I'm a very sexual person too and pregnancy has made me even more so!

We've managed it a few times but it's always been me who's had to initiate it.

We also had a few conversations where I got upset about it cause I've loved my pregnant body so much and wanted DH to as much as I did!

Have you tried offering foreplay and seeing where it leads?

It's just really frustrating cause otherwise it's a long wait!

Some men don't find sex appealing during pregnancy. It's not due to your size. Surely it's better he doesn't do it than try just to pacific you. I'm almost 22 weeks pregnant and find the idea a little gross myself.

Pacify*

Like when a woman is not in the mood, you cannot magic it up for your husband. Some men just do not want to / feel like doing it with a pregnant person. Nothing you say can change that. And unfortunately, it takes two to feel like it to do the deed. You just need to accept it.

Respect his boundaries and get yourself a good vibrator.

I was asked not to have sex due to medical reasons but I love being intimate with my husband.
Even though I don't really feel anything down there now at 32 weeks, I still make him happy, if you know what I mean.
Pregnancy has really helped us explore new things and the foreplay has been amazing, since we can't have sex, we basically do everything else a lot more. So maybe try something new out!
That said, my husband is always playfully touching me, hugging me, cuddling, etc. He has no issues with being intimate, if I'm into it.

I don't know whether in your case, your DH is showing other signs of affection.. if he is you could try what I mentioned above.
If he isn't into it at all, maybe give him space..

I think probably masturbation is the way forward! If your DH is finding it hard because of the knowledge that there's a baby in there, then there's not much you can do to get him over that mental block (and a bit unfair to try and cajole him into it). It's only a few more weeks until the baby arrives, then once you've recovered from the birth you'll be back to having sex again! 12 weeks to go, you can do this 💐

I hugely emphasise with you, I'm 38 weeks pregnant and my partner and I haven't had sex since October last year! My partner just finds it too creepy to have sex with my whilst there is a baby in there.

His loss because during the second trimester I had a huge increase in my sex drive- to the point where I was constantly dreaming about it and I'm sure I had an orgasm in my sleep a few times!

My partner still says I'm sexy when I'm getting undressed I just think he can't move past the barrier of doing it while the baby is floating around inside me haha.

If it's bothering you definitely tell him about how you are feeling, he can reassure you that he still finds you attractive and fancies you and its not about you personally its just a mental thing with some men I think.

Update - had our baby, all has resumed back to normal! She's 6 weeks old and we are having sex again just like we were before. It got to the last part of my pregnancy and I wasn't interested. We waited 4 weeks after birth.

Didn't notice the date of your original post, happy to hear your sex life is back! And congrats on the baby!