I can't shake this anger feeling!

[reynold]

(Changed name for a reason) This will be a long one but it will help undertsand.

Basically I'm 24 weeks pregnant. 3rd child, I don't get along with my mum that well she's extremely toxic and has always favorited my daughter over my son and made it very visible even though I let her know it wasn't ok. He wouldn't ever stay at her house due to no bond but my daughter did till I put a stop to it as my son got to a age he wanted to be involved. They haven't been for over a year now and will never stay out there. But the anger I have towards her when she comes to see my kids sometimes is unreal. I don't want her at my house, I don't want her near me. I let her see the kids at my home as she will drop things infront if my kids such as ( they can stay at mine if they want) I tell her don't dare say that infront of my kids knowing they will react. i simply do not trust her as she drinks sometimes and just does things i wouldnt trust her with my kids because of. i dont even want her to come see my new son when he's born I don't know what's happening with me but I'm getting more and more worse each day I think about when my sons born every day how much I don't like her or anyone else I always say to my partner I'd love to move away and not tell anyone because I literally can't stand people. She didn't bother with my son when he was born didn't even pick him up so I told her don't dare try do the same with this one because you didn't wanna with my other son. I'm scared to ask doctors to help me see if I've got bipolar as I do suffer from anxiety and used to have bad depression not so bad anymore but I'm just not sociable and don't like people. Any advice??

P.s she's just been and the " playing with my son" felt so fake it made me cringe. I just wanna cry because I hate her being here so much.

It sounds like your mum isn’t the best person to have around your children, especially with the occasional drinking. It seems like you have a difficult history with your mum which might be making things worse!
However, we don’t know the full story but your anger is a bit worrying. Have you spoken to your midwife about feeling angry?

After the birth of my little girl I went through a really angry period, I didn’t want to be around anyone and felt that every single comment people made was directed negatively towards me
or my child. I spoke to the doctor and mental health team who were great and very supportive. The help they provided made me feel less angry and ultimately
less stressed. It might be best to talk to someone to get those feelings out there and not stuck in your head.

@Hiddenvoice , yes the history is horrible to be honest very nasty women didn't bring me up etc I only allow her around my kids in my
Presence and since she split from her husband she's seen my kids twice in 7 months which I've been happy with because then I don't see her. I feel so overwhelmed when she comes to the point she left about 30 mins ago and I felt like crying because I just can't stand her coming she's always nit picking at everything I do and makes me snap at her. I want to speak to mental health team but I'm scared they will think I'm crazy or something and involve social.

It's hard to bottle things up and to pretend everything's fine with a relationship for the sake of the children when you know it's not, and constantly biting your tongue to keep the peace will inevitably take an emotional toll.

Obviously, it sounds like you've got your reasons for wanting her to be supervised around your DC (which is your prerogative) but if you still want her to spend time with your DC, is it possible for someone other than you to be there when she's with them so you don't have to deal with her? My DC are older but I tend to drop them off and treat the situation like I would with an ex when I don't want to interact too closely with DM.

You don't have to have her in your home, and if it's causing you anxiety, I would consider whether it's worth taking a break from her for the sake of your own MH and that of your DC.

Why are you putting yourself through this?

No they won’t think you’re crazy! I didn’t have any social work involved when I spoke to the gp, they explained they felt it was a hormonal imbalance causing me to feel that way and certain people aggravated me, making me more angry.

It might be best to just continue to keep distance between you and your mum. Especially as you move into the third trimester, you don’t need the stress! If she contacts you, could your partner be the one to reply? if you really need to see her then maybe your partner or friend could also be there for support or go to a coffee shop etc, explain you only have a set amount of time and leave sharp.

Also, meeting in neutral territory like a local cafe or park might make visits easier, as there's less about you and the way you do things that can be criticised if you're not in your home.

Plus you can just leave when it becomes too much, whereas having to ask her to leave your house will obviously cause more drama.

@LonginesPrime it's so hard to explain. She's very manipulative and makes me feel so small, my daughter is the reason why I'm doing this as she asks and I don't want to feel like I did as a child where my mum would use my dad against me vice versa. She doesn't see them often shut she's also so toxic that nobody's else likes her, I don't have no other family as my grandma who brought me up passed as my daughter was born 7 years ago, my partner can't be around her as she's very much a person who thinks she's right 247 and nit picks and loves getting in everyone's business , she says I'm horrible and moody but I can't be happy around her as she just goes on and on

@LonginesPrime , she's not that type of person to meet anywhere she's always on the phone to her friends and stuff. She's really not a good mum like I would of liked, she would cause a scene infront of my kids if I left she really doesn't care the world revolves around her and everything she says is right but because I don't take no crap from her in the pyscho which is why I'm glad I'm seeing her less since her splitting from my step dad..

I get that. It's disappointing not to have the parent you hoped to have, and I found that having my own DC really bright into focus how bad my DM is, as I can't ever imagine treating my own DC the way she has treated me.

I'd have a look at the Stately Homes thread on MN for adults dealing with abusive parents (there is a reading list there that's helpful), and I'd also recommend reading "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson (I think?) as a starting point.

@LonginesPrime thankyou so much for the help. I expected the favoritism between my kids as she did it between me and my brother. I just get so mad when she tries too tell me about parenting when she wasn't one herself. It's like she's trying to parent my daughter how she should have parented me you know? The worst part is! Everything I say about my childhood to her and how it was traumatic she says is lying and screams at me for lying lol